Jon Ralston gives White House hopefuls five helpful rules for campaigning here

By Jon Ralston (contact)

Wednesday, Jan. 9, 2008 | 2 a.m.

What follows here is New Hampshire-result neutral.

That is, no matter what happened Tuesday (yes, infernal deadlines preclude me from knowing results as I type), this primer for those presidential candidates about to bivouac here is essential.

Let’s hope that those within the Clinton campaign who considered abandoning the state have lost that argument, and let’s pray that some of the Republicans actually can find the state on the map.

We just want the attention, and I am, as always, simply trying to be helpful. Herewith, The Five Nevada Rules:

Rule No. 1: It’s Ne-va-duh, not Ne-vah-duh. I know this seems elemental by now — few of you get it wrong at this point but one slip-up, especially outside Clark County, could be fatal. If you inadvertently deliver the wrong pronunciation of the state, here’s a quick save: “Sorry. I just had a meeting with Steve Wynn, and he says it that way.”

Rule No. 2: After spending so much time in Iowa and New Hampshire, you may think you have alighted in a foreign country. Yes, there are many nonwhites here, candidates. Politicians here actually have to pander to Hispanics, blacks, even Asians. Get your minority political playbooks ready.

Rule No. 3: There are three different states here.

The most important is called Southern Nevada. That’s where Las Vegas is, and thus where the votes are. And inside the state of Southern Nevada, there are two very important cities with the same name — Sun City. Why go to them? It’s the Willie Sutton Law of Politics: They are where the votes are.

The second-most important state in Nevada is called Rural Nevada. Hint: Don’t call it the Cow Counties. They don’t like that out there, and they can be ornery.

If you are a Democrat, make a few token visits but don’t spend a lot of time there most of the Democrats out there are not exactly Kennedy or Obama or Clinton Democrats. If you are a Republican, spend more time there they love Republicans. Extra hint: Trash Harry Reid wherever you go they really aren’t wild about Harry.

The least important state in Nevada is called Reno. It’s the smallest little city in the big world or something like that. It is also known as Yesterday’s Town. Don’t misunderstand I love Reno, mostly because you have to fly there to get to cool places such as Lake Tahoe and, four months out of 24, Carson City. But Reno doesn’t have much effect on elections anymore, unlike big-turnout Rural Nevada and big-population Southern Nevada. But if you like to bowl, Godspeed.

Rule No. 4: The political epicenter of the Las Vegas Strip is now the Venetian. Candidates of both parties need to know this.

Republicans need to know because Gondolier Numero Uno Sheldon Adelson is the third-richest man in the country and a player in national politics. (Freedom’s Watch is just one example.) So they can check out GNU’s new place, the Palazzo, and praise it as suggested pander here “The most gorgeous casino on the Strip and as beautiful as any structure in Italy!”

Democrats need to know because if they set foot in the nonunion hotel, they will be excoriated and flayed by the labor groups they are sucking up to here. So if asked about the steak at Delmonico or the Las Vegas version of “Phantom of the Opera,” my advice to Democrats is to say, “What’s Delmonico?” Or, “They have a version of ‘Phantom’ here? Who knew?”

Rule No. 5: Getting free media coverage might be important, so I have some ever-helpful, always unbiased suggestions. The Las Vegas Sun’s political coverage is the most comprehensive in the state the paper’s blog has more in-depth coverage than any other in Nevada. And if it’s TV you want, the only choices are KLAS, Las Vegas ONE and, of course, “Face to Face,” where only chickens refuse to appear.

These are the big five. Other advice might prove useful: Republicans shouldn’t be seen with Gov. Jim Gibbons, or Democrats should be seen with Mayor Oscar Goodman.

But break any of the major five at your own peril, candidates. And if you stick to all of them, Nevada could be yours.

Jon Ralston hosts the news discussion program “Face to Face With Jon Ralston” on Las Vegas ONE and publishes the daily e-mail newsletter “RalstonFlash.com.” His column for the Las Vegas Sun appears Sunday, Wednesday and Friday.