Thursday, Nov. 3, 2005 | 7:52 a.m.
Two weeks ago UNLV and Utah played a football game that lasted 3 hours and 47 minutes.
Wars have been fought in less time.
At 9 a.m. on Aug. 27, 1896, British warships bombed the island of Zanzibar. At 9:45, Zanzibar surrendered. The Anglo-Zanzibar War lasted all of 45 minutes.
It's a good thing CNN wasn't around in those days. Wolf Blitzter would have had to go home before the first TV timeout.
Remember when Yogi Bear used to sleep until noon, but before it was dark, he'd have every picnic basket in Jellystone Park? If Yogi was a football fan, that could never happen today -- unless Jellystone State was idle.
These marathon sessions on the nation's college campuses have forced TV viewers to make as many halftime adjustments as the coaches. Last week I set TIVO to run only a half-hour past the 3 1/2 hours allotted for the Air Force-BYU game. So I missed the last five touchdowns in the Cougars' 62-41 victory.
Two weeks ago, after UNLV filled the air with 56 forward passes, many of which fell incomplete and stopped the clock during a game that was hopelessly lost, Rebels coach Mike Sanford said his team didn't lose, it "just ran out of time."
Then he asked for a razor so he could shave his beard. The game lasted so long he looked like Pete Conrad after splashing down at sea.
Sanford said on the sideline he has no concept of time. But when he was told the Utah game lasted longer than "Titanic" he admitted that 3 hours, 47 minutes was too much football for a single sitting.
"After having coached in the NFL," said Sanford, a former San Diego Chargers assistant, "there's some things that the NFL has done to speed up the game. And I think that's a good thing.
"I think three hours would be ideal."
The reason why most NFL games are completed in around three hours -- the average for the first five weeks of this season was 3:08, compared to 3:21 for the 11 Division 1-A college conferences -- is because network TV demands it.
So between the "CSI" promos, the clock doesn't stop on first downs and teams have 40 seconds from the end of the previous play (instead of 25 when the ball is finally spotted in college) to run another one.
Presto! A football game in three hours, give or take a couple of first-down measurements.
I know Rebels quarterback Jarrod Jackson, for one, would vote for a three-hour time limit. UNLV ran 95 plays against Utah, and Jackson wound up holding his ribs after about 75 of them.
Fatigue enters into the equation, but a three-hour game would benefit college football fans more than college football players. Anything longer that that, you're talking about a NASCAR race, and those never end. The last time I went channel surfing, Tony Stewart was still leading the Winn-Dixie 1400, but Jimmie Johnson was closing fast.
A report in the Indianapolis Star said executives at ABC/ESPN, NBC and CBS would not comment on the length of the games or said through spokesmen that long games are not an issue.
"If it becomes a big issue, fans will let you know," said Jeff Behnke, a senior vice president at Turner Sports.
At UNLV, fans already have spoken. Most left the Utah game at the end of the third quarter.
Those planning to attend Saturday's game against BYU may want to bring a novel or knitting needles. Last week's Air Force-BYU game took 3 hours, 51 minutes, and the Cougars and Texas Christian University earlier this year played a 51-50 overtime game that took 4:42.
There was no truth to the rumor that British warships were circling the stadium when it ended.
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