If UNLV’s athletic department really wants to save money, here are some ways

By Ron Kantowski

Saturday, May 23, 2009 | 2 a.m.

I see where to makes ends meet during a sluggish economy, the UNLV athletic department is going to have to do away with free coffee (and a few other non-essentials).

I think the Rebels will manage.

I also see where UNLV is going to eliminate the pregame media meal.

On second thought, somebody call The Guard and man the lifeboats. This is an emergency of Biblical proportions.

Some people don’t know what to make of the announcement that UNLV is cutting 10 percent across the board for sports. Other people, like the ones who work for big car companies, probably don’t give a darn. My take is that if all the other schools in the Mountain West — and across the nation, for that matter — are reducing their budgets, it’s still going to be a level playing field, isn’t it?

But just in case UNLV wants to put a little petty cash in the coffee can in Athletic Director Mike Hamrick’s office, here are a few other ways it might save a buck:

• Stop playing Sacramento State in football and South Carolina Upstate in basketball. People do not want to buy tickets to watch these games. Try scheduling South Carolina Downstate (the one in Columbia) instead.

• Make the baseball team use wooden bats. A good aluminum bat costs about $399. A good Louisville Slugger costs about a quarter of that. Plus, with wooden bats, the final score would be 3-1 instead of 19-16, and the games would be over in 2 hours and 20 minutes instead of 4 hours and 20 minutes. Then you could save even more money by turning off the lights.

• Do not waste scholarship money on 6-foot-11 basketball players who can’t play.

• Instead of buying new uniforms every year, trade for Ole Miss’ old ones. You wouldn’t even have to change the name on the front of the jerseys.

• If the football team insists on scheduling Sacramento State, then both teams should have to line up on motorcycles. Why is it that motorcycle races can fill Sam Boyd Stadium, and the Rebel football team can’t?

• Coaches who go 2-9 or 7-20 must give money back to the university, instead of stealing it — I mean, renegotiating their contracts.

• Ask Rollie Massimino for an interest-free loan on that secret contract money.

• Bring back the old end zone scoreboards at the Thomas & Mack Center. Take down the new ones that don’t have the players’ names and the numbers that don’t line up and see if you can get a refund.

• Three words: Steve Wynn Stadium.