What Nevada’s leaders are thankful for

By Jon Ralston

Sunday, Nov. 29, 2009 | 2 a.m.

So what were Nevada’s prominent pols giving thanks for Thursday?

Here are educated guesses about what they (and a few others) were thinking in their tryptophan-induced hazes:

Gov. Jim Gibbons: For Chief of Staff Robin Reedy acting like the governor so someone here does. For no one taking me seriously so I can do and say whatever I want and no one is surprised anymore. For the two groups that give me hope for political survival — tea-baggers and legislators.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid: For John Ensign — so long as he limps around like a lame elephant, maybe people won’t think I am such a donkey. For the Nevada GOP — or lack thereof. For Snow White and the double-figures in dwarves — I like this field.

Sen. John Ensign: For a spineless Senate Ethics Committee and Justice Department. For Doug Hampton preferring to grab a microphone and not a gun. For Cindy Hampton keeping quiet.

Rep. Dean Heller: For the Democrats not paying attention to me this year. For illegal immigrants and my congressional colleagues — with them as whipping boys, I am golden. For John Ensign and Jim Gibbons — makes me the de facto state’s No. 1 Republican, right?

Rep. Dina Titus: For what the Democratic Party did to Joe Heck last year — hope people remember! For that 40,000-voter registration edge — I am going to need it. For the two Reids at the top of the ticket to pull me across the finish line — wait, never mind.

Rep. Shelley Berkley: For the 2001 reapportionment. For the 2001 reapportionment. For the 2001 reapportionment.

Mayor Oscar Goodman: For nobody thinking what a self-aggrandizing, wasteful idea it is to build a monument to me (Oscar B. Goodman City Hall) in these economic times. For everybody else in the governor’s race seeming boring so I seem viable. For a City Council that always lets me do whatever I want, even with that new cop with the hard-to-pronounce name there now.

County Commission Chairman Rory Reid: For Assembly Speaker Barbara Buckley’s devotion to her son. For all those people who have to give to me because I am a county commissioner — I give you 3 million thanks. For that paperwork going through allowing me to change my last name to “Not Harry’s Son” for the next year.

Ex-Judge Brian Sandoval: For Jim Gibbons and the Reids. For GOP desperation to retain the governorship, so they will give to me even if the conservatives don’t love me. For the state’s burgeoning Hispanic population and the possibility of many Harry Reid-Brian Sandoval ticket-splitters.

Erstwhile North Las Vegas Mayor Mike Montandon: For Jim Gibbons. For the Clark County GOP Central Committee members — they love me, they really love me! For the possibility, or believing in the possibility, that almost anything could happen next year.

State Senate Majority Leader Steven Horsford: For the majority — so much easier to raise money. For redistricting in 2001 — it could save the majority. And for my wonderful, united, always fun caucus members.

State Senate Minority Leader Bill Raggio: For The Gibbons Tax Restraint Initiative, which equals relevancy. For a possible caucus with Ty Cobb, Don Gustavson, Chad Christensen and Patrick McNaught — oh, nevermind. For term limits, especially if I have a caucus of Ty Cobb, Don Gustavson ...

Nevada Democrats: For an embarrassment of embarrassments in the GOP side of the U.S. Senate race. For that 100,000-voter edge — we will need every one. For Harry Reid’s money, not necessarily his candidacy.

Nevada Republicans: For candidates named Reid. For tea parties so we don’t have to have a real political party here. For outside groups flooding the airwaves from now until November to hurt Democrats.

North Las Vegas Manager Greg Rose: For a City Council dumb enough and wasteful enough to have given me a contract that forces the city to pay me $300,000 just to be on my way.

The Clark County Commission: For the Las Vegas City Council, to make us look good.

The Las Vegas City Council: For the Clark County Commission, to make us look good.

Mental health funding advocates: For the ready-made laboratory that is the latest, greatest tax study, which will prove again that the best definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Nevada political reporters/commentators: For living in a state with the country’s most-watched U.S. Senate race, most unintentionally entertaining governor, most sordidly scandalized senator and most chronically inebriated mayor — where the unexpected is expected every campaign season.