Chris Morris

By Brendan Buhler

Sat, Feb 2, 2008 (2 a.m.)

Today, the second day of February, is Groundhog Day, at least if you believe about 150 years of tradition and a pack of rustics buried under snow and drunk on lies. In Southern Nevada, it’s Tortoise Day, at least if you believe nine years of tradition and a handful of government employees drunk on getting children interested in desert ecology. The holiday is celebrated a little differently here. For one thing, the prognosticating groundhog of Punxsutawney, Pa., spends most of the winter in a heated library. Our tortoise hibernates outside, and knows what the weather is like. For another thing, the infamous groundhog is waved around every Feb. 2 as if that means anything for spring. We wait, however, for our noble tortoise to emerge from his burrow in his own good time, even if it’s in April. (And if, Almighty Testudine forbid, he’s died in there, we’ll be waiting a long time.)

Punxsutawney Phil

Species: Marmota monax, aka groundhog, aka woodchuck, aka whistlepig

Hails from: Punxsutawney, Pa.

Prognosticates from: Gobbler’s Knob

Claim to fame: Existential marmot of despair, tormentor of Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day”

Looks like: A bucktoothed fur pillow

Weighs: From 6 1/2 to 13 pounds is average for a groundhog, but Phil usually looks like he’s holding down the right side of the bell curve.

Age: 121 years, at least claim the liars of Punxsutawney. Really, groundhogs live about eight years, so this is probably Phil XV.

Generally stops hibernating: Second week of February.

Why: Changes in the amount of sunlight. Maybe.

Accuracy in predicting spring: Don’t be stupid

Mojave Max

Species: Gopherus agassizii, aka desert tortoise

Hails from: Clark County, Nev.

Prognosticates from: Red Rock National Conservation Area visitors center

Claim to fame: K-12 students who guess his wake-up date (or close enough) win medals, T-shirts, a pizza party and a field trip for their classes.

Looks like: A certain casino mogul

Weighs: 8 to 15 pounds is the species average

Age: Somewhere around 55 or 65 years old.

Generally stops hibernating: End of March, maybe early April, but maybe late February.

Why: Temperature? Eh ... More sunlight? Nah ... Blooming flowers? Who knows? Probably something inside a tortoise just says, “Amble on out.”

Accuracy in predicting spring: Don’t be stupid. Anyway, what’s winter?