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By J. Patrick Coolican (contact) 
, Lisa Mascaro
Published Wednesday, June 17, 2009 | 10:13 a.m.
Updated Wednesday, June 17, 2009 | 3:24 p.m.
Ensign Admits Affair
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U.S. Sen. John Ensign, R-Nev., acknowledged an extramarital affair with a campaign staff member Tuesday afternoon at the Lloyd George Federal Building in Las Vegas.
Beyond the Sun
UPDATE: Ensign’s office: Woman’s husband approached media with story
The one-time mistress and campaign treasurer of Sen. John Ensign saw her salary double during the time of the affair, according to federal election documents.
Cynthia Hampton, whose husband, Doug Hampton, was a senior aide to Ensign, the Nevada Republican, was paid nearly $1,400 per month for most of 2007 as treasurer of Ensign's Battle Born Political Action Committee.
Her salary increased slightly in January 2008 but then doubled to nearly $2,800 per month in February 2008 and stayed at that higher rate through March and April, when she left the job.
She also made $500 per month in late 2007 at the Ensign for Senate campaign committee.
Hampton's 19-year-old son was paid $5,400 by a political operation controlled by Ensign, according to federal election documents.
Brandon Hampton was being paid by the National Republican Senatorial Committee, of which Ensign was chairman, for “research policy consulting,” according to the election documents.
The payments were first reported by Sun-partner Politico.
Doug Hampton received $19,679 from the senator's office for one month, between April 1 and May 1, 2008 -- a sum substantially higher than his normal salary, according to Senate records. He and his wife both stopped working for the senator at that time, in May 2008.
Doug Hampton had been earning about $160,000 annually since he started on the senator's payroll on Nov. 8, 2006. He was one of the top paid aides in the office, receiving pay equal to the senator's chief of staff.
Also today, the Associated Press reported that an attorney for the Hamptons released a statement, confirming the affair and lamenting Ensign's decision to “air this very personal matter” and said she eventually would tell her side of the story.
The Nevada political world was thrown into turmoil Tuesday when Ensign, who had been considered a rising star in national politics, acknowledged the affair with Hampton.
Ensign, whose office is not replying to requests for interviews, has said he intends to remain in the Senate, though he resigned his GOP leadership position today.
Good bye, Sen. Hairdo. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. ;-)
If only Clinton had resigned. Typical Democrat, WE are the only ones who can get away with this.
It appears as if he has found domething he can do rather than play golf and be the goffer for the Republican party. I forgot he can take large amonts of money from lobbyiests and ignore the well being of his constitutuents. He will do fine after leaving office his bank accounts are full.
Hey guys, he's still in the Senate. He just resigned his leadership post.
I want to know about the severance package...where did the money come from, how much, etc.
hey getalife, his little side piece was not the only one f-ed. Tuna's like you that bought into his b.s. were also! Remember he said he was "above" Clinton and the Democrats". Just go back to Fox, they are not even covering this. So you will not have your feeling hurt.
Ensign's camp believes that the senator can outlast the furor over his extramarital affair, and subsequent extortion attempt by the woman's husband. It must have been one expensive....but then again, we all knew that.
guess you could say Robert Frost got it wrong at least when it comes to Johnny...
this 'Promise Keeper' has lots of promises to keep (except those with his wife) and miles to go before he sleeps (with his wife)
...listen closely and u can hear the answer to the eternal question...'who would Jesus do'
...from presidential contender back to "puppy doctor" in 60 seconds...
to paraphrase another great republican: heckuva job, johnny...
Ensign, Holy.. ah er than Thou, (or Horney er than thou), never cut any one any slack unless it was a Drug User like RUSH Limpbaugh.. not even Larry 2 step Craig got compasion, yet now he does his "QUICKEE" duck and COVER news conference..and we are susposed to bow at his humble feet and annoint him with forgiveness-- a lame duck doesn't serve the interests of Nevada.
It was more than likely a fellow Republican that set him up...look at the way the party ran an anti-Las Vegas internet ad about "Obama Partying in Las Vegas" when "Senator Dippity Do" was kicking the tires in Iowa...
Now all he has to do is go on Hannity and do his version of Clintons 60 minutes routine, and cleanse himself.
