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Friday, Oct. 22, 2010 | 2 a.m.
If Harry met Sharron now:
Harry Reid: “Konbanwa, Sharron.”
Sharron Angle: “Excuse me, Senator?”
Reid: “I’m very sorry. I thought you were Asian, so I said hello in Japanese.”
Angle: “Very funny. But people don’t think the economy is funny, Senator. So they don’t care about that stuff.”
Reid: “Wait, let me get my notes. Here it is: You are extreme, Sharron.”
Angle: “Let’s make a deal, Senator. You don’t call me ‘extreme’ and I won’t wonder how you made your money.”
Reid: “OK. And if you don’t talk about how rich I am, I won’t talk about how the Queen of Anti-Government Benefits lives off her husband’s BLM pension. By the way, do they know you are a BLM wife out there in the rurals? They don’t like the BLM.”
Angle: “If you don’t mention that, I won’t talk about how you live in a condo at the Ritz-Carlton that’s worth a million dollars. One million dollars.”
Reid: “Domo arigato.”
Angle: “What? Are you getting lost again, Senator?”
Reid: “I was just saying thanks a lot in Japanese. I keep thinking you are Asian because you look a little Asian.”
Angle: “Well, thanks to you, Senator, China is surpassing us in every economic measure. And it’s because of you, the stimulus, bailouts and Obamacare.”
Reid: “You are extreme, Sharron. And I have no idea why I am even here with you.”
Angle: “You are here because you are a rubber stamp for Barack Obama and together with Nancy Pelosi you gave Nevada the highest unemployment in the country.”
Reid: “I had nothing to do with that. Nothing. Not I. But let’s change the subject. Hey, look, Sharron, some Hispanic kids are here. Why don’t you tell them they look Asian?”
Angle: “Hey, I have a Mexican grandchild. Why isn’t that enough for people?”
Reid: “Kyokudo! Kyokudo! Kyokudo!”
Angle: “I knew there were domestic enemies in the Senate. See, he can’t even speak English, which should be the official language of the United States.”
Reid: “I was just calling you extreme in Japanese, Sharron. It’s hard not to think of you as Asian, Sharron. And I bet you could speak in a Japanese dialect if you wanted to.”
Angle: “You can make fun of me all you want, Senator. But that won’t make people forget about Obamacare or the economy.”
Reid: “I sure hope it does. Let’s change the subject. Hey, Sharron, what about all those terrorists coming from Canada, eh? Pretty frightening!”
Angle: “It is. And I read somewhere that they came across the border into Dearborn and set up Sharia law there. And now women there have to wear veils all the time. I read that.”
Reid: “Kokyu! Kokyu! Kokyu!”
Angle: “Did you call me ‘cuckoo,’ Senator?”
Reid: “See, she is Asian! I knew it. Are you in this country legally, Sharron? Shall we call you Tokyo Sharron?”
Angle: “Senator, are you autistic? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
Reid: “Well, if I were, you wouldn’t want me covered by insurance, would you?”
Angle: “I know it’s hard for a socialist like you to understand the free market, Senator. Not every ‘disease’ (uses air quotes) should be covered. But let’s talk about the economy, Senator. I heard we only lost 36,000 jobs this month. Is that a good thing?”
Reid: “I never said that! Wait, that’s your trick. OK, I said it. So what? If they wanted an orator for this job, they shouldn’t have hired me.”
Angle: “Well, we want to fire you. You are Obama’s apprentice. So as they say on that show, ‘You’re fired.’ ”
Reid: “You are extreme, Sharron. And, wait, what’s the other word? It’s here somewhere. Oh, yes: Dangerous. Extreme and dangerous. Why am I here with you?”
Angle: “You are here because you are an illegal alien’s best friend, Senator. You want amnesty for all of them, all of those people.”
Reid: “What people, Sharron?”
Angle: “Oh, don’t play the race card. I was talking about illegal Canadians on our soil. They could be dangerous. Those were Ottawans in my ad.”
Reid: “Kokyu! Kokyu! Kokyu!”
Angle: “You can call me names, Senator. But you can’t get away from the unemployment rate. You did it. You. You can’t make people forget.”
Reid: “Forget what, Extreme One?”
Angle: “I thought we had a deal, Senator. How about we don’t talk about any of this nonsense for the rest of the campaign?”
Reid: “But if we don’t talk about that stuff, what will we talk about?”
Angle: “I guess we’ll just have to shut up.”
Reid: “Sayonara, Sharron.”
! (personally, I think Sharon is a Chinese spy surgically modified to appeal to the lowest common denominator in Nevada.. the unemployed disaffected masses who continue to believe in the hoax that a free market = full employment.)
Good stuff, Mr. Ralston.
