What Gibbons would say to Obama

Wednesday, Dec. 3, 2008 | 2:01 a.m.

Caught up in the moment, speaking in the hallowed place where the Declaration of Independence was crafted, President-elect Barack Obama could not help himself.

“Here in the cradle of our liberty, as we are beset by this terrible economic crisis, I hearken back to the spirit that helped elect me,” Obama told the nation’s governors and governors-elect arrayed before him in Independence Hall in Philadelphia. “I say to you: Yes we can. Yes we can. Yes we can.”

The chief executives applauded loudly. Some, spontaneously and almost involuntarily, began to chant along, “Yes we can. Yes we can.” But not all governors are created equal, and from the back of the room, a faint voice could be heard murmuring three very different words.

“No new taxes. No new taxes. No new taxes.” Gov. Jim Gibbons was blurting out his mantra, inspired by the place, the opportunity, the history.

Obama moved from the front of the room toward Gibbons, who was alone and standing against a wall. The president-elect approached Nevada’s governor and extended his hand. “You like those three words better, governor?” Obama asked.

“Worked for me,” Gibbons replied.

“How’s it working for you now?” Obama retorted. “Didn’t I read somewhere where your approval rating ... well, approval rating is an oxymoron when it comes to you, eh, governor?”

“Are you calling me a moron, sir?” Gibbons asked.

Nearby, California’s Arnold Schwarzenegger shook his head, turned toward the door and declared, “I’ll be back.”

Arizona’s Janet Napolitano, just nominated as Homeland Security chief, passed by and said with a smile, “Yes we can, Mr. President. Yes we can.”

Gibbons turned to her and declared, “No new taxes. No new taxes.”

As Napolitano shook her head and walked away, Obama turned back to Gibbons and said, “Governor, aren’t you here to ask me for tax money?”

“Yes, I am,” Gibbons replied.

“Your state’s infrastructure needs a lot of help, doesn’t it?” Obama asked.

“Yes, it does.”

“Aren’t you hypocritical for saying those three words and then coming here begging me for cash?”

“I don’t see it that way, Mr. President. I still say: No new taxes. No new taxes. No new taxes. Come on. Say it along with me, Mr. President. It feels good.”

Obama’s eyes widened in disbelief, and he looked around to see whether anyone could hear what he was hearing. He then spied New Mexico’s Bill Richardson, the incipient commerce secretary, and said in a soft voice to him, “Si se puede. Si se puede.”

Richardson smiled and replied, “Si se puede, Mr. President. Si se puede.”

Gibbons, eager to join in, declared, “No a impuestos nuevos. No a impuestos nuevos.”

Richardson looked at our esteemed governor incredulously, then walked away.

Obama turned back to Gibbons and asked, “Governor, don’t you have a huge deficit in your state?”

“Yes, it would take $2.4 billion in new revenue just to keep services at the same level.”

“So what will you do about that?”

“No new taxes,” Gibbons said with a blank smile. “No new taxes.”

“You must be joking,” the president-elect replied. “How can you do that?”

“Can’t you give me the money?” Gibbons wondered. “No new taxes.”

Obama started to shake his head and then said, “Can’t you think of a better answer? Don’t you know what that will do to your state?”

From nearby, Alaska’s Sarah Palin shouted, “I have an answer: Drill, baby, drill.”

Gibbons turned toward her and yelled, “Coal, baby, coal.”

Palin laughed and said, “Jim, you ditched me when I came to Carson City. Where were you? Not very hospitable of ya, Jim.”

Gibbons frowned and turned to Obama. “That’s why I am so glad to meet you, Mr. President,” he said. “Those McCain folks wouldn’t let me anywhere near him or Sarah. I still don’t know why. It’s probably why he lost the state.”

Gibbons then decided to ask Obama the question he had mulled since the election. “Mr. President, I know you are trying to be bipartisan, which is something I can’t relate to but somehow admire,” Gibbons began. “I know you haven’t filled the secretary of interior position yet. I am sure you have heard that I know water from the ground up.”

“What in the world does that mean?” Obama asked.

“I don’t know, but it sounds good. So what do you think, Mr. President? Do you think you could see your way to appointing me as interior secretary? I really need to get out of my state right now.”

Obama smiled, took Gibbons’ hand again and said softly to him, “Governor, I have three words for you: No, I can’t.”

Discussion: 10 comments so far…

By Fccfirstclass

12/3/08 at 4:55 a.m.

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LOL, Jon
By johnevegas

12/3/08 at 5:57 a.m.

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Brilliant! Thanks for the laugh, Jon.
By geezelouise

12/3/08 at 7:11 a.m.

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Thanks for starting my day with a smile.
By Future2012

12/3/08 at 8:10 a.m.

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This is Obama saying "No new taxes. No new taxes. No new taxes."
By KDR81

12/3/08 at 9:16 a.m.

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I'd rather have a boneheaded gov. who says no new taxes (And sticks to his guns) than some pansy that raises taxes every time some big special state interest blew all their money.

And last I checked it was $1.2 shortfall for a two year period ( not $1.2 billion per year to reach $2.4), and that was to keep spending at the level that was promised and the promised spending was several percent above the previous year...and several percent above the year before that and the year before that and so on and so forth.
By johnevegas

12/3/08 at 9:52 a.m.

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"I'd rather have a boneheaded gov. who says no new taxes..."

Good to know you've got what you wanted. Esp the bonehead part. Maybe Lance Burton can help your boneheaded gov. make money appear from nowhere? Do you believe in Magic?

Or how is this, no Federal bailout for Nevada without raising state taxes first? Yeah, I like that one.
By KDR81

12/3/08 at 10:04 a.m.

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...except he'll probably let the legislature raise taxes even though there still isn't any good reason to.

and I support no fed bailout, no bonding, no borrowing. The state needs to keep cutting spending and keep the budget balanced.

But what I really dislike are journalists who censor information...journalists like Brian Greenspun.
By jfnance32

12/3/08 at 11 a.m.

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Obama is considering not raising taxes on the rich.

Why?

Because even Obama knows that raising taxes in this economy is a boneheaded thing to do.

I know that Lord Rogers has dreams but he is living in LaLa land like a lot other Democrats.

Raising taxes on businesses will most likely cause more layoffs and heartache for the everyday Joe on the street.
By rednevada

12/3/08 at 11:09 a.m.

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Ralston needs to take off his Obama pajamas, and put his Barrack Bobble Head Doll back in the drawer. He criticizes Guinn for too much tax-and-spend and then turns around and does the same to Gibbons who does the opposite. What exactly does Ralston want other than a good laugh"
By b737200300

12/4/08 at 5:53 a.m.

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So what happened to Obama taxing the rich, that went right out the window right away... What else are we in for.

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