What we need is a level headed thinker in the Senate, I think Endsign should resign or be impeached and be replaced with Mr Greenspun of the SUN --who would work well with our Great Senator HARRY Reid in facing the critical problems of Nevada.
Maybe Esign should under go abstainance only SEX training, like that in which he advocated for hormone crazy teenagers.
When are these fools going to learn that being a liar and a hypocrit is a full time job. No down time for hankypanky is allowed..
"What we need is a level headed thinker in the Senate, I think Endsign should resign or be impeached and be replaced with Mr Greenspun of the SUN --who would work well with our Great Senator HARRY Reid in facing the critical problems of Nevada." -- mred
I finally found a use for the print version of the Sun, cleaning up my puke after reading the paragraph above.
You'll need it to clean up after you Senaturd Endsign...his shackee is obviously upside down in her house...that's why Endsign pushed his 4% mortgage bill, pillow talk no doubt from his "employee",
Just wait til she goes public with the Enquirer. I emailed them and they are sending a whole jet full of reporters, TMZ is coming up I15 as we speak, I wonder what here "bottom line" is, money wise that is? I better email Larry Flint, maybe he has some bucks for a "spread" in his publication?
This is going to be fun, watching you Hannitized dittoheads twist in the media wind, should be good for the local economy too...I'm already commisioning some "Dippy-do ya" Endsign T-Shirts.
Senator Ensign could step up to the plate and do the right thing.
He should extend his apologies to the Nevada Gay community for putting on us the hurt and humiliation he is now feeling himself. He is a human being, no better and no worst than couples like Robert and myself.
Robert and I have been partnered for 16 years, married in Canada 6 years ago and thanks to powerful men like Senator Ensign, Robert and I live here in Nevada as second class citizens.
We fought hard for Domestic Partnerships and are proud of that accomplishment. We are working towards marriage equality in America by telling our stories and to try and change hearts and minds even one at a time.
The Senator can join the growing voice of true conservatives who feel strongly that folks like Robert and myself are Americans who should be treated equally under the law.
Senator, you have a great staff at your offices. They are good listeners when I call them. And they always treated me with respect when I would call them regarding Gay issues. They even made us feel that you had an open mind to our issues.
Maybe now you can.
Stuart & Robert Wyman-Cahall
Las Vegas, NV 89142
Before folks go running off half-cocked telling Ensign to resign, remember that if Ensign were to step down Governor Gibbons would be able to appoint his replacement. And knowing ol' Gibber, he'd resign and let Krolicki appoint him as Ensign's replacement.
Such a thought chills the blood.
Another social conservative fraud exposed, hoisted by his own petard. He can join David Vitter, Larry Craig, Ted Haggard, Jimmy Swaggart and all the other conservative phonies.
"What a hell of a heaven it will be, when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!"
- Mark Twain
If this is true: Resign!
Reporting from Washington and Las Vegas -- The 19-year-old son of a woman who reportedly had an affair with Nevada Sen. John Ensign was being paid by the National Republican Senatorial Committee during the relationship, federal election records show.
Brandon Hampton, who shares an address with former Ensign staffers Doug and Cynthia Hampton, was paid $5,400 between March 2008 and August 2008.
Nevada senator apologizes for affair....The payments, for "research policy consulting," ended the same month as the affair, which was said to begin in December 2007.
Ensign staffers and committee officials did not return calls seeking comment.
Doug Hampton had worked for Ensign as an administrative assistant, earning more than $144,000 in fiscal 2007 and about $101,000 in fiscal 2008.
While working for Ensign's Battle Born PAC, Cynthia Hampton made nearly $700 per pay period for much of 2007. In February 2008, that doubled to almost $1,400.
Both Doug and Cynthia Hampton stopped working for Ensign by May 2008. A housekeeper who answered the door Wednesday at their Las Vegas home said they had left for the day.
The Nevada senator, previously considered a rising Republican star, admitted to the affair Tuesday at a hastily arranged news conference in Las Vegas. Today, he resigned from his Senate leadership post.
Good to see REPUBLICAN FAMILY VALUES !!!!!
Forget about the sex (they just assume you will, and you will). Concentrate on the money. That is the issue here and the announcement of the affair might just be a smokescreen to cover up genuine illegalities.
Where did the money for Ms. Hampton's severance package come from? How much was the payment and was it appropriate?
