By Abigail Goldman (contact)

Fri, Aug 22, 2008 (2 a.m.)

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The world is cruel to a bicycle cop. On the Las Vegas Strip, it’s drunks swerving their SUVs and heat exhaustion and road rash. And now, as if it couldn’t get any harsher out there, we learn it’s compromised genital health, too. It’s sitting for hours on bike seats that have the potential to hinder sexual function.

Yes, this is serious. Yes, the Journal of Sexual Medicine just released a study about the perils that bicycle seats pose for bike cops’ packages. Yes, this matters in Las Vegas, where hundreds of people, whether they’re police or casino security guards, make their living sitting on a bike seat.

No, Metro Police don’t want to talk about it. The department didn’t want to address the Sun’s inquiries about its bike officers’ style of seat, or any reported issues arising from said seat. Perhaps privately they will read on.

The study, released this month, found that noseless bike seats — seats without the long, protruding bill between the legs — reduced genital numbness, increased sensitivity and improved erectility (which can be measured with a machine called the Rigiscan Plus). The scientists concluded as much after studying police in bike patrols from five undisclosed metropolitan regions in the United States who rode noseless seats for six months.

By slipping small pressure-sensing mats between the rider and the bike seat, scientists determined there was a 66 percent reduction in pressure on the perineal region with the noseless seats. They look weird, sort of like a pair of giant kidney beans, but are far better for you, according to Irwin Goldstein, a doctor bordering on celebrity in the field of sexual medicine.

Goldstein, editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, is famous for saying: “There are two kinds of cyclists: those who are impotent and those who will be.”

He still believes this.

“Nobody on earth who sits at a desk all day would rather sit on a 1-inch bar for hours and hours, but for whatever reason, bicyclists find it appropriate to straddle a long, narrow object for hours while they bounce up and down,” he said.

Goldstein calls traditional bike seats, even ones with cutouts to alleviate some pressure on the body, “evil, illogical items.”

The 90 police officers scientists surveyed for their study spent an average of 24 hours a week on their bikes. At the onset, they expressed concerns about the new seats. They worried their control would be reduced, that too much pressure would be placed on their wrists and that they would slide off the seat and suffer groin injuries from the bike frame. At the conclusion of the study, however, nobody complained about any of these issues.

And yet, even though there are at least 12 brands of noseless bike seats on the market, many bicycle riders are hesitant to switch, Goldstein said. There is even, clearly, a hesitancy to talk about the issue.

“The vast majority of men would almost rather remain impotent than claim impotence,” he said.