CONVENTION CRASHER

Thursday, May 24, 2007 | 6:52 a.m.

The real estate developers, 40,000 or so, at the International Council of Shopping Centers at the Las Vegas Convention Center on Tuesday, oozed schmooze.

They schmoozed in their booths, drinking complimentary drinks and eating complimentary eats under watercolor sketches of strip malls. They schmoozed around fake campfires in fake Bass Pro shops as stuffed bears gazed down at them. They schmoozed in the aisles, often coming to a full stop and forcing nonschmoozers to take emergency detours. They would schmooze in huddles, waiting to see who would win the Porsche being given away at one booth. They would discuss their plans for schmoozing later in the evening (strip clubs: still in).

Sometimes, with the aid of tiny wireless headsets, they would appear to schmooze with no one at all.

The schmooze helps them cut deals for shopping centers around the world. Somewhere in the hall, Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman was schmoozing, trying to find a buyer for Neonopolis.

But let's not let all this schmoozing distract us from the important issues of our time, issues like, where can you get a glowing white leopard for your mall's Christmas display?

(Because, why get involved in the argument over whether to say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy holidays" when you can say "Beware of the leopard"?)

The James Trogolo Co. can help.

Oh sure, the company makes more traditional holiday decorations - giant ornaments, trees made of lights and plastic, wreaths - and other animals - reindeer, polar bears - but sometimes you need to make a statement that only several hundred lights wrapped around a powder-coated steel frame embedded in a clear acrylic leopard can make.

"Actually," Trogolo President James Trogolo Espy says, "we brought it because we just finished it and had it around."

Ah yes, well. Anyhow, the leopards are custom built and come in any size you like. The midsize model Espy was showing off would cost $2,000 to $2,500. Get yours today!

Suit of horror

You know when your dog isn't feeling well and eats a lawn's worth of grass and yaks all over the floor? The suit was that color. In plaid. Pink-strip ed plaid.

If you were trying to put together a used-car salesman costume, you would reject this suit as over the top. Even used-car salesmen have standards. It was a suit that didn't so much catch the eye as impale it in a jungle pit lined with bamboo spikes.

Two wandering conventioneers see the top half of the suit of horror disappearing down stairs maybe 20 yards away from them.

"Is that a sport coat or a suit?" Conventioneer 1 says.

"That's a suit," 2 says.

"Ugh."

"Yeah."

" 'Cause I like it as a sport coat," 1 offers.

"Really?" an astonished 2 says. "That's why you should get it as a suit."

"No, a sport coat."

"If you'll wear that as a coat," 2 judges, "you should have to wear a full suit of it."

"Hey now ..."

"A full suit, suit boy."