Never know when you might need pliers and lipstick

Dick Doyle

Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2009 | 4:46 p.m.

One beneficial thing about writing for a newspaper one day a week — I wrote such stuff five days a week for eight years in my other life as a Southern California editor — is that you get a chance to make observations and notes at a much more casual pace than I am used to.

I've noticed women's purses seem to be getting larger. Pretty soon, I'm sure, they will be for sale in a luggage store.

I was getting my car serviced recently when two women came into the waiting room carrying the largest purses I had ever seen. I knew they were not backpacks just from their shapes, and the long straps indicated they were not overnight luggage.

The two women sat beside each other, across from me in the crowded room and they began talking about their purses — at least that's what they called them. One said she got 50 percent off the cost of her handbag and then another 25 percent discount, making her bag a $100 purchase. I felt for my back pocket because I am positive my wallet pinched me. The other woman proudly said her bag, which was half again larger than woman No. 1's, cost $400. And, I know my wallet pinched me that time.

Woman No. 2 described some of the contents of her purse. She said she ran a small business that required she carry useful material with her when she was away from her office. Her description of some of the contents told me that my home office was lacking about 90 percent of what I needed to keep a business going. No wonder she needed a purse that size.

Woman No. 1, on the other hand, said she just has "regular gal stuff" in her purse and she mentioned a pair of pliers, some masking tape, three tubes of lipstick, two paperback books, a hairbrush, keys to both her cars, keys to cabinets in her home office, etc. etc. etc. She definitely qualified for an overnight case plus a briefcase. Or maybe two.

I kissed my wallet. "Thank you," I said.

•••

Clipping coupons is nothing new around our house. My bride, even in better economic times, has always saved us a buck or two at the grocery store by her careful clipping of manufacturers' coupons, and we've often used those offered by many generous Las Vegas-area buffet joints.

Guys don't clip coupons — at least none of the fellas I know. But last week I looked at the piles of those little square pieces of deductions, grabbed my magnifying glass and examined a few.

Sliced Gallo salame (yep, they spell it that way on the package, too) was the first one. A buck and a half off a package of pepperoni, it said. Pretty good deal. The small print told me that the coupon should be forwarded by the store that accepted it to a place in El Paso, Texas. I subsequently have learned that more than 100,000 coupons a day are sent to that address and three times that many go daily to other Texas coupon clearing houses.

But I digress.

The salame coupons also contained one startling message. It noted that the expiration date was April 31, 2009. Sorry Gallo. There is no April 31. Remember "Thirty days has September, APRIL, June and November ..." Somebody at Gallo (or its parent Sara Lee) apparently is calendar challenged.

And, there was another coupon, this offered by a major off-strip Las Vegas casino. It offered a two-for-one breakfast, lunch or dinner buffet on (and this was in capital letters) ANY WEDNESDAY in January. That would be on Jan. 7, 14, 21 and 28, dates spelled out in the small print. Then the coupon noted it was not valid on holidays or for their Friday Seafood Buffet!

What happened to the any Wednesday rule? No Wednesday in January was a holiday and the Friday buffet is certainly not served on Wednesday!

To cap it off, the coupon was valid through Jan. 31 — a Saturday!

Who thinks up these things? Covering all their bases? Overkill for sure.

•••

Finally, a personal note. The kindly and exuberant next-door neighbor for whom we were acting as caregiver, until her relatives from the Midwest could arrive, passed away Jan. 24 — one day after those relatives had returned home. Our neighborhood held a celebration of her life and we all grieved together for a truly good, generous and God-loving friend.

Dick Doyle, a community volunteer and former newspaper editor, is a columnist for the Home News. He can be reached c/o the Home News, 2360 Corporate Circle, Third Floor, Henderson, NV 89074; by fax at 434-3527 or e-mail at [email protected].