Wednesday, March 16, 2005 | 9:35 a.m.
A Bob Knight-coached team is playing UCLA?
Zzzzzzz. Lights out, Bruins fans.
Or have you forgotten about that 106-79 thrashing that Indiana handed you in an Elite Eight game in Albuquerque in 1992?
Reduce that game to 40 one-minute battles, and UCLA was 0-for-40. At halftime, Bruins coach Jim Harrick and his crew trudged up a steep ramp that leads to both locker rooms.
Knight and his charges zipped by their dreary foes, knowing they had the game, like gazelles.
Moreover, Indiana started its epic 32-0 campaign in 1975-76 with a 20-point victory against UCLA in its season opener.
This time, Knight coaches Texas Tech. The Red Raiders play UCLA in a first rounder in the Albuquerque Region, but the Bruins will be spared the humiliating steep-ramp trudge because the Thursday site is Tucson.
The song, however, will remain the same for UCLA because of Knight's disdain for that program.
As a longtime coach in Indiana, Knight has never acknowledged another great master -- John Wooden -- from the state.
Mix in Knight's penchant for operating within the rules, and the late Sam Gilbert's notorious booster activities in Westwood during the Wooden era, and the result is utter contempt.
No team will be better prepared in the first round than Texas Tech, which prizes each possession better, guards tougher and is more accurate at the free-throw line than UCLA.
Onto the rest of the Madness, from A to Z:
ACC? Fans of that league will no doubt be disappointed when none of its teams reach the Final Four. In a week and a half, remember where you first read that line.
Best scoring defense in the tournament? Southeastern Louisiana, at 55.8 points a game. But we hardly believe that Oklahoma State will be scared of the Lions on Friday in Oklahoma City.
Charlotte, which plays skittish North Carolina State, is the lone 7 seed that is a first-round underdog, by four points, to its 10th-seeded foe. That's value.
Dr. Tout, the anonymous area medical expert who made his debut in this space last year, once again believes he has the prescription for success. Take Vermont plus-11 against Syracuse on Friday. Thanks, Doc.
Eastern Kentucky, thanks for the memories. You'll drop to 0-6 lifetime in the NCAAs when Kentucky runs a clinic against you Thursday in Indianapolis.
Farleigh Dickinson, out of Teaneck, N.J., is the only team to make the tournament that is even remotely close to New York City. More fundamentals need to be honed out at Rucker Park.
Georgia Tech loves St. Louis, because the Yellow Jackets emerged out of the St. Louis Regional a year ago to go to the Final Four.
However, Kentucky is also fond of the Gateway Arch. The last time the Final Four was held in St. Louis, in 1978, the Wildcats defeated Duke, 94-88, for the national championship.
It's unfortunate, though, that the Wildcats own a woeful 66-percent free-throw touch. That will be their undoing.
Joe Mihalic, Niagara's coach, has history on his side. The Purple Eagles won a game in their only tournament appearance, in 1970. What Mihalic doesn't have is Calvin Murphy to run his show.
Kansas is the only program to win at least three games in each of the past two tournaments, and the Jayhawks did that with different coaches. Even more impressive, KU has won at least three in three consecutive NCAAs.
Louisville's scoring margin of 18.8 points a game is second in the field, to North Carolina's 19.7. An Albuquerque semifinal against Washington would produce the tournament's most electric showdown.
Michigan State is our sleeper Final Four pick. As usual, the Spartans are bold on the boards (plus-8 margin), smart with the ball and lethal (78 percent) at the line. And coach Tom Izzo has won it all before, in 2000.
No NCAA tournament is complete without an all-name first team, which is Delaware State guard Jahsha Bluntt, Kentucky swingman Kelenna Azubuike, George Washington forward Pops Mensah-Bonsu, New Mexico forward Bombale Osby and Chattanooga forward Mindaugas Katelynas.
Opening-round games stink. After concocting this dumb idea in '01, the NCAA should get into the business of official shell games on the streets of the annual Final Four city.
Poor, poor Iowa, which opens against Cincinnati and the nation's best shooting defense (36.8 percent) Thursday in Indianapolis.
Quite a recipe for disaster for Montana, which gives out 13.6 assists a game but turns it over 16.8 times. Washington should run roughshod Thursday on that funky court in Boise, Idaho.
Really? USA Today says Oakland's odds of winning it all are 22 gazillion to 1. Hilton sports book manager Jay Kornegay, will you take a fiver on that one?
Shutout, for the first time since 1972, teams from the state of Indiana. At least they can look forward to that race.
Thanks for coming, Delaware State. First-round opponent Duke allowed a paltry 9.9 assists a game this season, third in the nation to Air Force (8.6) and Princeton (9.3).
Utah State gets the unenviable task of trying to corral Arizona guard Salim Stoudamire, the most dangerous long-range shooter (at 53 percent) in the field.
Villanova will need its edge on defense to topple New Mexico, and standout forward Danny Granger, on Friday in Nashville.
Watch out, Syracuse, for zone-buster Taylor Coppenrath, the 6-foot-9 Vermont senior who is the leading scorer, at 25.7 points a game, in this tournament.
Xavier Whipple, the LSU senior guard, saves us on the most challenging letter. "Doesn't get his team into trouble," reads the Tigers media guide. That's all we needed to know.
Yango, Guillaume. Pacific's senior center from Paris had 18 points and 5 boards in the 12th-seeded Tigers' first-round victory against Providence a year ago. UOP is again a 'dog Thursday, against Pittsburgh.
Zags zip their way to a seventh consecutive tournament, the past six under coach Mark Few. Mispronounce Gonzaga in front of Few and you'd better have a solid insurance policy.
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