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Stumblejon ralston:
A candidate’s ideal press conference
Wednesday, Aug. 4, 2010 | 2:01 a.m.
News item: GOP Senate nominee Sharron Angle tells Fox News she wanted the media to be her friend and: “We wanted them (the media) to ask the questions we want to answer so that they report the news the way we want it reported.”
The cameramen were ready, the reporters had their pads out. The Sharron Angle news conference was about to begin. You could almost feel the excitement.
Her communications team passed out sheets of paper to each media member. I have changed their names to protect the guilty. Here’s how it went:
Randy Jackson: “So these are the questions on this sheet that you want us to ask, Assemblywoman?”
Angle: “Oh, please, call me Sharron. I want the press to be my friend.”
Rhonda Jones: “OK, Sharron. Love your suit. So, if you don’t mind, I’ll start: How damaging has Harry Reid been to the economy here?”
Angle: “Great question, Rhonda. He has been waterboarding the economy — that’s one word for your notes — and we have to get rid of Obamacare, bailouts and deficits. Am I talking too fast?”
Ricky Johnson: “Sharron, it’s your friend, Ricky. If I am reading this sheet right, my question is: Don’t you think Harry Reid just wants to make deals in Washington?”
Angle: “Another excellent question. You guys are on today. Yes, ‘Let’s Make a Deal’ Harry Reid always puts the special interests above We the People. We need to take back our government.”
Roland Justice: “Hey, Sharron. Thanks again for dinner last night. Your house is lovely. Anyhow, my question is: Don’t you think that Harry Reid and President Obama and Speaker Nancy Pelosi have lost touch with the American people?”
Angle: “Very insightful question, Roland. Reid-Obama-Pelosi are mortgaging our country’s future. That’s why the Tea Party rose up for mainstream America. We will no longer put up with our leaders in Washington.”
Ralph Jones: “Nice answer, Sharron. Hey, I don’t want to be too tough but I need to ask this: Do you think Harry Reid favors amnesty?”
Angle: “That is a little hard-hitting, Ralph. But I’ll take a stab at it. Yes, he does and his position on the Arizona law says it all. He and his type in Washington are for open border and amnesty.”
Renata Juloski: “Hi, Sharron. Don’t you think it’s terribly unfair how Reid’s campaign has run all those negative ads and twisted your words and distracted from the real issues of the day?”
Angle: “I am glad I am not the only one to see it that way. I never said I would phase out Social Security or that the unemployed were spoiled or that it was part of God’s plan to force raped women to have a baby. It’s all just nonsense by Dirty Harry Reid.”
Robert Jidles: “Dirty Harry! Good one, Sharron. Hey, my bosses were wondering if we could shoot kind of a ‘Day in the Life of Sharron Angle’ special for our website. It would be like your great campaign commercials — the ones that show you talking to those audiences and they all agree with you. You up for that?”
Angle: “Absolutely. That’s what people really want to see. How hard I am working out there on the trail, not making deals in back rooms. I am talking to real people about real problems, not living in some fancy condo in Washington.”
Randall Jasper: “Sharron, when you said in that ad that we are living in a fearful society, you meant that Harry Reid is frightening people with his policies, right?”
Angle: “Exactly. People out there are scared for their lives. That’s why I talked about people wanting to use those Second Amendment remedies.”
(An aide whispers in her ear.)
Angle: “Oh, can we strike that last comment? It was off the record.”
Chorus of media: “Of course.”
Angle: “One last question and then I must go. These press conferences can be so exhausting.”
Reilly Johanson: “Sharron, do you think Harry Reid might be the spawn of Satan?”
Angle: “I don’t know if I would go that far. But I know, as God is my witness, that many of Reid’s policies are evil and are destroying the greatest nation on Earth. I was sent here to stop him and I will.”
A member of Angle’s communications team asks the press assemblage if anyone has any follow-ups. (Much head-shaking.)
Angle: “So you all have the website, right?”
Chorus of media: “SharronAngle.com.”
Angle: “And the agreement is you’ll put it at the end of your stories.”
(Much nodding.)
Angle: “Thanks, friends. I just love the First Amendment. This is what a free press is all about.”
Discussion: comments so far…
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Hilarious article, Jon. Enjoyed it.
