Profitable penalty is cause for a safety dance

By John Katsilometes

Sunday, Feb. 1, 2009 | 9:15 p.m.

Tonight we praise not the unprecedented sixth Super Bowl victory by the Pittsburgh Steelers, or Ben Roethlisberger’s solid leadership in the face of crimson-hued blitzers, or the Korbut-esque acrobatics of Steeler wideout Santonio Holmes.

Nor do we laud the defeated Cardinals, the man-child Larry Fitzgerald or Godsend Kurt Warner, who but for a 6-foot, 240-pound blind spot wearing No. 92 would be celebrating his second Super Bowl victory tonight.

No, tonight we thank the safety. Praise be to the safety. Worth two points on the scoreboard, $80 in our wallet, and priceless in our hearts.

The safety prevented my annual Super Bowl betting foray – Super Bowl forty-three-ay, I should say – from spiraling into a triple-digit defeat. With a little more than three minutes to play in the game, Roethlisberger dropped back from his own 1-yard line and completed a 19-yard pass deep right to Holmes that appeared to give Pittsburgh a crucial first down. But my MAN, Steeler center Justin Hartwig, hog-collared blitzing linebacker Karlos Dansby in the end zone. We know what that means – auto safety. The flag flew out, and I joined hundreds of other fans watching the game in the Las Vegas Hilton Theater as we rose and pressed our hands over our heads, performing a Westernized version of the Manipuri dance that is of course steeped in rich tradition in northeastern India.

“Safe-TEE! Safe-TEE!” we chanted, and for good reason. The safety bet went off today at plus-700, after opening at plus-900, which means that enough money came in pro-safety to move the odds pretty significantly. I bet 10 clackers on the safety, and cashed a ticket for $80, total. I had a few other bets, too, if you consider 13 “a few.” I missed the side, the total, interceptions, and fumbles lost. I had the team scoring first (the Steelers) not winning the game (the Steelers did win), and Cardinals scoring last (wrong). I had the Steelers being penalized for more yards than the Cardinals, which was so far off-target that, in the fourth quarter, I deduced it would be mathematically impossible for the Steelers to be penalized more than the Cardinals unless a Pittsburgh player were arrested for a felony.

But I hit a few to keep it from being a substantial, Lehman Brothers-like free fall. I hit Fitzgerald’s total receptions (over 6 ½), Edgerrin James’ total yards (under 41 ½), and a defensive or special teams score (the careening, 100-yard interception return by the afore-referenced James Harrison. That might have been the game’s most scintillating play ... aside from the obvious.

A few notes LV Hilton SuperBook manager Jay Kornegay said the event was, "The Super Bowl vs. The Recession," and business was brisk enough at the SuperBook to make Kornegay feel like a winner, even as he insisted on wearing a vintage John Elway Denver Broncos jersey that dated at least to the 1988 Super Bowl. ... A scuffle between Cardinals and Steelers fans marred an otherwise peaceful viewing experience in the theater, which seats about 1,800 and was roughly three-quarters full. ... "Legends In Concert" founder John Stuart was in the house, and he's got a new, vintage rock-and-roll production in the works, so I am told. ... Matt Lauer's pregame interview with President Obama was just about unwatchable. Not sure what was more grating, the constant interruptions so Lauer could inject his witticisms, or the displaying to the president the US Weekly cover with Michelle and the girls on the cover. "But they left you out! In favor of Jessica Simpson." Obama at least managed a grin, saying, "Who has a weight problem, apparently."