CONVENTION CRASHING: National Association of Pizzeria Operators

Sunday, March 25, 2007 | 7:15 a.m.

Ah, a pizzeria convention. Aisle after aisle of greasy, cheesy, meat-laden samples, many of which will have to be consumed in the name of journalism, balanced pepperoni comparison and mrumpf mrumpf ...

Hey, where's the water?

There's got to be a soda fountain around here somewhere, right? If memory serves, it should just be the Ghost n' Goblins machine ... and no, that's not here either. What kind of pizzeria is this? OK, OK, it's the National Association of Pizzeria Operators convention, but gosh, this pepperoni is salty ...

But over there at the La Nova chicken wing booth, the one with thumping dance music and go-go wing-sauce servers and pictures of Joey "The Wing King" Todaro, there appear to be beverages. Problem is, it looks like beer. Dehydrate and die or drink beer on the job? No, it's Bud Light, not beer at all. Crisis averted.

It was a close-run thing there on Wednesday at the Las Vegas Convention Center. (Later, we found two out-of-the-way booths giving out Dixie cups of soda and a vendor selling bottled drinks, with water going for $2.75. He'd sold 13 cases in fewer than five hours.)

There among the ovens that could cook a pizza in 2 1/2 minutes, the promotional chocolate-topped pizzas, the meat sales people describing the intricacies of "the protein business," the mozzarella merchants who tell you a pizzeria buys 300 to 700 pounds of cheese each week (with prices based on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange's cheddar block market), it was easy to believe thirst leads to hallucinations. Especially when you find yourself in front of giant pizza with arms and legs and eyes and it starts waving at you.

It's OK. It's only Andrea Bowen's mother-in-law.

Ma Bowen is inside an inflatable costume, one of several pizza-theme ones Signs & Shapes International believes make for excellent advertising promotions. (It also does sports mascots, including one for UNLV called "Rebel Boy" even though it has a long gray mustache.)

There's nothing like an inflatable pizza to make friends with your customers, Andrea Bowen says.

"Sometimes, little kids get scared," Bowen says, "but generally, if they're over 3, they're fine."

Primeval pizza

An excited pair of Italian chefs spot our photographer and, with vigorous gestures at our cameras and notebooks, lead us to the back of the room, where there are more Italians.

They all start speaking Italian at once, pointing at us, making scribbling and photography motions. They speak more Italian, to each other, to us. Hands go back in the air. They point at each other. Then they're all pointing at one guy.

Peppe Miele speaks English. He explains that this is a booth for authentic Italian flour, which produces a lighter, thinner and slightly sour pizza dough. It's essential for authentic Neapolitan pizza.

And Miele is very specific on this, being the American inspector for Verace Pizza Napoletana, which will certify your pizza as authentic and untainted by pineapples or jalapenos. (The only certified pizzeria in the valley is Settebello in Henderson.) All other pizzas are junk, unnecessary. Naples got pizza right when the city invented it.

"The Neapolitan pizza is the mother pizza," Miele says. "Without the Neapolitan, there would be no other pizza, none of this $20 billion every year."

Product: We're not going to make a 'dough' joke

A Robot Coup-brand vertical cutter-mixer capable of turning 25 pounds of flour into pizza dough in 45 seconds. It looks sort of like a stainless steel cement mixer. Should pay for itself by reducing labor costs.

"They're not that expensive," salesman Dick Hays says. "They're in the, oh, 12-to-14 thousand range."

Spotted:

"Step inside The Mushroom to taste Nature's Hidden Treasure"

- Sign on an inflatable mushroom-shaped hut

Overheard:

"Oh God, they sell water here. You guys sell water here, right?"

"No ..."

"Oh, no ..."

"But I can give you a sample."

"Really? Thank you, thank you."

- Exchange between a male conventioneer and a guy behind the Pepsi booth