You forgot the last question. And it's so apparent, I'm surprised you forgot to throw it in there.
Reporter: "Enjoyed this unbiased and fair and balanced news conference. And I thank you for your gracious time spent with us. One last question though.... Are you still seeking campaign contributions?"
Sharron: "OHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSS! I'm so glad you reminded me. Because that is the main important thing. The most important reason for this press conference. In order to beat the evil triumvirate of impending doom cabal of Pelosi/Reid/Obama and take our country back and ensure the further existence of American democracy in order to revert Nevada politics circa 1832, you NEED to send me money. If you could reach in your wallets and purses out of the goodness of your heart and send me anything, it would be greatly appreciated. And for the first 1,000 contributors, I will send you my new Sharron Angle decoder ring. It has many uses. Like when to use Second Amendment remedies and when I appear on Fox News for fair and balanced news conferences, not to mention when I will vote no on something. So, don't delay. Send me money. Because how can I continue to tell you anything you want to hear if I don't have money?"
Something like that.
Sheesh.
All Sharron Angle promotional material should include the confirmation: "Sharron Angle is one clown short of a circus!"
I fear Angle is close to losing it at a press conference.
What if some punk journalist is feeling lucky that day and decides to make a name for him or herself by asking the wrong question? Will Sharron's psycho side take over and say, "Let me handle this inquiry."
Then the big story becomes media mayhem as a First Amendment exercise turns into Sharron's Second Amendment remedy when the candidate whips out her Dirty Harry and proceeds to waste a few of the nosier scribes.
If I'm a reporter covering an Angle presser I'm wearing a flack jacket. Just sayin.
http://www.bgladd.com/SharronMangleFlatl...
Maybe the press should boycott Sharron Angle - not mention her by name, not attend her events, and not report on her pronouncements and activities. Just cover Harry Reid in the normal, responsible way, and ignore Sharron altogether.
Nahhhh ...
Voted YES on Bush Administration Energy Policy. (Jul 2003)
Voted NO on tax incentives for energy production and conservation. (Jun 2008)
Voted NO on requiring full Senate debate and vote on cap-and-trade. (Apr 2009)
Voted NO on protecting middle-income taxpayers from a national energy tax. (Apr 2009)
Voted YES on Congressional pay raise. (Jul 2009)
Voted NO on requiring photo ID to vote in federal elections. (Jul 2007)
Voted YES on allowing some lobbyist gifts to Congress. (Mar 2006)
Voted NO on establishing the Senate Office of Public Integrity. (Mar 2006)
Voted NO on banning more types of Congressional gifts. (Jul 1995)
Reject photo ID requirements for voting. (Sep 2005)
Voted NO on more penalties for gun & drug violations. (May 1999)
Voted NO on allowing tribal Indians to opt out of federal healthcare. (Feb 2008)
Voted YES on blocking medical savings acounts. (Apr 1996)
Voted YES on continuing federal funds for declared "sanctuary cities". (Mar 2008)
Voted NO on declaring English as the official language of the US government. (Jun 2007)
Voted NO on building a fence along the Mexican border. (Sep 2006)
Voted YES on allowing illegal aliens to participate in Social Security. (May 2006)
Voted NO on limit welfare for immigrants. (Jun 1997)
Rated 0% by USBC, indicating an open-border stance. (Dec 2006)
There is excitement in the editor's office... Jon Ralston is about to debut his new "news" item... Mr. Greenspun is lighting a cigar with a $100 bill as a himalayan cat sits in his lap. "What have you got for me Ralston?"
Jon steps up to the Mr. Greenspun's desk... "Well... i don't actually have anything newsworthy - and nobody notable will actually talk to me anymore, so I made up a... um... completely imaginary article... again."
Brian seems disappointed... "Jon, you're one of the only people we didn't can here, I pay you good money, and you can't even give me a real article or interview out of you?! i mean... how hard is it? Just give me something about how firefighters are underpaid, that we need to quadruple education spending, that we need to increase property taxes, and that we would all be better off if we institute an income tax and corporate tax!!! Any idiot could do that! Hell, didn't you see my latest editorial where I engaged in a lengthy diatribe about how much better off we are since Kenny Guinn saddled us with his massive tax hikes and sent Nevada barreling down the road to economic failure?"
