Erin Ryan
One of these shakes is not like the others.
Friday, June 3, 2011 | 1:55 a.m.
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Most milkshakes taste good with a burger and fries, but it's amazing how much more the flavor matters when all you're eating is milkshakes ... Dairy Queen's Zagat-rated chocolate and strawberry made a case for the distinction.
I’m a sucker for a guy with a sword and a mustache, but it takes more than that to convince me that “the best milkshake in the country” is available at a drive-thru for $1.99. Dairy Queen has been smothering the TV landscape with such tidings of its Zagat-rated shake, which beat out fellow top-fivers Cold Stone Creamery, Sonic, Chik-fil-A and Ben & Jerry’s for the No. 1 honor among all fast food contenders.
But the Zagat survey accounts for only about 6,500 opinions, a speck on a speck of the total U.S. population of more than 300 million milkshake-loving souls. And while I had a hot and heavy teenage affair with the Blizzard, I was skeptical that a DQ treat could wow me without the delicious crutch of candy bar mix-ins (I honestly don’t want to know how many crunched-up Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups I ate in 1996).
So I assembled five tasters, including Roy (leggy blonde), Angryd (marathon junkie), Sally Crocker (turtle biologist) and Jeeves (occasional victim of lactose). They agreed to blind test chocolate and strawberry milkshakes from five places, and the results yielded a few surprises. Rather than waste time on presentation and in fairness to the texture havoc wreaked by Jeeves’ lack of air conditioning, we focused on flavor. Here are the rankings in descending order from favorite:
Note: Dark horse competitor Del Taco was disqualified after we were told to wait two minutes in the parking lot while the mix was prepared and then learned that the milkshake machines were “broken” … guess we should have gone for the crispy fish …
CHOCOLATE: 1. Dairy Queen
Dark cocoa dominates, balanced and not too sweet, with just a whisper of malt. Based on looks alone, the tasters guessed this would be the favorite. Sally, Angryd and I all gave it a No. 1, with Jeeves and Roy rating it second best. Guess mustache guy wins this round.
2. In-N-Out
The posse agreed this one nails the traditional milkshake flavor, like half-melted Hershey’s chased with two percent straight from the carton. Even totally melted it’s still thick, winning first-place love from Jeeves, second-place honors from Angryd and me and a third from Roy. It was Sally’s least favorite, but his palate may have been compromised by the unplanned pit stop at Del Taco.
3. Jack in the Box
Despite predictions that this one would be at the bottom (Jack is just too cocky these days), it was consistently enjoyed. The sweetest of the four, it smacks of the chocolate syrup you would drown ice cream in at a 10th birthday. Roy loved it, Angryd didn’t, and the rest of us wouldn’t turn down a free one.
4. Carl’s Jr.
By itself this would be a decent chocolate shake, but contrasted with the others it was mild to the point of not being recognizable from its vanilla base and heavy whipped topping. Basically, it was cold and sweet. Even if Paris Hilton was spoon-feeding us, it would probably still come in with two No. 3 rankings and three No. 4s.STRAWBERRY: 1. Jack in the Box
If Carnation Instant Breakfast and ice cream had a love child it would taste like this, not so much strawberry as a lovable representation. The fruit tones are cut with cream and highly drinkable, prompting Sally and Jeeves to join Roy’s No.1 camp, while Angryd and I kept it at No. 2.
2. Dairy Queen
By far the most true to the real color and flavor of strawberry (with actual fruit bits to back it up), this one has the sweet-tart appeal of homemade ice cream. For me DQ went two for two, while Roy and Jeeves liked it second best and Angryd and Sally thought it was decent enough for third-place.
3. In-N-Out
Just like the chocolate, the strawberry tastes the way you imagine a milkshake tasting. The flavor is more sugary than fruity, but it finishes nicely with no-frills charm that echoes the overall concept of the restaurant: fast, dependable and good.
4. Carl’s Jr.
It is the color and texture of a popular antacid and tastes like it looks. Maybe if it was fresh out of the machine it would be better, but again, the comparison was not kind. Even Sally, who obviously has wack taste buds, ranked it last, saying it looked a little like Lake Titicaca. The comment made no sense, and yet we all knew exactly what he meant.
— Originally published in Las Vegas Weekly.
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