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April 16, 2014

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George Wallace: ‘Go see the blue men, or come see the black man’

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George Wallace.

Robin Leach's Vegas DeLuxe

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Chris Tucker Performs With George Wallace

George Wallace performs at the Flamingo Showroom on March 23, 2010. Launch slideshow »
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George Wallace, Donny Osmond and Nathan Burton during Donny's return to the Flamingo with his champion's mirrored disco ball trophy on Nov. 25, 2009, after his win on ABC's Dancing With the Stars with Kym Johnson on Tuesday night.

Editor’s Note: One of today’s guest columnists is Flamingo headliner comedian George Wallace while Robin Leach takes his well-deserved annual vacation to Europe (follow him on his travels at twitter.com/robin_leach). Every day, a new column, plus you never know what Robin will dig up in the wine country north of Rome, so please check back daily.

By George Wallace

Attention, attention, attention! Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Welcome to the desert. I’m sure you’ve heard about our hot weather. Well, now that you’re here, take off your clothes and sit a spell. Relax and enjoy. During the winter, you complained about the cold. Yes, you. Because it was cold everywhere. Even here in the desert.

It was so cold here in Las Vegas, Baskin Robbins was selling soup. They created a new item. It was called the Rush Limbaugh flavor. It tastes like crap, but you get a lot of it. It was so cold in Chicago and Detroit, those kids wearing their pants below their butts, well, they had ’em up in January. That new winter disease called butt-monia made them use that belt the way it was meant to be used.

So now that you’re here in the heat, don’t complain. Even though you’ve noticed what problems the heat can generate. Yeah, the heat in this place causes our locals to say and do stupid things. Just walk along Las Vegas Boulevard and notice some of our local idiosyncrasies. There’s a sale everywhere!

1. Bonanza Gift Shop: Look at the marquee. It says, “If it’s in stock, we have it.” Why don’t they just say, “If you pay for it, it’s free.”

2. Davis Cemetery: The sign out front says, “Buy one, get one free.” That’s a hell of a sale.

3. Ethiopian Restaurant: Personally, I didn’t even know they had food in Ethiopia.

Seriously, do me a favor. I am “The New Mr. Las Vegas.” Please enjoy our lovely city.

And do three things while visiting:

1. Have the best French toast in the world at Simon at Palms Place.

2. Eat dinner at Mon Ami Gabi at the Paris.

3. Then laugh your ass off at George Wallace: I Be Thinkin’ at the forever fabulous Flamingo at 10 p.m. nightly.

Go see the blue men, or come see the black man.

Tomorrow, VegasDeLuxe.com welcomes Rick Faugno, star of Jersey Boys at the Palazzo, and Austin “Chumlee” Russell of Pawn Stars on The History Channel. Guest columnists this year include Holly Madison, Donny Osmond, cast members of Jubilee! and Jersey Boys, Chefs Julian Serrano and Charlie Palmer, plus other surprises including nightlife analysis by Jesse Waits and Jack Colton.

Robin Leach has been a journalist for more than 50 years and has spent the past decade giving readers the inside scoop on Las Vegas, the world’s premier platinum playground.

Follow Robin Leach on Twitter at Twitter.com/Robin_Leach.

Follow Vegas DeLuxe on Twitter at Twitter.com/vegasdeluxe.

Follow VDLX Editor Don Chareunsy on Twitter at Twitter.com/VDLXEditorDon.

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