Courtroom drama’s Vegas sequel: Dignity-free and off-off-Strip

Thursday, Sept. 20, 2007 | 7:02 a.m.

Like anything else that was popular 10 years ago, the O.J. Simpson show has landed in Las Vegas. With a thump.

As with Broadway shows, " O.J.: The Las Vegas Spectacular" is likely to be a shell of it s former self. Shorter, no doubt. The car chase scene will be cut and the Brentwood mansions have been traded for Palace Station, of all places. Worse, nearly all of the original stars are gone.

Right now, Johnny Cochran's role is being played by Yale Galanter, who got good reviews in the Kobe Bryant and Robert Blake shows, but this is O.J. The producers ought to think big. Hasselhoff big.

Orenthal James Simpson returns as O.J., of course, but it's not enough of a speaking role to carry this thing.

The only other returning cast member, former prosecutor Marcia Clark, apparently has fallen on hard times, playing a supporting role as a legal correspondent for Entertainment Tonight. She's gone all out for this part: cosmetic surgery, blond hair, a spray-on tan and a complete dignity ectomy. With her tight brown skin, she looks like glacier mummy. If she fell asleep in the woods, archaeologists would search her pockets for arrowheads.

This is definitely an off-Strip show. Heck, it's off-off-Strip, as in Clark County Regional Justice Center.

As for Wednesday's bail hearing, it wasn't. The prosecution and the defense worked out a $125 ,000 bail in advance, behind closed doors (nice Vegas touch).

That was pretty much it - everything was over in less than 10 minutes.

Thank goodness the O.J. show comes with separate, outdoor dramatic tapestry, which we in the news media just slobbered over.

In the 7 a.m. pre-show, helicopters circled the courthouse. On the ground, reporters lined up for admission to the courtroom (provided you were on the list).

Other reporters walked up and down the line filming them. Some jerk, maybe me, tried to ruin the footage by making a devil-horns hand gesture and a tongue-out metal face. Other reporters, usually TV guys, bummed not cigarettes but lip balm.

After court proceedings, defense lawyers did a great public show on the courthouse steps. The crowd of 200 included about 50 civilians, which meant competition to interview them was pretty fierce among the 150 news people, with their 30 television vans.

Much of the public was conveniently colorful.

A photographer for the New York Post pointed at a popular local street performer wearing gold tails and carrying a busted electric guitar and shouted to his freelancer : "Bob, that's Mr. Happiness. Write that down."

One man wore a chicken costume and would give his name only as Chicken George. He was in Los Angeles when Simpson was acquitted of double murder in 1995. Chicken George didn't like that, so here he was with a sign that said , "Not This Time O.J."

"I can stand here holding the sign," George said, "but when I put on the chicken costume, people take notice."

He's right . I was maybe the fourth guy to interview him and I saw him getting interviewed later.

Garren and Kim Cone followed Simpson from Coco Beach, Fla. , so they could pass out T-shirts with O.J.'s face on them and prison bars on top, and the slogan "Get Arrested in Vegas, Stay in Vegas." Garren Cone was pretty upset about Simpson getting out on bail.

Another woman, calling herself the Juice Queen, gave out bottles of "free O.J." that turned out to be Tang.

Also popular was a mostly toothless man wearing a T-shirt that said, "O.J. '07," and a hat that said, "I Famous People," but a rumor went around that he was a ringer planted by a talk show.

A few purely promotional stunts provided a backdrop as the lawyers talked to the cameras. One guy waved a picture of a bikini-clad singer and the name of her album. Two guys promoted Web sites, one for a yet-to-be-released Las Vegas real estate DVD, another for a quickie O.J. chat site.

Another off-Strip show, the Golden Nugget's "Defending the Caveman," sent over a guy in a polyester pelt with a plastic club . A guy in black, maybe with the show, maybe not, gave away doughnuts. "That's the new Scorsese, right there!" he shouted at a cameraman. He added, in a two-minute span, "Four dead in Ohio! Four dead in Ohio!" and "Free Krispy Kremes!"

Local hot dog eating champ "Kid" Cary DeGrosa held a camera to his face and bellowed like a mastodon across a primeval swamp.

"Wait a minute, wait minute, I've got Elvis and the caveman!" he said. "Isn't this great? It's not as big as in Los Angeles, but we're not L.A."

Wandering tourists posed for pictures with crazies and cops.

One guy complained into his cell phone that his girlfriend didn't preserve his appearance in the background of some television shots.

"I told the (derogatory term for a woman) to hit record, but the (derogatory term for a woman) said, 'Oh, they'll show it later.' (Expletive) (derogatory term for a woman)."

As he has for the past three days, one man wandered the courthouse steps with a banner that read, "Ask Jesus to Save You Now."

He yelled, to no one and everyone: "Only Jesus knows when you're going to leave here!"

Simpson, however, was out of jail by noon.