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November 21, 2009

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Celebrity/media NFL picks Week Eight

Silver and Black and Brown — on the gridiron, an ugly confluence of colors

Saturday, Oct. 31, 2009 | 1:45 p.m.

Trivia question: When was the last 0-0 tie in NFL history?

Answer: I don’t know. That’s why we have Google, and that 542542 text thingy. And I don’t care.

That’s mostly because I don’t feel the need to look it up. I’ll just wait a couple of months, when the answer becomes, “Raiders vs. Browns, Dec. 27, 2009.”

The Raiders finally worked their way to the apex of offensive ineptitude by slapping a goose egg on the board last week in a home shutout loss to the Jets. It took hard work for Oakland to finally reach the bottom -- after somehow scoring 20 points in their season-opener and another 13 the following week (it takes a while to get into midseason form), the Raiders’ offense settled in, scoring in single digits for their following three games. After a 13-point hiccup a couple of weeks ago, Oakland responded with its best performance of haplessness last week and with an NFL-low five touchdowns and a scoring average of less than nine points per game, the Silver and Black should just embrace their new image: Just punt, baby. The always in-your-face Raiders never seem to avoid conflict, except with the goal line.

Meanwhile, the Browns, fresh off an epic field-goal output in a home whipping by Green Bay, have dodged the end zone in four of seven games this season, and considering this club went its final eight games last season without an offensive touchdown, they clearly get more focused as the season progresses. A shutout or two is definitely on the horizon, including the epic clash with Oakland at season’s end.

Ironically, neither the Raiders nor Browns is the lowest-scoring team in the league. The NFL’s dominant offensive jugger-not is the winless St Louis Rams – and that’s even after they posted the highest point total among this triumvirate, a spirited 6-point assault on the scoreboard lightbulbs against the Colts. That lifted the Rams’ season tally to … RIP, Ed McMahon, we don’t really need ya for this one anyway … 60 points! In just seven games.

You’ll recall that the Patriots scored 59 points -- in the snow -- a couple of weeks ago. Enough said there.

A decade ago, when this same franchise was shattering scoring records and dubbed The Greatest Show on Turf en route to winning the Super Bowl, the Rams averaged scored 526 points. At their current pace, the 2009 Rams would need a 62-game season to do that same amount of damage on the scoreboard.

Scary to think that this new Big Three doesn’t include the team from Detroit, but the Lions -- who have won once since the last two New Year’s celebrations, remember -- are favored against the Rams.

But they should be. Here’s the most glaring statistic of them all: The Saints have more points than the Rams, Raiders and Browns combined … in one fewer game, too. Ouch.

Sal’s picks:A 3-0 week? All easy winners, too (Chargers and Packers each covered by more than three touchdowns, and the Dolphins-Saints total was good by more than four TDs). I’ll take it – moving the season mark above .500 for the first time at 11-9-1. This week, I’ll try to keep the roll going with the Cowboys -9½ vs. the Seahawks, the Giants +2 at the Eagles and the Texans-Bills over 41.

****

The media/celebrity picks:

Lance Burton, Monte Carlo master magician (13-8)

Bears -13½ vs. Browns

Packers -3 vs. Vikings

Falcons +10 at Saints

****

Anthony Crivello, star of "Phantom -- Las Vegas Spectacular" (14-7)

Lions -4 vs. Rams

Cardinals -10 vs. Panthers

Saints -10 vs. Falcons

****

Carrot Top, Luxor headliner (16-5)

Lions -4 vs. Rams

Colts -12 vs. 49ers

Chargers -16½ vs. Raiders

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Terry Fator, Mirage headliner (9-12)

Cowboys -9½ vs. Seahawks

Eagles -2 vs. Giants

Vikings +3 at Packers

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Oscar Goodman, mayor of Las Vegas (13-8)

Saints -10 vs. Falcons

Colts -12 vs. 49ers

Cardinals -10 vs. Panthers

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Ryan Greene, Las Vegas Sun sports writer (8-12-1)

Ravens -3½ vs. Broncos

Texans -3½ at Bills

Cowboys -9½ vs. Seahawks

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Alicia Jacobs, KVBC entertainment reporter (12-9)

Broncos +3½ at Ravens

Vikings +3 at Packers

Jaguars +3 at Titans

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Kevin Janison, KVBC meteorologist (10-11)

Giants +2 at Eagles

Cowboys-Seahawks over 45½

Packers -3 vs. Vikings

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Christine Killimayer, Greenspun Interactive sports reporter (11-10)

Broncos +3½ at Ravens

Colts -12 vs. 49ers

Giants +2 at Eagles

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Wayne Newton, "Mr. Las Vegas" (10-10-1)

Colts -12 vs. 49ers

Cowboys-Seahawks over 45 ½

Packers -3 vs. Vikings

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Frank Caliendo’s Fantasy Studs of the Week

Jay Cutler, Chicago, and Steven Jackson, St. Louis

First let me give props to my friend Carrot Top and his great job picking games this year. Question. Are all his choices considered PROP bets?

Is there a guy more hated than Eric Mangini? Well, besides Balloon boy's Daddy. You know who will love facing his defense this Sunday? Jay Cutler.

I can remember August 2008 when the Zune was going to overtake the IPod, John and Kate were America's sweethearts, and the Rams' Steven Jackson was the first pick in my fantasy draft. Well, Steven gets his first TD of 2009 (and maybe more) this week.

Last week’s rating:

TOUCHDOWN. New England’s Tom Brady also had no problems in old England, tossing three TD passes in London. Dallas Clark also found the end zone in Indy’s rout of the Rams.

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