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July 24, 2014

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To theme or not to theme: Casino executives might have this debate

A meeting among resort executives who have taken over the open swath of land on the Strip across Las Vegas Boulevard from the shuttered Sahara resort:

Executive 1: All right, gang. We have some choice property, approval to build a hotel on that property, and a gaming license for all variety of legal gaming.

Executive 2: Party!

Executive 3: Shovels in the ground, pronto!

Executive 1: Before we start digging, obviously, we have to address our top priority. How will this resort be themed?

Executive 3: What about the moon? Moon Las Vegas, something like that.

Executive 2: Tell your cab driver, “Drive me to the moon! Let me play among the stars!”

Executive 1: I love the idea of moon rocks as poker chips. “I’m putting all my rocks on red!”

Executive 3: Bartenders in space suits …

Executive 2: Get spaced out at Moon Las Vegas! Launch into orbit!

Executive 3: Cocktail waitresses in … skimpy space suits.

Executive 1: At Moon Las Vegas you will feel weightless!

Executive 2: Not just feel weightless. You will be weightless. We need the atmosphere at Moon Las Vegas to be as close to the atmosphere on the real moon as possible.

Executive 3: We need a feasibility study. I’ll, um, float that idea.

Executive 2: Funny.

Executive 1: But is the moon a familiar enough concept to draw an international audience?

Executive 1: I doubt it.

Executive 2: Why not?

Executive 1: No other country has ever been to the moon.

Executive 3: Curse the space race!

Executive 1: I’m just thinking we should be more grounded, stay on this planet.

Executive 3: Paris! Paris is a nice place.

Executive 2: Paris is also a hotel about a mile from here.

Executive 3: Ah. The Eiffel Tower. Forgot.

Executive 2: We’re in the desert. Morocco, maybe? Or something with a very strong, desert vibe, with camels and sand dunes. It’s a natural fit.

Executive 1: You’ve just described two imploded casinos, and another one across the street that closed about two years ago.

Executive 3: Rome is pretty. Italy? Great food. Great scenery.

Executive 1: Great Caesars ghost, guys. That ring a bell?

Executive 2: Dang. Right. And I was just about to suggest roving centurions and dancing fountains.

Executive 3: What about Egypt? There are a lot of design effects we could borrow from Egyptian culture.

Executive 1: Like, say, a giant pyramid with a Sphinx at the entrance?

Executive 2: You are being sarcastic, right?

Executive 1: Big light beaming out of the tip …

Executive 3: Ireland! Irish themes are very festive, the four-leaf clover. Leprechauns. The pointless braying of Irish drinking songs.

Executive 1: Now that is a Linq to a tired idea.

Executive 2: You said that with a “Q.”

Executive 1: For good reason.

Executive 3: A carnival for the entire family? With trapeze artists, high-wire acts and midway games like Dime Pitch and Whac-A-Mole?

Executive 1: Not far from here you will see a hotel with a giant clown’s face at the front ...

Executive 3: Right. Forget that.

Executive 2: We seem tapped out here.

Executive 1: What about ... No theme?

Executive 3: No theme? As in, just a beautiful resort full of amenities that guests find appealing?

Executive 1: With big, clean, comfortable rooms, top-notch entertainment, great food, convenient access.

Executive 2: And no moon rocks?

Executive 1: Right. No moon rocks. No gimmicks. Just a great resort.

Executive 3: We might have started a trend!

Executive 1: Or just become aware of one ...

Follow John Katsilometes on Twitter at Twitter.com/JohnnyKats. Also, follow “Kats With the Dish” at Twitter.com/KatsWiththeDish.

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