College football’s anticlimax

By Ron Kantowski (contact)

Monday, Jan. 7, 2008 | 2 a.m.

In terms of riveting drama, this year’s Bowl Championship Series would have to rate right alongside of ... well, I’m gonna go with Season 2 of “F Troop.” Weren’t the BCS computers supposed to spit out one classic matchup after another? Instead, they gave us Larry Storch as Cpl. Randolph Agarn.

Southern Cal 49, Illinois 17 in the Rose Bowl. Dreadful.

Georgia 41, Hawaii 10 in the Sugar Bowl. Awful.

West Virginia 48, Oklahoma 28 in the Fiesta Bowl. Shameful.

Only Kansas’ teeny-weeny, let’s-show-’em-we-belong upset of Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl had the outward appearance of being interesting.

It wasn’t.

Tonight, LSU and Ohio State will have an opportunity to make amends to those who took last week off to overdose on college football. It will be No. 1 Ohio State against No. 2 LSU for most of the marbles because, with Southern Cal and Georgia and West Virginia on the outside looking in, it can’t possibly be for all the marbles. No matter what the NCAA presidents or Jeanne Zelasko says.

Here’s a quiz that proves it.

1. This year’s Bowl Championship Series has succeeded in:

A: Creating a financial windfall for participating teams.

B: Creating entertaining prime-time matchups.

C: Creating new hockey fans.

2. The best performance of this year’s bowl season was:

A: Chris Johnson’s 408 all-purpose yards in East Carolina’s 41-38 victory against Boise State in the Hawaii Bowl.

B: Ray Rice’s 280 rushing yards and four touchdowns in Rutgers’ 52-30 victory against Ball State in the International Bowl.

C: That linebacker from Michigan State who played Chopin on the piano at the Champs Sports Bowl.

3. The worst performance of this year’s bowl season was:

A: Hawaii’s offensive line in the Sugar Bowl.

B: Central Michigan’s secondary in the Motor City Bowl.

C: Fran Tarkenton’s barber.

4. A yellow flag near the players’ bench is an indication that:

A: Somebody has made a late hit on the sidelines.

B: Somebody has clipped on a kickoff return.

C: Mack Brown’s stepson has wandered onto the field at the Holiday Bowl.

5. Utah’s 35-32 victory against Navy in the Poinsettia Bowl:

A: Was one of the most exciting games of the bowl season.

B: Set the stage for the Mountain West’s successful postseason run.

C: Seems like a long time ago.

6. The most-asked question during the New Orleans Bowl was:

A: Why are they passing on 3rd and short?

B: Why are they running on 3rd and long?

C: Florida Atlantic has a football team?

7. The most disturbing scene of the bowl season was:

A: Air Force quarterback Shaun Carney tearing knee ligaments at the Armed Forces Bowl.

B: Oregon and Southern Miss combining for 202 penalty yards at the Sun Bowl.

C: Dick Butkus stuffing his face at the Rose Bowl.

8. A flurry of police activity before a bowl game suggests:

A: Somebody is scalping tickets.

B: Rival fans have become unruly.

C: Florida State is taking final exams.

9. Which of the following is owed an apology:

A: Rose Bowl fans who tuned in expecting a competitive game.

B: Sugar Bowl fans who turned in expecting a competitive game.

C: Missouri.

10. During the Rose Bowl, you almost needed a calculator to keep track of:

A: Illinois turnovers.

B: USC penalties.

C: Will Farrell’s sideline passes.

11. After watching the New Year’s Day bowl games, it would be easy to feel sorry for:

A: Anybody who faces a healthy USC.

B: Anybody who falls behind a determined Texas Tech.

C: Anybody who cuts hair in Hawaii.

12. This year’s Bowl Championship Series has most college football fans:

A: Waving pompoms.

B: Painting their faces.

C: Praying the Astro-Bluebonnet Bowl makes a comeback.