A train of notes on the Monorail, Francis and Frances

By John Katsilometes

Friday, Aug. 14, 2009 | 4:58 p.m.

This column has a lot of “train” references, from a trip on the Crazy Train to the guys who play a version of “Crazy Train” as one of the city’s great live acts. We even have a former public figure who, maybe, should have taken the train from Wisconsin to Vegas.

Like the UFL’s Las Vegas Locomotives, we’re riding the rails:

Going off the rails once more

I’ve been trying out various Monorail routes for several months. The best is the Sahara-to-MGM Grand route, park at the Sahara and cruise up to the MGM to avoid the hassle of trying to park at the Emerald City (construction work on Tropicana Avenue east of the Strip has made driving into and out of the MGM a royal pain). Wednesday, I tried a new route, taking the Crazy Train from Sahara to Flamingo for Donny & Marie, then from the Flamingo to Planet Hollywood. Not a good choice. The walk from the nearest Monorail station to PH -- Bally’s -- is a killer, even with the automated walkways that lead into and out of Bally’s. The Monorail’s air conditioning works OK, though. Maybe if and when it’s decommissioned, it can be remade into a roving party palace. George Maloof can take it over, fill it with NBA players, starlets and professional scenesters and call it The Monorail Suite. Next stop, Paris Hilton Station ...

Lighten up, Francis

The best pulled-from-court-documents item of the week is from the Wynn Las Vegas-Joe Francis case. District Judge Michelle Leavitt has ruled in favor of the hotel in this gambling debt case and ordered Francis to pay a past-due fee that might reach $3 million with interest. As was reported by the Sun’s Jeff German, during a February deposition Francis acted distracted, disrespectful and generally agitated as he was questioned by Wynn lawyers. Francis, of “Girls Gone Wild” fame, reportedly treated the procedure like one of his mindless Spring Break forays, improperly asserting Fifth Amendment rights against self-incrimination and texting and chatting on his cell phone during questioning (“I’m wearing a new suit, what are you wearing? ...)

And this rip-roaring nugget: “… several times during the deposition, Francis openly passed gas, further disrespecting the legal proceeding, the Wynn lawyers charged.” The Wynn legal team should have known something was amiss when Francis showed up with the legal team of Ren & Stimpy.

Deane hell-er

The photos that accompanied German’s story about Frances Deane’s plea bargain in District Court, where she pleaded guilty to three felony counts (15 were dropped) of attempting to profit from her position as Clark County recorder through the illegal sale of real estate documents filed with her office. Deane’s dour, weighty appearance in the photos taken by the Sun’s Sam Morris is stunning. The three-year ordeal has obviously taken its toll on a woman who has long been a fascinating, if tragic, public figure. My favorite Deane episode was about three years ago, months after she was removed from office by a District Court judge.

At that time, October of 2006, we discovered she’d actually shifted from making the news to covering it as a photographer with the weekly Las Vegas Tribune and host of an Internet radio show on AllTalkRadio.net. She was spotted, snapping photos, in the crush of media covering a Chrissy Mazzeo news conference. When I called her that day to ask about her new career path, she said, “You can talk to my publisher. You can talk to my editor. You can talk to anyone but me.” Then she hung up.

Deane has since moved to Wisconsin. A woman who has always seemed a magnet for dumb luck, she was said to be injured in a car accident in Utah while en route to Vegas. She faces a maximum of 15 years in prison, but the D.A.’s office is making no recommendation for her sentencing. It’s just as well. The woman who appeared in court today has suffered a lot already.

Witty, metal banter

Radical transition here, but Steel Panther is providing a great opportunity for their first 100 fans Saturday at Aliante Station’s Access Showroom, and it has nothing to do with a guided tour of their dressing room. The heavy metal tribute band known for their massive mall packs (rhyme that one out) and peerless stage banter will be premiering their new music video, “Community Property,” during Saturday’s show.

The first 100 fans will get a meet-and-greet photo op with the spritzed-and-Spandexed quartet. The shenanigans begin at 9 p.m., and there is no cover (that is true of most S.P. fans, too).

Yet another Fremont Street experience

By coincidence, I’ve had lunch twice this month at the relocated Tinoco’s Bistro, which moved from its former location on East Charleston next to the Arts Factory to Las Vegas Club on Fremont Street. The restaurant, owned by Enrique Tinoco, opened at the L.V. Club in late January and hauled a few of the old tables and design effects to the new place.

For those wondering why Tinoco’s would move from its former, familiar location to a hotel not known for its cuisine, Enrique has a fortuitous business relationship with Tamares Group, the majority owner of Las Vegas Club (along with the Plaza, Western and Gold Spike in downtown Las Vegas). At the moment, Tinoco’s operates rent-free. The two sides have signed a five-year lease with an option for a five-year extension, and for a certain period of time under that agreement, Tinoco’s is not required to pay rent. The upshot for Tamares is the restaurant helps bring customers to the hotel-casino and can be used in package deals for those staying or playing at any of its properties.

Something else about downtown: I was told by a person working the cashier’s cage at one of the Fremont Street hotels that my Fremont Street Experience parking garage ticket would not be accepted at the garage even if it was validated. After checking into this on-site, a spokeswoman for the FSE said that is not true, that all hotels along Fremont Street and part of the Fremont Street Experience canopy attraction do accept those stamped tickets. It was a mix-up in communication, I’m told.

Good, because, as Diane Chambers would say, something about having to pay to park downtown makes me blanch.

Follow John Katsilometes on Twitter at twitter.com/JohnnyKats.