"Mr. Gree... I mean... I could reprint some more Reid rhetoric that his campaign office has been feeding me - that would be good, right?"
Mr. Greenspun leans back and looks down contemplatively... "Jon, I'm going to have to be honest here. I think you need to spend a night in "the box" to contemplate your failed comedic fiction career. Damn... Angle? This isn't even funny! Even Carrot Top could at least squeeze a chuckle out of it. Plus, she's running against HARRY REID Jon! No matter what you say about her, you and I both know an orangutan could win this race - provided it's last name isn't "Reid", so do you really think this article is going to help us later? This... this is just drivel to fill a blank page."
"Noooooo Mr. Greenspun... not a night in the box... puhleeeze", Jon whined.
"Save it Ralston... GUARDS! Take Mr. Ralston to the box."
I really think that a lot of you Reid supporters will be surprised come november, Senator Reid voting on some very serious issues pertaining to national security, most of us believe that our borders should be secure, but Wing nut Harry disagree. Sharron Angle will get my vote.
Voted YES on Bush Administration Energy Policy. (Jul 2003)
Voted NO on tax incentives for energy production and conservation. (Jun 2008)
Voted NO on requiring full Senate debate and vote on cap-and-trade. (Apr 2009)
Voted NO on protecting middle-income taxpayers from a national energy tax. (Apr 2009)
Voted YES on Congressional pay raise. (Jul 2009)
Voted NO on requiring photo ID to vote in federal elections. (Jul 2007)
Voted YES on allowing some lobbyist gifts to Congress. (Mar 2006)
Voted NO on establishing the Senate Office of Public Integrity. (Mar 2006)
Voted NO on banning more types of Congressional gifts. (Jul 1995)
Reject photo ID requirements for voting. (Sep 2005)
Voted NO on more penalties for gun & drug violations. (May 1999)
Voted NO on allowing tribal Indians to opt out of federal healthcare. (Feb 2008)
Voted YES on blocking medical savings acounts. (Apr 1996)
Voted YES on continuing federal funds for declared "sanctuary cities". (Mar 2008)
Voted NO on declaring English as the official language of the US government. (Jun 2007)
Voted NO on building a fence along the Mexican border. (Sep 2006)
Voted YES on allowing illegal aliens to participate in Social Security. (May 2006)
Voted NO on limit welfare for immigrants. (Jun 1997)
Rated 0% by USBC, indicating an open-border stance. (Dec 2006)
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My God man. Now Ralston is blatantly part of the Reid spin machine. Seriously Ralston, you get paid for this? You are a HACK. I'm not even in favor of Angle but man you suck as a columnist. When are you ever going to show both sides? Now you're taking to embellishing on behalf of the Reids. Where's your objectivity? You know, you're so far up the Reid's backsides you can't even see daylight at this point. Are you proud of that? As a writer, seriously, are you proud of that? This is what you went to college for? Wow. What a shame.
BTW, well played MysterMr.
Yours was a hell of a lot more entertaining than Ralstons. And he gets paid. I agree wholeheartedly. Ralston is so on the Reid thing it isn't even funny anymore. Where's the education story about how Nevada didn't get the money? No investigative reporting done on that by Ralston? Instead he spends hours thinking up pedestrian columns such as this.
But wait, for $350 a year you can get his newsletter.
He is just waiting for TMZ to call...
Angle is a Second Amendment remedy waiting to happen. Nuts just don't come scarier.
'HAVE LAPTOP WILL TRAVEL'
Oh my, I can tell things are going to get quite interesting around here now.
The 'East Coast Mercenaries' have arrived and they are here to install and secure the election of Ms. Angle. These hired guns do not care about what is best for the citizens of The Great State of Nevada.
They have come here and setup thier 'BAKUFU' which is Japanese that literally means (tent office or tent government), to tell us what to do and what to think. They are just like sea gulls, they fly in and drop thier "poop" and then fly off again.
Jon, just keep printing the facts, because there is one thing a mercenary can not kill and that is the truth.
'DIVINE MADNESS'
" Those whom the Gods wish to destroy they first make "MAD".
