THE OPENING LINE

Monday, June 18, 2007 | 7:05 a.m.

Web site is like a box of ...

With apologies to Forrest Gump, it's really the Internets, as President Bush called the World Wide Web, that is most like a box of chocolates. Or at least one of those Halloween-size bags of mini-Hershey bars.

While researching Rick Rhoden's career win-loss record, you never know what you are going to get.

This is what I got: an introduction to the One More Dying Quail blog (http://onemoredyingquail.blogspot.com), the most endearing feature of which is the Bizarro Hall of Fame.

The author of the site isn't identified, although there is a subtle reference to his days as a publicist for the Nashua Pride minor league baseball team of the Can-Am league - which, as far as I can tell, has nothing to do with the old Can-Am sports car racing series (rest in peace, Denny Hulme ) .

The Bizarro Hall of Fame is dedicated to ... heck, why don't I let The Quail himself explain it:

"As part of an ongoing project, One More Dying Quail will be profiling the 182 current members of the Bizarro Hall of Fame, an organization that currently exists only in my mind. It was created in the wake of Major League Baseball's infamous Steroid Era as a way of honoring those players whose careers were perfectly mediocre: The only requirement is that a candidate be listed on the official Baseball Hall of Fame ballot and receive zero votes."

It doesn't get much mediocre than zero votes.

Rick Rhoden ( class of 1995) is in the Bizarro Hall of Fame, but his credentials pale in comparison with others considered for baseball immortality (albeit ever so briefly) who went voteless.

To wit:

Steve Stone (1997): Three things you should know about Stone, the baseball player: One, his 25-7 record in 1980 won him the American League Cy Young Award and accounted for nearly a quarter of his 107 career wins; two, he was the third-best Jewish pitcher in major league history behind Sandy Koufax and Ken Holtzman; and three, he surrendered the only home run Duane Kuiper hit in nearly 3,400 career at-bats.

Terry Crowley (1989): Many observers lament that the Hall of Fame's standards have sunk so low that players such as Scott Brosius are now included on the ballot. They are obviously unaware of Crowley, a man whose main claims to fame were serving as the first designated hitter in Baltimore Orioles history and being a really good pinch-hitter.

Jon Matlack (1989): For some reason, I expected Matlack's numbers to be better; sorry to say, there might have been some weird confusion with Jerry Koosman. Matlack was a good pitcher, however, winning 15 games and the National League Rookie of the Year award in 1972. Also (and there's really no reason to mention this, other than it made me laugh), his middle name is Trumpdour.

Oscar Gamble (1991): If Gamble had not been the owner of the 1970s' greatest head of hair, I would have been forced to dislike him for two reasons: First, he finished his 17- year career with exactly 666 runs batted in; and second, he was part of the 1977 trade that made Bucky Dent a New York Yankee.

Greg Gross (1995): The runner-up for the 1974 National League Rookie of the Year award, Gross mixed in an utterly amazing statistic with an otherwise average stat line that season, stealing 12 bases and being caught 20 times. Outstanding.

Bob Knepper (1996): Most Bizarro Hall of Famers had some sort of claim to fame that landed them on the Hall of Fame ballot: a top-10 finish in major award voting, exceptional performance in the postseason, a stretch of four or five great years. I'm at a loss, however, to explain Knepper's presence.

Quail, if your sense of humor was any more dry, they'd use it in a martini.

THIS WEEK'S BEST BET

Ricky Hatton vs. Jose Luis Castillo, pro boxing, 4:30 p.m. Saturday (first bell), Thomas & Mack Center.

The last time he was in town, Hatton, the pride of Manchester, England, (sorry Herman's Hermits) said he got excited when he saw his name in giant letters on the marquee. Well, he actually was a bit more specific, but we'll leave it at that.

TICKETS: $50-$600.

ON THE WEB: www.unlvtickets.com

ALSO WORTH A LOOK

PBA Senior U.S. Open, today-Friday, Suncoast Bowling Center.

To paraphrase (sort of) what Elaine told Jamie Gertz on "Seinfeld " : If you've got a spare to square, these guys might be interested.

TICKETS: Free.

ON THE WEB: www.pba.com.