I'm glad you're maintaining a sense of humor about this.... Following the dips and turns and twists and dips this nightmare has taken us on could mess with your mind.. I saw you on with Ed Schultz yesterday with Heidi Harris... Good piece but Ms. Harris sounds more and more like Michelle Bachmann everyday...yeowee..
Keep the faith...
When I got to the bit about "Tokyo Sharron," I just lost it. Hysterical, Jon! It's a shame we let these amateurs run their own campaigns.
Jon Rolstan- I don't understand how you can get paid for this! Do you actually earn a paycheck for this type of nonsense? This article is beyond none-sense. Here we are in one of the worst economic crisis ever, and the best you can do is come up with this foolish crap. How can anyone with a brain take anything you say seriously? Or find it funny when you are so stupid; this news papers have constantly tried to make Sharron Angle look like she's crazy. Sharron Angle will do a very good job for Nevada, and will support Governors like the Gov. of Arizona who wants to protect Arizona, and America, which is more than I can say about Sinister Reid. Not once have you done an article on the negative effects of illegal immigration, not once have you challenged Senator Reid atrocious record of illegal immigration, and he did by the way Vote YES on allowing illegal immigrants Social Security. How can you make light of the fact that Sinister Reid voted NO on making English the official language of the United States Government? Your funny Senator even voted NO on limiting benefits to Illegal immigrants, which included, food stamps, housing, public schooling for their children who are not citizens of the U.S.A. Senator Reid voted yes on giving Federal Dollars to declared sanctuary cities. Reid does not care about America. I have not voted yet, but I will vote for Sharron Angle- I use to be a democrat, and not anymore.
Uproarious fun-Times of New York. Laugh out loud funny-Washington DC Post. Hysterical-Rollin' Stone. So Awful I didn't see it but I'll bad mouth it anyway-Faux News.
I can't believe the LVSUN redacted my comments made in Mandarin Chinese. WTF? Are you serious? That is the language of the American Financiers!! How dare you ignore it??!!!
Thank you, Jon.
From a Japanese first-gen, it's hilarious when folks try to act ethnic, like rappers rockin' the suburbs, a joke of perception.
Sharron's problem isn't what she stands for, it's what she honestly is, a politician who says anything to win.
For Reid, no different, and a fundamental crux for voters who can't not pick one or the other. Default is Reid, and we don't want to reboot.
Domo Arigato, Mr. Ralbato.
Angle is being cast as too articulate, this doesn't come off well. She has 10 sound bites she regurgitates over and over like Sean Insannity.
Angle backer Texas based preacher Stephen Bradon is now calling for the violent overthrown of the USA government. Looks like Angle's call for "2nd Amendment Remedies" is being acted on by the teaparty wackos.
Mred,
Did you ever protest when people picked on Obama over William Ayers?
The bottom line is this.....
SHARRON ANGLE IS WORSE THAN GEORGE BUSH.
But still better than Reid. :)
Jon, That was really funny. Its nice to see humor in politics once in awhile. Having lived in 13 states over the last 56 years, this has to be the most wasted amount of money ever spent on two people, that are unfit for office, that I've ever seen. A wanna be and a has been. Then the president comes to Vegas, that he has told americans (not to waste there money in) and acts like he's Nevadas best friend. I guess thats suppose to be funny too. He's such a two face.
LOL. Now that captured the entire spirit of this particular race.
Bill Ayers is more moderate and less violent than members of the Iraqi or Afghanistan Governments that George Bush embraced.
Stephen Broden is a good leader of the teapots, I hope they elect him their "leader."
Thank you so much. This is the most my husband and I have laughed in a long time. You are a genius!
One person commented with incorrect information regarding what Harry Reid voted for.It is not worth my time to correct him.
For those who would like to know what Harry Reid has done for Nevada, they should go to the web-site:
harryreid.com/content/pages/a
Even those who are going to vote for him may not know some of the things he has done for Nevada.
Thank you again Jon for making us laugh. We really needed. "Laughter truly is the best medicine."
Harry Reid is on his way to solid win.
Hey, Ralston, VERY funny light-hearted piece. I LOVED IT!!!
The new health care law wasn't supposed to undercut employer plans that have provided most people in the U.S. with coverage for generations.
But last week a leading manufacturer told workers their costs will jump partly because of the law. Also, a Democratic governor laid out a scheme for employers to get out of health care by shifting workers into taxpayer-subsidized insurance markets that open in 2014.
While it's too early to proclaim the demise of job-based coverage, corporate number crunchers are looking at options that could lead to major changes.
"The economics of dropping existing coverage is about to become very attractive to many employers, both public and private," said Gov. Phil Bredesen, D-Tenn.
THANKS HARRY, GREAT WORK