What are the circumstances of Mr. Hampton leaving his position? Was he paid? How did he get the jobs he's held since he left the staff?
What did the son do for his money?
Most importantly, what are the circumstances of Mrs. Hampton taking over as treasurer of Ensign's Battle Born PAC? A man named Christopher Ward had been treasurer and he exited the position amid talk of financial impropriety, while Ensign was having the affair he's confessed to. But to my knowledge, Ward was never charged with a crime and no audits were ever made public, despite rumors in Washington that millions were circulated improperly by Battle Born and other PACs Ward was involved with.
This is the story that effects the people of Nevada and should be investigated by the Sun.
Sen. Ensign must be a member of the GOP ~ Grand Old Philanderers.
If he does resign, will Gov. Gibbons appoint Dawn to the Senate seat, thus ending the other republican family squabble entertaining all of us in Nevada.
I also wonder, is anyone in the Nevada Republican Party clean, or is an extramarital affair the rite of passage for republicans?
I always thought he was a Mormon. But I guess he's Evangelical. It's so important for him to espouse his religion at this time. The Lord will provide a way, and will speak to him. This may help him to keep his important position in Washington.
It's just those GD Queers. What if the Lord is OK with them? Poor John, so many decisions, so little time...
Not a surprise the NSRC's "research policy consulting" was done by a teenager... and resulting electoral beatdown such shenanigans beheld.
Wonder if the kid knew why he was raking in the bucks?
Yup, Mr. Holier-than-thou got his hand caught in the cookie jar, then covered it up for awhile before being forced to admit it. The same guy who moralized about other politicians having affairs now has to plead for privacy?
HYPOCRITE.
ok...sure he was a morally bankrupt hypocrite who was willing to tell other people how to live 'morally' while tapping his own staff and funneling money to his mistress...
But, hey...as Warren Zevon once opined..."his hair was PERFECT!"
There's just no pleasing you people is there?
I'll bet UNLV prez Ashley is thrilled this happened to take the headlines off him.
I'm a democrat, but I am not going to overreact to this. I didn't vote for the Senator, but he is a decent person and did a bad thing. Let's not crucify him. Was it boneheaded yes. But from my opinion he has handled it well as opposed to lying to everyone about it. Right now he controls the story and has resigned from leadership.
I feel sorry for his family and children, but this too shall pass.
Gibbons on the otherhand is a complete idiot and has no business holding elective office.
I respect Ensign for at least making an attempt to influence the intellectual thought process of his party and advancing in leadership to raise the stature of the state.
The ballot box in the next cycle will be the determinant.
Didn't Clinton's girlfriend also get some job promotions and also landed a cushy job at some private firm on top of that?
I think Ensign would fit in nicely with the Obama camp.
Considering that he's a republican, I'm surprised that young boys weren't involved.
Coming soon to a theatre near year:
A Major Motion Picture Based On A True Story...
Mel Gibson Presents:
The Passion of the Christ..ian Senator
Opening Scene: The Second Coming
Bellagio...Room 666
Male Voice: "Oh Jesus"
Female: Sweet Jesus
Male: Oh Jeeeeeeesus
Female: Yes, Now, Jesus!!!
Male: He..... Has.... Come
Female: "Yes....Yes....Oh, and by the way...I Want A raise"
Male: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Life really does imitate art doesnt it?
Maybe the Hamptons are realy rino's and they played an old badger game on the Senator.
Ensign should GO TO JAIL!
I hope a prosecuter goes after the jerk.
People are losing their jobs and the state is broke. Ensign is spending our tax dollars on prositution.
Jail time
Hey John Ensign-in your next life-keep your pants zipped up. Another politician bites the dust.
John is a good man, even good men make big mistakes. He has a very high testerone level and is constantly on the search for sexual pleasure. Throughout the years John has joined religious groups as a cover up and it seemed to be doing okay. I thought after the 2006 affair with the married staffer that he was not doing these things. But, we all get fooled. Thank goodness he did not have a wide stance in a airport men's room.
Let's all forgive him because he is one of us. His major problems will be with the money issue-did he commit a crime? Let's all help John.
Only thing is as he was having sex (good sex,I hope)he failed to invite us, he just used our money.
John you are the poster boy of the Republican Party.
Clinton should GO TO JAIL!
I hope a prosecuter goes after the jerk.
