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NOW
Charlie Starkweather, meet Elizabeth Lambert.
Charlie Starkweather was the guy who murdered 11 people with his girlfriend Caril Ann Fugate and was the inspiration for Bruce Springsteen's chilling and universally acclaimed album "Nebraska."
Lambert is the University of New Mexico soccer player who went on a three-state crime spree without leaving the stadium during the Mountain West Conference women's semifinals against BYU over the weekend.
OK, murdering 11 people and pulling a Cougar down by her ponytail and punching others in the back and face aren't exactly the same things.
But if Springsteen's next album is called "Provo" and features stark and mournful acoustic guitars, you'll know where he got the idea.
THEN
Lambert received only a single yellow card -- a warning -- after her attempt to maim half the Cougars' roster. In terms of leniency, this would be akin to slapping Gaear Grimsrud on the wrist after he jammed Carl Showalter's body through the wood chipper in "Fargo."
She should join the University of Florida football team. There, the TV cameras can catch you trying to gouge an opponent's eyes out and your coach will only suspend you for half a game. Heck, trying to blind somebody for life is much less important than a Florida football victory.
i went to fight and a hockey game broke out