We dads have big jobs, and we love it

By Brian Greenspun (contact)

Sunday, June 21, 2009 | 2 a.m.

I think we need more than one day to call our own.

Is it just me or does it seem like it is getting more difficult to be a good father these days? I don’t mean the workload at home — you know, when dad gets to actually feed the babies, change the diapers, take the kids to school and feed them when mom is tired or busy — because that is the really fun part about being a dad.

No, I am talking about the rest of the stuff it seems we have to do to make good on the promises we make to our children when they are born. You know, to take care of them, protect them, feed them and never let anything bad happen to them. That’s the part that is getting harder to do.

Maybe every father in every generation starts to feel this way as he gets up there in age and finds he has less control over those issues than he had when his family was young. Or maybe it really is getting more challenging as the world comes together while some are trying to tear it apart, as financial concerns start to overwhelm just about the time we thought we had that figured out, and as decisions our kids make for their futures turn out to be less satisfying than the same ones we made for ourselves at their age.

Being a dad really is hard work. I know, I know, it isn’t even close to the work mom has to put in 24/7 but, then again, we don’t come equipped with all the talent and brains that women have had since birth. So, given that substantial handicap, our work on Earth is, on a relative scale, more difficult.

So much so that I think there ought to be two Father’s Days.

You see, one isn’t enough to do all the things I have thought about doing during the preceding 365 days. I can’t go to a movie I choose, eat the kind of food I choose, play as much golf as I choose and sleep as long and as often as I choose — all in one day. We just can’t do all we want and all we need to do in just one day.

Don’t get me wrong. I think most fathers out there wouldn’t change a thing in their lives if you gave them the chance. Except, perhaps just a couple of little things. Most of us actually like the way life has turned out even though it may not be even close to what we thought it would be like when we started.

Work may not be as satisfying, our home lives may disappoint from time to time, our family relationships may be strained more than we had hoped and our dreams may be on hold much longer than we expected but, all in all, most of us wouldn’t want to change a thing.

You see, being a dad is about so much more than all that.

The very idea of raising children you can love and care for — not just for the first 18 years but for as long as they will let you be part of their lives — is as great a joy as any person can reasonably hope to have on Earth. That doesn’t mean you have to have children to be fulfilled but, if you do, it is one of life’s special gifts. It is the very essence of being a dad.

And, if you are really fortunate, one day those kids grow up, get married and become moms and dads themselves. And therein lies one of the greatest pleasures on the planet. Being a grandfather is beyond reasonable description.

And no matter how often we try to explain that to others, it loses something in the translation. That’s probably because most people tire easily when it is someone else’s grandchild being talked about. And who can blame them, because we all know that our own grandchildren are the sweetest, smartest and most talented little people around, so who has time to hear about those others!

Of course, responsibility comes with the job. We really do have to figure out how to build a future for those little ones, a future that is better than the ones our parents and grandparents tried to build for us. And, with each passing generation, the time to do that gets compressed.

That means we have to fix global warming now so there are places to live in comfort and not chaos. We have to build an economy that, even when it collapses, as ours has now, it will not devastate families that work hard, play by the rules and dream of better lives for their children. We have to understand what is important in our own lives — our liberty, health, privacy and the pursuit of our own happiness — and learn to respect that same pursuit in others. And we have to be willing to fight to protect those goals and not leave it to the other guy to do it for us.

That, my friends, takes a lot of work and a great deal of resolve. And I am certain no one will remotely suggest that we have been successful to date. So that means the fathers — the folks with the very most at stake in all this — have a lot more to do and probably a lot more to do differently than we have been content with in the past.

And that brings me back to my first contention. We need a second Father’s Day.

One day is not enough for all of us dads to do that which is expected of us and to do that which we expect of ourselves. We need more time.

But don’t hold your breath waiting for anyone to give us an extra 24 hours to do our jobs. None of us has that luxury. So let’s just enjoy all that we have been given on this one very special day. And resolve to be better fathers when we awake tomorrow.

Happy Father’s Day.

Brian Greenspun is editor of the Las Vegas Sun.