Jon Ralston imagines the laughable and predictable minutes that would be kept at the governor’s Summit to Save the State

Sunday, Nov. 4, 2007 | 1:46 a.m.

I know Southwest Airlines could use the money from those traveling pols and I'm sure the theater in Carson City will be spectacular. But it's a waste of time for Gov. Jim Gibbons to hold that Summit to Save the State on the budget noncrisis on Wednesday because it's obvious what would happen.

Something like this:

Fourteen elected officials sit around a large conference room in the Old Assembly Chambers in the early afternoon - Gibbons sits at the head of the table. TV cameras surround the elected officials. Reporters slouch near a wall.

Gibbons: "Thank you all for coming. I have decided to confer with you now after ignoring you before. I didn't mean to scare everyone with those 5 percent cuts. That was somewhat - what is the word I am looking for? - stupid. But we must live within our means because we are at a critical juncture and we have to make government run like a business. Luckily, I know the budget from the ground up. (An aide whispers in his ear.) Oh yes - and no new taxes."

Chancellor Jim Rogers: "Seriously, Jim, are you an idiot? Whoops. Forgot the media are here."

Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman: "Anybody know what time the bar at Adele's opens?"

Gibbons: "Sorry, Mayor, I don't drink. I'm LDS - Listening to Dawn Suddenly."

Senate Minority Leader Dina Titus: "Governor, why are we still at the bottom of all the good lists and the top of all the bad lists? I knew this would happen if they elected you."

Senate Majority Leader Bill Raggio: "That's uncalled for, Senator. The governor deserves our respect, even when he has no idea what he is doing."

Gibbons: "Thank you, Senator."

Assembly Minority Leader Heidi Gansert : "I think the governor is right. I support him."

Clark County Commission Chairman Rory Reid: "I think we all support the governor - up to a point. That point would be when he cuts things like child welfare. Raise your hand if you think that's a good idea."

Gibbons' hand starts to go up, but when he sees no one else's is, he slowly lowers it.

Gibbons: "Well, nothing is set in stone and yet a rolling stone gathers no moss. This is puzzling."

Rogers: "Jim, you are dumber than a bag of regents. (Turns to reporters) And you can quote me on that."

Elko County Commission Chairman John Ellison: "We love you in Elko, Governor!"

Assembly Speaker Barbara Buckley: "Well, Governor, my constituents are not feeling the love so much. We have needs in Southern Nevada, and we can't afford any of these cuts. And when I run against you in 2010, I am going to use this as an issue. Did I say that with my outside voice or my inner voice?"

Reno Mayor Bob Cashell: "Here we go! I'm with Oscar - when does the bar at Adele's open? And why did I ever switch parties? I might run for governor anyhow."

Gibbons: "This is not about politics. This is about doing the right thing. Or the right-wing thing. Hey, I like the sound of that. (Turns to aide.) Write that one down for the next speech."

Henderson Mayor Jim Gibson: "Governor, down in Henderson, where we run a progressive, centrist government, we don't have these kinds of problems. That's because we are deliberate and thoughtful and plan for the future. Perhaps you should have thought of that."

Titus: "Yeah, Governor, listen to Mayor Gibson. It pays to play in Henderson."

Gibson smiles, looks like he might retort, then thinks better of it.

North Las Vegas Mayor Mike Montandon: "As a fellow Republican, I must say I applaud the governor's fiscal prudence. We embrace that in North Las Vegas, where we just gave our manager a contract that pays him years of salary if we fire him."

Gibbons: "Thank you, Mayor Mike. Everyone is going to have to feel some of the pain. And I am afraid the pain will be painful. There's no way around that."

Titus: "So where will the cuts come from, Governor? How about that 'fusion center ' money? "

Buckley: "Yeah, or maybe you can return that copy of 'How to Make Good Appointments After You Are Elected.' You clearly didn't read it."

Raggio: "Ladies, that kind of sniping is just unnecessary and demeans the office of the governor."

Rogers: "Oh come on, Bill. The office is fine. He's the one demeaning it."

Gibbons: "This has been very productive, and I am glad we have come together as ONE Nevada. I just have one more question: What time does the bar at Adele's open?"