Columnist Lisa Ferguson: Sun Lite for Sept. 22, 2003

Lisa Ferguson

Monday, Sept. 22, 2003 | 8:22 a.m.

Poker faces?

With California's recall election on hold, there's no telling exactly when or if, for that matter the Golden State will be making way for a new governor.

Nevertheless, the star-studded campaign process has been at least interesting to watch. For some including the Clearwater, Fla.-based masterminds of the website CaliforniaTotalRecall.com it's also proved profitable. Earlier this month the site began selling a deck of playing cards (for $6.99 a pop) featuring the faces and, um, political posturings of 52 gubernatorial hopefuls.

Busty billboard model Angelyne has her assets and aspirations plastered on the two of hearts, accompanied by this quote: "We've had Gray. We've had Brown. Now it's time for some blonde and pink."

The two of spades is former child star Gary Coleman: "I am the least-qualified man to do the best job, if I were really running."

Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt is the two of diamonds: "Just because I peddle in porn doesn't mean I'm not concerned about the serious ills all of us are facing."

On a similar note, the two of clubs card featuring adult-film star Mary Carey reads: "I want to show that you can do porn and it doesn't mean you're stupid."

Worth a mint

Lower taxes. Budget deficits. Improved funding for schools ... blah, blah, blah. What fresh-breath-loving California constituents really want to know is: What is the recall election's official chewy mint? The votes are in, and the winner is Mentos.

OK, so the mint makers they're also the people behind those annoyingly perky commercials for the little, round candies bought their votes. In an effort to promote the recent launch of its new box-shaped packaging, the company earlier this month sent each of the candidates a selection of Mentos (in cinnamon, tropical fruit, strawberry and, of course, mint flavors) and declared itself "The Official Chewy Mint of the California Recall Election."

Wait just one mo-Mentos there's no place for flavored mints in politics. Guess again: The company cites "scientific evidence" about the positive effect of chewing "on thinking, memory and cognitive tasks." The mints were offered in hopes of getting the candidates to "think outside the box."

With the recent election stall, however, here's hoping the candidates don't chew too quickly.

Best faces forward

At least there's something everyone not only Californians can do to help fill the time while waiting to learn whether ballots will ever be cast: Take a little trip on the Information Superhighway; it's littered with all sorts of recall-election goofiness.

One of our favorite sites is politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/ blcaliforniarecallmorph.htm. There, you can "morph" the candidates' smiling, support-seeking faces (mangle 'em is more like it).

Use your computer's mouse to drag Arnold "The Terminator" Schwarzenegger's nose over to his ear; then stretch his teeth until they touch his biceps. Squash Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante's forehead into his chin. Make columnist-turned-candidate Arianna Huffington's grin wrap clear around her head.

When you've finished making a mess of the mugs, click the reset button and start over. Aside from reading and watching news coverage of the recall race gone awry, it just doesn't get much more entertaining than that.