People are losing their jobs and the state is broke. Clinton spent our tax dollars on prositution.
Jail time
Typical rightwing hypocrosy. Ensign badmouthed Clinton and now we find out he's no better.
Sort of like Palin, who was an unwed knocked up 17 year old and then she makes a big deal out of Letterman and YES, Others, making mention of her daughter emulating her and getting knocked up too at the same age,all the while Palin talks about morality of others.
The epitome of hypocrosy.
I love how all you sick Republicans bend over backwards to defend this 'holier than thou' bigot
His married lover AND her son were on the Republican payroll. It doesn't get anymore disgusting than that.
SGTROCK, get the rocks out of your head, it's effecting your brain.
Clinton spent your tax money on prostitution, where the hell ddid you come up with that one, in your demented fantasies?
No surprise here.
John Ensign has shown a lack of moral character and civic leadership his entire political career. His petty, self centered, mean spirited personality has finally exposed him for the hypocrite and punk he is.
Nevada needs 2 new Senators. I don't care if they are Democrats, Republicans or Communists as long as they take care of the people of Nevada and demonstrate dome backbone and character.
No I got it from Nick's demented fantasies.
Look at his post....I used his logic.
I love how all you sick Democrats bend over backwards to defend Clinton.
His girlfriend was on the taxpayer's payroll. It doesn't get anymore disgusting than that.
Unless Clinton was trying to legislate morality while getting a hummer in the Oval Office, I fail to see the comparison.
Ensign is the one who has spoken OVER AND OVER again about how marriage is the cornerstone of society. And yet at the same time he was doing that, he was breaking the marriage vows he made to his wife.
When Larry Craig was accused of solicitation, Ensign demanded that Craig resign saying that we should hold politicians to a higher standard. And yet now that it's his butt in the sling he wants us all to forgive and forget.
That's the very definition of hypocrisy - Ensign's own words do not match his deeds. He has been hoist by his own petard.
"Unless Clinton was trying to legislate morality while getting a hummer in the Oval Office, I fail to see the comparison."
You got us there.
Clinton = zero morality
And Rock=zero brains
Stop trying to muddy the waters. This is not about Clinton, or anyone else. This is about Senator Ensign's behavior and his words.
That's the sphere of the debate - and yet you keep trying to drag strawman after strawman in so that you don't have to try and defend Ensign.
DouglasDemocrat argument:
A) Democrats are not for morality
B) Therefore they do not have to be moral.
OK......I accept that as being true.
SgtRock... err, jfNance32, err... James F Nance Jr throws the word 'hypocrite' around all the time, yet won't throw it at someone who obviously deserves it... John Ensign.
Nor will he condemn David Vitter...
He's too busy devising ways to justify his double standard.
Rock, you are the perfect example why the Republicans are in the dumper. You're like sheep who follow the so-called hypocrite leaders and live your life like the idiot leaders of that party and their surrogates stooges like Limbaugh,Hannity and the other lying hate mongers who call themselves talk show hosts tell you to do.
You need to get a life!
Bill Clinton was the best President we've had since Kennedy. His record proves it. As for his BJ in the White House, he's not the first and Good For Him. Beats getting one in a bathroom stall from another man or paying a staffer's wife and then doubling her salary.
Lewinsky was not hired by Clinton, she was hired by the person who does that for the White House staff. Clinton didn't solicite her nor did he make advances towards her, she did the flirting and advancing on her own. She admitted that.
What would you do in that case? Or would you rather have someone wearing a man's suit. You seem obsessed with the subject, that's usually a sign of inner hidden desires.
Senator Ensign is facing the crises of a lifetime. There is no excuse for his actions. Redemption, if found, will be at the end of a new and higher road going forward, and, walking that path in a fashion that demonstrates the sincerity of a rebirth. Remember, barring this transgression he has dedicated himself to public service. Certainly his positions on Clinton and Craig are quintessential hypocrisy. If the senator can rethink his core values in such a way as to incorporate elements of a liberal compassion for others he may transcend this to continue his leadership and contributions generously rendered until this very poor judgement. If so, he may retain his senate seat, which would be good for Nevada.
ENSIGN NEEDS TO GO TO JAIL.
This prick used public funds to pay off his tramp and her son.
