Sunday, June 20, 2010 | 2 a.m.
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Message to family — no Father’s Day gift for me this year. I have picked out my own.
I am a most fortunate father. I have a daughter who loves me, grandchildren who adore me and a wife who still tolerates me. I want for nothing and I need very little. But a Father’s Day gift still makes the old man happy, if only that it shows someone is paying attention. And, if it is one thing all fathers have in common, it is the secret need for attention.
This year, I got my gift a little early. It was purely unintentional, and it was given without the slightest thought by the donor that it would be one of the most precious gifts she could ever give me.
Fathers like to think that we have done something right in passing on to our children important life lessons we learned from our parents. That’s the way generations improve upon one another and the way we progress as a society. It is also a religious command that we pass our knowledge down to and through our children.
Generally, though, the life cycle gets in the way of our sticking around long enough to know if the lessons took and the message was passed on properly.
Well, I got my gift early in the form of a eulogy that my daughter, Amy, gave at the funeral service for her grandmother, Barbara Greenspun, two weeks ago. It is the kind of message that each of us older folks would love to know that the younger generations have learned and understood. It is in that belief — that each of us will get something from her words — that I reprint them in this space.
This is a case of a daughter giving a gift to her children from their great-grandmother that only a son, a father and a grandfather could appreciate. If you fit somewhere in that description, or would like to, read on. And have a very happy Father’s Day.
•••
My Dear Children,
You’re both too young to be here today to say goodbye to your great-grandma Barbara. There’s a lot you don’t know about her, and so much I wish you could learn from her ... as I have. So I write this letter to you both, to pass on the lessons that she has taught me ... lessons about how to live, lessons about how to die, and everything that fills the spaces in between.
Live full ... We are blessed with one life, and we can choose to waste it away, or embrace each day like Grandma Barbara did. Globetrotter, risk taker, mother, wife, sister, advocate, socialite, athlete, philanthropist, activist, businesswoman, publisher, friend, matriarch ... she was all of these ... usually before lunchtime. A woman with an unparalleled strength and grit, she saw each obstacle as an opportunity, and always found a way to move forward, make progress, succeed. She would steadfastly fight for her principles all day, and elegantly dance the waltz all night. She never sought a platform or a voice, but when she was given both, she used them to make a difference in her community, and to challenge others to do the same. She inspired through action, and made her own mark on a community and a city with a rich, colorful history.
Laugh ... One of the greatest gifts Grandma Barbara shared with the world was her sense of humor. Her sharp, witty, quick and unrelenting sense of humor. Sometimes it was used to help put people at ease. Sometimes it was used to charm them. And, often, it was used simply to make people smile. And it always worked. Even in her darkest days, she managed to make us laugh.
Love ... As your mother, I can’t in good conscience tell you to agree to marry someone after knowing them for just a few hours. I also can’t tell you that love at first sight is always real and always endures ... but those aren’t the lessons here. Whomever you fall in love with, whomever you end up marrying, love them with the depth, the purity and the unwavering certainty with which Grandma Barbara loved Papa Hank.
Trust ... Not everything in life is planned. If one day your spouse asks you to pack up everything and move the family across the country days later, or disappears for weeks at a time without so much as a phone call, then sometimes you just have to trust that everything is going to be all right. Trust takes confidence in oneself, and true belief in someone else, and Grandma Barbara had both of these in spades.
Give back ... Give back to your school, your community, your faith, your country, your world and your planet. Give when you don’t have a whole lot to give because there is always someone out there who could use a little help. The more Grandma Barbara made, the more she gave away. Children, women, Jews, Israel, animals, students, the arts, education, health care all benefited from the value she gave to philanthropy.
Family first, family forever ... Of all the great things Grandma Barbara accomplished in her life, her proudest achievement is by far her four children, 10 grandchildren, and eight — soon to be nine — great-grandchildren. Sure, she was tough when she had to be, and often welcomed newcomers into the family — or outlaws as we like to call them — with a hint of skepticism that only a protective mother can understand. But at her core was a devout love and commitment to her family. From holidays at the Las Vegas Country Club, to summers at the Balboa Bay Club, to our annual family vacation in December, Grandma Barbara and Papa Hank both found their happiest and fulfilled moments when they were spending time with their children and grandchildren.
In the last several months of her life, Grandma Barbara lay in bed waiting to die ... waiting to finally meet up with Papa Hank after 20 years of being apart. She could no longer do all the things she loved to do, no longer have the impact on Las Vegas she was accustomed to having, and yet she lay there, day after day, month after month. Perhaps it was her innate strength and will that kept her alive for so long. Perhaps she wanted to see one more great-grandchild lay next to her on her bed. Or perhaps it was her final gift to the family she loved so much ... giving them time to say everything they needed to say, giving them a reason to come together ... giving them one last lesson on how important family is.
So, Oliver and Julia ... Live full. Love more. Give more than you take. Laugh more than you cry. Make a difference in your life, and in somebody else’s. Stay close to your family in good times and in bad. And one day, pass these lessons on to your own children ... and tell them this is what you learned from your great-grandma Barbara.
Brian Greenspun is editor of the Las Vegas Sun.
