Britney Spears in Vegas: It’s a ‘Circus’ all right

By Joe Brown

Friday, April 24, 2009 | 2 a.m.

This is not a story about Britney Spears.

Because, really, what would be the point? What don’t we already know about poor ol’ Brit-Brit? And what part of her haven’t we seen by this point in the 27-year-old’s 20-year showbiz career?

Not much remains to be said about America’s train-wreck pop princess, who has been more complicit than any other celebrity in her own exploitation and overexposure. What other star has so enriched the tabloids, TMZ and Perez Hilton, while providing so much morbid entertainment to observers?

Saturday night at the MGM Grand, the famously former virgin and mother of two, who made a much-imitated vocal style almost entirely out of pre-coital groans, will be let out of her court-ordered, parentally monitored holding pen for about 90 minutes, to lip-sync and dance during her “Circus” show:

“All eyes on me at the center of the ring, y’all!”

3 Random Things Britney Said to Audiences Recently

Even though she reportedly lip-syncs throughout her entire “Circus” show, Spears’ mike goes live now and then, and you can count on catching an unpredictable — and instantly Twittered and YouTubed — utterance, outburst or non sequitur.

1. Britney in April to a San Jose audience: “Hello, Sacramento!”

2. To a Washington, D.C., audience last month: “Merry Christmas!”

3. To her dancers, on a live mike audible to a Tampa audience: “My (bleep) is hangin’ out!”

3 Ways to Experience B.S. Without Spending $155

1. Smell like her: Elizabeth Arden has emitted seven Brit-branded odors: Curious, Fantasy, Curious: In Control, Midnight Fantasy, Believe (which we imagine actually smells like Criss Angel), Curious Heart and Hidden Fantasy. Each one retails for about $50, but you can find discounted versions for about $20.

2. Obsessively follow her every exhalation on BreatheHeavy.com, the self-proclaimed “number one Britney Spears fansite,” which was recently threatened with legal action by daddy-warden Jamie Spears.

3. Watch her grind and groan from the comfort of your own home: Rent a double feature of her 2002 DVD “Live From Las Vegas” and the recent (and unexpectedly revealing) documentary “Britney: For the Record.” You won’t have to wait long for the inevitable DVD of the “Circus” tour.

2 Brit-ish Performers Arguably More Entertaining Than the Original

1. Derrick Barry was an uncanny Spears when he was in the cast of “An Evening at La Cage,” and oops, he does it again on Sunday at Cathouse at the Luxor in a benefit for the AIDS Lifecycle ride. Doors open at 10:30 p.m.

2. Look up the Britney Houston channel on YouTube. The video parodist and nightclub drag performer takes on Spears and most of her pop contemporaries in distinctly not-safe-for-work style.

3 Concert Reviews That Tell You Everything You Need to Know

1. “A massive, ridiculous, over-the-big-top spectacle of bat-(bleep) mega-pop ... Britney Spears does mad circus freaks, Bollywood hip-hop dances, gold cages with stripper poles, people pumping unicycles into the air, a floating, 360-degree wraparound Big Brother video-screen, old-time magic tricks, random nunchuck battles, midgets with guitars, ‘Toxic,’ stage-circles of fire, near-naked women hanging off of ropes, nonstop bondage, trapezes made out of men ... and, at the end, for ‘Womanizer,’ spinning surveillance cameras, police uniforms, and a waterfall of sparks. (Dean Fawkes on the April 9 Tacoma Dome show, at thestranger.com.)

2. “Many of Brit’s critics question her choice to lip-sync through the entire show. To them I say: do you really want to hear our girl huffing and puffing through ‘Toxic’? I don’t think so. (Jacob Hentoff on the March 16 Banknorth Garden, Boston show, at nyulocal.com.)

3. “The Circus experience is a bit like watching your best friend from high school do karaoke in an awesome series of costumes. You stand in a row surrounded by women your own age, staring at this girl you feel you’ve known since you were 16.” (hortense, on the same Boston show, at jezebel.com.)

1 Thing We Know For Sure

Merely mentioning Britney Spears guarantees that this here little listicle will be one of the most-read stories at lasvegasssun.com.