Here's a question for all of Ensign's defenders: if Pres. Clinton's involvment with Ms. Lewinsky hadn't taken place, would you still be defending Sen. Ensign so vigorously? By Sen. Ensign's own admission--and confirmed by the lady in question-he engaged in an extramarital affair with the wife of one of his staffers. To make matters worse, there appears to be some irregularity with regard to what she (and her son) was paid, which raises the appearance (based on what we know at the moment) of impropriety. It's completely unclear to me how the above is suddenly made "OK" in the minds of some by citing a political drama from over a decade ago. More to the point, Pres. Clinton *was* impeached by the House and acquitted by the Senate, so he's faced far more consequences for the criminal acts of his behavior (lying in a deposition regarding Ms. Lewinsky while under oath) than Sen. Ensign has (and likely ever will).
The hypocrite christian Promise Keeper did not keep his promise to his wife, so why should we think that he can keep his promises to us?
As for Cindy Hampton: since she accepted money for her "services", she is no longer a parnter in an affair, but a whore. When one accepts money for sexual favors, s/he is a WHORE! Mrs. Hampton needs to move to Pahrump and ensconce herself in one of the whore houses.
And since her son accepted money for his mother's whoring, that makes him a pimp. And John Ensign is a "john", for all intents and purposes.
Isn't it typical for the betrayed wife to be at her husband's side when he confesses to the media? He was alone. Why was she not there? Could it be that this is her way of saying she's fed up with the cad? Is a divorce filing next?
Hey what happened to the old " What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" motto? Maybe this Promise Keeper can sue for false advertising?
So he was paying for sex. He should have just went to the bunny ranch.
what I want to know is why his wife reconciled with him? maybe her and the pool boy were having fun too, when he was in Washington. I know if I came home and told the wife.. oh by the way, I've been having an affair for the last 8 months, I'd be finding a place to stay and worrying about losing 50+% of everything I own... Moral of the story, If you have enough power you can get away with anything...wow we are really teaching our young people a great lesson...ha ha
Ensign scorned her twice. The second time was when he told the world about the affair, which Cynthia and Doug Hampton were keeping secret and wished Ensign had, too. Like Spitzer, who betrayed his comfort-giver for the leftover crumbs of a shredded political career,* Ensign has trashed his friends out of the same treachery. Yes, everybody does it, and everything would be just fine if only Ensign had crawled back to his kennels where he belongs, but his political career is apparently more important than his friends, whose lives he's willing to destroy for it. So the former veterinarian outed himself (and Cynthia Hampton!), hoping it would be ancient history in 2012 or 2016.
Then again, would you trust your dog to this man?
* I might have respected Spitzer if he had defended her services and decried all the prosecutions he had so hypocritically conducted. Instead, he threw the girl who had comforted him to the wind.
According to SgtjfNanceRock32,
It should be ok for John Ensign, because Bill Clinton did it. And got away with it.
LAME-OH!
Bubba is not, was not, never has been, a member of Promise keepers, not a pentecostal nut job,
not a "we are better than you because we have family values and you don't" guy.
He didn't screw his friend and confidant's wife. For nearly a year.
(that we know of.)
Must be a tough day in Rockville, Nance.
Maybe you should trot out your FDR schtick.
Or Jimmy Carter! He lusted in his HEART, for crying out loud! That MUST be a high crime deserving of punishment!
As I recall, there was not a MONEY TRAIL in the Clinton Affair. I also recall Clinton being raked thru the mud,
deservedly so. I think there might have even been a big investigation, yeah, some guy named STARR spent a rather substantial amount of the government's dough running a circus under the guise of "Independent Counsel".
Poor Nance. Still lost in the Clinton era. THAT must have been some kind of halcyon period for you. Man, I bet you were FULL of self-righteous indignation!
Can you say "WHORE"? Isn't that what you call someone who has sex for money? Oh wait, thats a prostitute. Ensign is worse than scum, hes the stuff that aspires to be scum.
cheating is cheating, doesnt matter who did it, nobody should cheat from the kennedys to clinton to ensign, period, if you are going to cheat on your values then where does it go from there, what else are you going to lie and cheat about,
An adult website has just published a feature on how to 'get more action' by being a loud 'moral' crusader. A video with a character based on Ensign, his friend, and his friend's wife, seems inevitable. Rev. Bookburn - Radio Volta
What's the difference between a Whore and Ensign's aid?
