Sam Morris

A sparse crowd attends the Las Vegas Wranglers’ playoff game Saturday against the Stockton Thunder at the Orleans Arena.

By Ron Kantowski

Mon, Apr 14, 2008 (2 a.m.)

Hockey playoff games are supposed to be tight-checking, low-scoring affairs with few penalties and lots and lots of fans in the stands. Preferably, they should be decided in overtime and somebody should throw something onto the ice, like an octopus. Or, if the referees are really awful, a doughnut.

Well, at least the Wranglers’ Kelly Cup playoff game against Stockton on Saturday night had overtime.

I remember this one Stanley Cup playoff game from a previous lifetime when the Islanders and Capitals were tied 2-2 heading to sudden death. But instead of watching the rest of the game I decided to go out drinking because I was living in New Mexico, and not some place like Saskatoon, where you can watch hockey and drink at the same time.

Lo and behold, when I got home they were still playing and then Pat LaFontaine scored for the Islanders in what must have been the 23rd overtime period and then everybody finally went to bed, except maybe in Saskatoon, where they probably just ordered another round of beers and waited for the next game to start, even if it was Easter Sunday by then.

Saturday’s Wranglers game wasn’t quite as dramatic. Ryan Donally scored the game winner just 28 seconds into overtime and I was going to say if you sneezed or went to get another beer you probably missed it.

Only if you went to get another beer, you wouldn’t have missed it, because there were so few fans in the stands that you could have fetched another cold one, had a doughnut with Jim Schoenfeld and Don Koharski, filed for your tax extension and still not missed Donally’s goal.

There were 3,653 fans in the stands if you believe the announcement, which was more generous than Stevie Wonder’s strike zone. On Friday night, they announced 3,442.

Those “crowds” were significantly lower than the Wranglers’ regular-season attendance of 4,900.

Wait a minute. I thought this was the playoffs. I thought this is what guys with gap-toothed grins don’t shave for, and fans, also with gap-toothed grins (better to pour beer through) line up to see.

When the prize is Lord Stanley’s Cup, perhaps. Not when it’s Pat Kelly’s Cup.

Frederick Arthur Stanley, the 16th Earl of Derby, was a Conservative Party politician in the United Kingdom who served as Colonial Secretary from 1885 to 1886 and Governor General of Canada from 1888 to 1893.

Patrick J. Kelly founded the ECHL. He also guided the Colorado Rockies to their only appearance in Lord Stanley’s playoffs, in 1978.

It’s hard to say which was the bigger accomplishment, because governing Canada in those days might have been easier than making the playoffs with a franchise that began as the Kansas City Scouts.

But there is a difference. The Stanley Cup playoffs are still a big deal, at least if you live in Saskatoon. The Kelly Cup playoffs are not a big deal, especially if you live in Las Vegas or one of about 168 cities that hosts an ECHL team.

One fact about the ECHL that is interesting and/or amusing is that it stands for nothing. It used to stand for East Coast Hockey League but all those superfluous letters were dropped when they started putting teams in places such as Las Vegas and our sister cities of Bakersfield and Stockton. WCHL would have made more sense, but there already was one of those, and it folded, probably because it sounded like a radio station.

But when it comes to the playoffs, the ECHL’s are no different than any other minor league’s. To all but the guys playing them, they are a nuisance. You have to rent out a building that may be spoken for and promote a series of extra games to fans whose time and money also may be spoken for. And you have to do it on short notice. Sometimes, you get a schedule that looks like an old Continental Trailways itinerary: Bakersfield, Fresno, Boise. Maybe Alaska next week.

Take the Wranglers’ series against Stockton. There were games Friday and Saturday night in Las Vegas, and another Sunday night in Stockton. Now the teams have the entire week off. Game 4 is Friday night in Stockton and Game 5 is Sunday afternoon in Stockton. The Asparagus Festival doesn’t start until the 25th.

Maybe P.T. Barnum could have promoted that kind of schedule. Billy Johnson, the Wranglers’ president, said he’d rather stick his head in a lion’s mouth.

With less than a week to plan, group sales are out of the question, and group sales — with an assist from bobblehead dolls, Dick Cheney hunting vests and Mini-Kiss concerts after the game — are what drive minor league sports. That’s why playoff attendance on opening weekend was down in all but three of the 16 ECHL cities that hosted games. The team in Columbia, S.C., drew 984 and the one in Beaumont, Texas, averaged 727 for two games, so give Wranglers fans a little credit.

Especially a group of two dozen or so behind the net in the heel of the Orleans’ horseshoe.

Every time Las Vegas scored a goal they would jump and down and wave handkerchiefs in the air. It may have been the worst attempt at a “whiteout” that I have ever seen. But you could tell it was the hockey that they had come for, and not a bobblehead doll or a Dick Cheney hunting vest or a Mini-Kiss concert after the game.

They were the kind of fans who would have been welcome in Saskatoon.