Anonymous ancient proverb-Attributed to Euripides
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, 'UNUSUAL'.
Difinition: Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
Now, my concerns with Ms. Angle is not her beliefs or her religion, because she is entitiled to those; my major concern is, if entrusted with the authority to make decisions that will affect the lives of me and my family; will they be "at odds with the majority; in short, 'UNUSUAL'.
Thank you MysterMr for showing us how your satire underscores how desperate the Angle campaign is. She has to go to Fox and to her media pimps, supporters like you to ignore what she stands for. Telling the media to ignore their 4th estate responsibilities by pimping for her screams out how dangerous and disconnected from the electorate she is.
How stupid do you think voters, right or left are?
Her gafts and words and positions clearly demonstrate, she believes they are really stupid.
Here's a flash, they are not as stupid as you and she hope they are!
Is this the best the right wing extremists could find to represent their viewpoints? What a shame!!
But thanks because for most of us who can think, analyze, study history and depend on facts Sharron Angle provides the best opponent, thinking people can have.
You are exactly correct, vikings.
I am completely amazed at all the rhetoric that is meant to denigrate Senator Reid, fine tune looking for the slightest thing he did wrong, Reid baaaaaad, Reid baaaaaad, allegations of corruption that are unfounded, and other things.
And those same ones that do that...don't have a damn thing to say about Sharron Angle. Nothing, nada, zilch word about her accomplishments or anything.
This all leads me to the belief the most vocal ones aren't even from Nevada and won't vote here, but they sure want to stick their grubby mitts in the election and try to snow people that Sharron Angle is the best thing to happen since Swiss cheese and ham on rye with dijon mustard.
And all while they are doing this, Sharron Angle appears before the cameras and spouts even more incredibly stupid ideas and makes more idiotic gaffs. And then the next day, she'll contend she didn't say apples, she said oranges. It's a continuous thing with her campaign.
So, make sure you have popcorn ready, because this continuing rodeo will continue. And it will be laughs a minute. Such is life as a Tea Partier, where you are not constricted by truth.
If I were Senator Reid, I'd just lay back and let her trip over her feet and wait for her to shoot herself in the foot some more. Because from all signs shown, it will continue.
But the important thing is to call her out on this idiotic stuff and reveal those goons that surround her for the political hokey hack blowhards they are.
I'm voting for Sharron Angle. But make no mistake about it, the people she has running her campaign must have been rejects from the McCain/Palin staff. They're trying to paint her as something she is absolutely not. She's not a slick politician or a great public orator. But she doesn't say things like, "Because he has light skin and can change his accent when he wants to he would make a good black president." Or something to that effect.
So Colin you're ok with racebaiter Harry as your Senator? Someone who sold his state out to Nebraska and Louisiana for a few sheckles. Someone who takes his money from out of state lobbyists and bigshot trial attorneys of the ilk of John Edwards. Someone who complains that his constituents are "smelly." See you in Gesthemane!!!
"I'm voting for Sharron Angle. But make no mistake about it, the people she has running her campaign must have been rejects from the McCain/Palin staff."
Angle's newest spokesperson, Jarrod Agen, was hired from a failed California gubernatorial campaign, and is a former Bush appointee.
She's about as smart as Bush, so I guess he'll fit right in.
The smearing of Sharron by Rolston and The Sun continues. Note the (non) story by AnJeanette today.The voters can see right through it.
Well edge there's no debate that the Nevada Republican party is a total disaster. They couldn't even get past the Pauliacs at their last convention. It's been run by RINO's for as long as I can recall my political history in Nevada. You'll get no argument from me on that one at all. But that doesn't mean we should goose step our way to the Reid camp and endorse someone who sells out his state like he did with Obamacare. And sooner or later folks like Raggio and the Lowdens will be moved out in favor of those who have some plan other than "Democrat lite."
Even nutbar talk radio has given up on Angle.
She has hired a Giuliani campaign loser.
According to talk radio host and ED SHOW commentator, Heidi Harris, Angle has turned down campaign help from the "chicken-lady."
When she loses, will the Glen Bucks of this world incite their zombies to attack? the way a Beck listener was on the way to attack the "Tides Foundation." ( we are not taking about detergent dittoheads.)
