A farewell letter to John Ensign

Cathleen Allison / AP

John Ensign

Wednesday, April 27, 2011 | 5:11 p.m.

John Ensign, as we prepare to say goodbye, quite possibly for a long, long time, allow us to get this off our chest: It’s not you, it’s us. You were great. Really. Well, kinda. As a senator, you fought against government waste. You fought against eminent domain. Supporting the war in Iraq? Hey, you’re only human, right? Opposing health care reform? Okay, seriously, what the hell were you thinking? Sorry, we got off track. No, John, it’s all our fault. After all, you would think after the reign of Jim Gibbons we’d be inured to a Nevada politician letting his lust get in the way of his credibility. Big deal, right? C’mon, what politician hasn’t slept with his best friend’s wife, only to give said best friend special favors and his family $96,000? Er, okay, maybe you’re alone on that one. Bad example. Let’s start again. What we’re really trying to say here is that he who is without sin should cast the first stone. You know, like you did to Clinton after his affair with Monica Lewinsky … Damn, we’re doing it again! Anyway, as you prepare to dodge the ethics investigation against you, we wanted to say, no hard feelings—and that every time we’re getting screwed by the new man in our life, Dean, we’ll think of you.