The Help Desk

Las Vegas Weekly Staff

Thursday, Oct. 9, 2008 | 11:39 a.m.

O.J. Simpson faces life in prison after being found guilty on charges of armed robbery and kidnapping. What a coincidence—he’d been dropping hints that he’d like to spend more time here.

Mob museum gets a name from the City Council—The (Redacted) Museum. Those in witness protection say, “What a (redacted) idea!”

Nineteen ex-employees suing Hofbräuhaus. They’re seeking damages and custody of the umlaut.

Criss Angel’s new Cirque du Soleil show being panned by the public. Angel reportedly working on his latest trick: making critics disappear.

The Lion King musical headed to Mandalay Bay. Rov. Jim Gibbons originally protested until someone told him the title was not The Lying King.

John Wayne Bobbitt training in Las Vegas for celebrity boxing match. Feel free to insert your own “staying power” joke here.

Wisconsin man wins trip to Las Vegas by winning grocery-bagging competition. Las Vegas says, “Yes! A customer!”