Ron Kantowski on foul behavior on and off the field

Tuesday, Nov. 27, 2007 | 7:13 a.m.

Roughing the passer.

Roughing the kicker.

Roughing the snapper.

Grabbing the face mask.

Spearing.

Unsportsmanlike conduct.

Committing a palpably unfair act, the quintessential example of which was Alabama's Tommy Lewis leaving the bench to tackle Rice's Dicky Maegle in the 1954 Cotton Bowl.

These are all ways to commit a personal foul in an American football game.

I don't remember UNLV roughing the snapper and the only palpably unfair act I can recall is not giving season ticket holders their money back after yet another 2-10 season.

But the team pretty much had all the other ways you can personally foul an opponent covered.

In fact, had Saturday's season finale at New Mexico lasted just a little longer, I'm quite certain that Joe Hawley, the Rebels' center, would have invented yet another way to inflict bodily harm on one of the Lobos and another 15 yards of punishment on his mates on the offensive side of the exercise yard - er, line of scrimmage.

UNLV coach Mike Sanford had suspended Hawley for the first quarter for previous parole violations - er, personal fouls. If you had Superman's X-ray vision, you might have been able to spot the red mark on Hawley's wrist. Then when he went into the game, it looked like he was auditioning for Scorsese.

First, he chop blocked one of the Lobos as if his knees were firewood. Fifteen yards.

Then he hit somebody about 10 minutes after the whistle. Fifteen more yards.

The neutral zone at University Stadium was starting to look like the Nebraska plain after Charlie Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate's road trip.

Sanford had better hope that Hawley, just a sophomore, doesn't spend part of his offseason at a Three Stooges film festival.

I can just hear the referee now.

"Personal foul, No. 59 on the offensive team. Fifteen yards for putting the defensive player's head in a vise and turning the crank real hard."

Sanford assumed the role of Ma Barker afterward, saying he loved Joe Hawley, that he was an intense football player "who was taught to play to the whistle."

And, apparently, spin, fold and mutilate after it.

Then Warden Brubaker - er, Coach Sanford - uttered the usual refrain about eliminating stupid personal fouls.

The crazy thing is that Hawley isn't the Rebels' worst eye-gouger. That distinction goes to Casey Flair. A wide receiver, of all things.

While Hawley has a beard and looks like a tough guy, Flair looks like Dobie Gillis. But he's from Alaska. I hear they wrestle bears up there.

You know how some guys listen to AC/DC or rap music or, in the case of the kickers, Barry Manilow to get ready for a game? Flair must listen to those bass drum sound effects, the sound Curly's gut made when Moe punched him there.

All jokes aside - for a paragraph or two, anyway - the Rebels weren't the most penalized team in America. With a few games to play, they are 18th among the 120 Division I schools, with 86 yellow handkerchiefs. Cincinnati leads with 114. The Mean Machine is second with 112.

Navy and Army are the least penalized teams in college football. Air Force is the sixth least-penalized. It would appear that discipline on the field begins with discipline off the field. Imagine that.

Despite their 2-10 record, I thought the Rebels took a baby step forward this year, despite the many obstacles confronting Sanford and sons, or whatever he calls his assistants. With a lousy stadium, lousy budget and lousy tradition, they mostly wind up with lousy players, and players are the lifeblood of a successful college football program.

But this disturbing trend of spilling the other guys' blood on the field has got to stop before somebody notifies the authorities.