I suggest the health care bill be expanded to include more mental health care for Nevada Angle supporters.
Local talk radio stations are installing studio shoe shine stands for Republican Candidates like Ensign and Angle.
Yes, Mr. Ralston, this was hillarious. Imagine, wanting the media to focus on the issues instead of expecting Sharron or any other candidate having to constantly answer to the mud. After all, when someone has nothing to run on, mud makes a great diversion.
And yet, Sharron Angle is still polling even with Harry Reid...
People who still support Angle are lemmings heading for the cliff, and they won't know it until they are half way down.
Let Reid run on his record. If you look at his voting record it is plain to see that he wants the USA to look like Europe. A Socialist is a Socialist. He can not change what is written. This is why he and others, Democates and Republicans alike do not run for re-election on their record. They only have ad's that attack. Kick that bone-head out. Let Angle have a term and lets see if things change. She may not be as good on her feet as Reid, but her stance on many ideas are more helpful for us the American people.
When even Republicans indicate Angle is much too extreme, she has a serious problem. Her latest, stating that gov't programs violate the 1ST Commandment, tells me I do not want her anywhere near ANY public office! The lady is 52 cards short of a deck!
@ pmontg53 - I'm not surprised at Harry Reid's voting record - that's why I don't care for him. But you go another thing coming if you think I'm going to vote for that WHACK JOB - SHE'S CRAZY. At least I KNOW what I'm getting with Harry Reid. With Sharron Angle, I'm gettting a WHACK JOB. Nothing has been taken out of context with her words - it's all there, unedited, to hear for ourselves. Unfotunately, Harry Reid is getting my vote!
Larry, Angle is hanging on by her fingernails to stay within the margin of error. A month ago, she was ahead by 20 points. People are catching on to how much of a wing-nut she really is. Hang it up, Larry, it's over.
If Sharron Angle was committed to a Nut house, she would still be better than Harry Reid. Nevada need a Change.
tonymann: Whether you agree with what Sharron says on not, the difference between Dirty Harry, and Sharron Angle is, she is honest, she's not trying to force he religion down your throat, she's not as slick as the Dirty one, she have not been tainted like the Dirty one, You vote or not to that is your prerogative, and right.
Great article, Jon.
But I'm afraid you can forget about Sharron coming back on your show. I would love to see you interview her for a full hour, but that will never happen now. Or before either, I'm sure.
This woman scares the heck out of me. I find it chilling that she has gotten this close to representing our state in the senate.
And if she wins...I guess we have to face the fact that we are a bunch of marginalized people.
Can you believe how Senator Reid Voted on Illegal Immigration: doe's this sound like a Man who cares about his country?
Voted NO on declaring English as the official language of the US government. (Jun 2007)
Voted NO on protecting middle-income taxpayers from a national energy tax. (Apr 2009)
Voted YES on eliminating the "Y" nonimmigrant guestworker program. (May 2007)
Voted NO on building a fence along the Mexican border. (Sep 2006)
Voted YES on continuing federal funds for declared "sanctuary cities". (Mar 2008)
Voted YES on Bush Administration Energy Policy. (Jul 2003)
Voted NO on tax incentives for energy production and conservation. (Jun 2008)
Voted NO on requiring full Senate debate and vote on cap-and-trade. (Apr 2009)
Voted YES on $2 billion more for Cash for Clunkers program. (Aug 2009)
Voted YES on enlarging NATO to include Eastern Europe. (May 2002)
Voted YES on Congressional pay raise. (Jul 2009)
Voted NO on requiring photo ID to vote in federal elections. (Jul 2007)
Voted YES on allowing some lobbyist gifts to Congress. (Mar 2006)
Voted NO on establishing the Senate Office of Public Integrity. (Mar 2006)
Voted NO on banning more types of Congressional gifts. (Jul 1995)
Reject photo ID requirements for voting. (Sep 2005)
Voted NO on more penalties for gun & drug violations. (May 1999)
Voted YES on maintaining current law: guns sold without trigger locks. (Jul 1998)
Voted NO on allowing tribal Indians to opt out of federal healthcare. (Feb 2008)
Voted YES on blocking medical savings acounts. (Apr 1996)