The Aid see her salary double and is paid by the taxpayer.
Shame on you and this will end your journey to be a God in the hereafter. Even the mormons consider adultery a sin.
You and your buddy Gibbons need to migrate east to slc, we don't need you here.
Joseph Smith
Is this how they afforded a $1.6 million dollar home in Summerlin and a housekeeper to answer the door when they are not home?
Take the test....ALL local,county,state officials raise your right hand if you've ever had an affair while in office.....now leave your job if you have. Anyone care to add up the thousands ? Someday,sosmewhere,somehow...they all trip up and expose themselves.As long as you have politicians,you'll have affairs, period.
gmag's statement
A) Democrats have no morality.
B) Therefore Democrats can be immoral
I am OK with that.
Sorry to disapoint all you that can't read, but senator
Ensign isn't resigning.
Try reading things twice, very slowly.
SgtRock,
um, that is not what gmag's statement read.
You should probably re-read it and issue an apology.
Sincerely,
Your conscience,
SgtRoll
Is this the kind of leadership we deserve?? I guess with you right-wing idiots backing this blowhard hypocrite,we are getting everything we ask for. If this is what we accept, we have alot further to fall before we hit bottom!Let go of your ankles and think for yourselves.
Gibbons would probably appoint himself to the Senate. I emailed Flint, he comes to town now and then. What did the kid do for the $5400? Stand outside the motel door and play lookout?
I thought Endsign-Resign was roomates with some other Republihypocrits? Did they "play" too?
To All on this Board: You are neither credible nor humorous...get a life...turn off your new computer and go back to watching NASCAR...geez...what drivel and gossipmongering by a bunch of uninformed, uneducated maroons...
EN-SIGN SHOULD RE-SIGN.
He reminds me of the disgraced VP on the West Wing TV show. His names is "John Hoynes." Now if we could just catch Mitt Romney in an affiar. He is another "Mr. Perfect."
Clinton must be laughing hysterically.
He should lead the Republican Family Values Party with his deputies: Craig, Vitter, Gingrich, Limbaugh, McCain and Bristol Palin!
Ensign, beat the Hampton's at their own game. Once the money stopped coming in... They were ready to go public. The husband pimped his wife. All of them gained extra money for the wife being a whore. Now they are complaining? Bunch of low life, hypocrites... Even their son, was being paid by this jerk.
ENSIGN MUST RESIGN.
Janeyre.. you accept the idea of this guy using your pac money for sex? (pac money that should have gone to the senate campaign which he failed miserably).
"While working for Ensign's Battle Born PAC, Cynthia Hampton made nearly $700 per pay period for much of 2007. In February 2008, that doubled to almost $1,400"
Wow! Was she UNDERPAID!!! Isn't the going rate $1400 AN HOUR here in Vegas for the services this woman was providing to the Senator? Say what you will - these broads who go and play in some other woman's backyard have no self-respect or character; they are no better then the "cheap trick" chicks that walk the Strip.
Ensign, whose office is not replying to requests for interviews, has said he intends to remain in the Senate, though he resigned his GOP leadership position today.
Let me see: he doubled his honey's salary and employed her son, which I think makes her a high-class prostitute. Wasn't this bozo the one who railed against Bill Clinton and DEMANDED his resignation from his political office AT ONCE! And to be bipartisan, I believe he did the same thing when Larry Craig had his mensroom issues. Ergo, AS A CITIZEN, I DEMAND HE RESIGN HIS SENATE SEAT! However,I believe he was silent when David Vitter had his prostitute issues, but I understand they are buddies....partners in crime?!!! There, I feel better.
Let me see: he got his honey converted from an intern to a White House staff job and then attempt to landed her a job a Revlon, which I think makes the Clinton's cigar girlfriend a high-class prostitute. Wasn't glogrrl the one who whine and cried when people were calling for Bill Clinton's resignation from his political office? Ergo, GLOGRLL,is a hypocrite.
To All on this Board: You are neither credible nor humorous...get a life...turn off your new computer and go back to watching NASCAR...geez...what drivel and gossipmongering by a bunch of uninformed, uneducated maroons...
ELGATO...If your "new" computer wasn't on and you weren't reading....you'd have a life! Oh, before you turn 'yer' NACAR on, brush that 'tooth' and wash 'yer' greasy hair!