Ron Kantowski gets Chicago Superfans’ take on UNLV’s chance in the Big Dance

Friday, March 16, 2007 | 6:57 a.m.

If it weren't so friggin' cold, you could walk from media headquarters at the Hyatt Regency to Mike Ditka's in the city of the big shoulders and home to a certain team, which, although it has carved out a special place in the pantheon of professional football, did not clasp its burly hands around a certain Super Bowl trophy, because No. 18 from da Colts wouldn't let go of it.

I speak of Bob Swerski's Superfans, who, curiously, look identical to George Wendt, Mike Myers and Chris Farley, who portrayed them on "Saturday Night Live." Except their mustaches and cholesterol levels are real.

On the eve of the NCAA Tournament first-round games at the United Center, I interrupted their breakfast of baby back ribs, pork chops, Polish sausage and Soldier Field-sized mugs of Old Style beer to get their take on a certain event known as March Madness:

Me: So who do you guys like in your bracket?

Bob Swerski: Da Bears.

Me: Baylor's not in the tournament.

Pat Arnold: Da other Bears.

Me: You mean Missouri State? They're in the NIT. Or were.

Todd O'Conner: (Burp!) No, da Bear. You know, that coach from Texas they made a movie about.

Me: Oh, Don Haskins. He retired.

Bob Swerski: Well, if da Bears, da other Bears and da Bear aren't playin', we ain't interested. Nobody around here follows college hoops much. We got da Bears, da Bulls, da Cubs and da Blackhawks.

Pat Arnold: You're forgettin' about da White Sox.

Todd O'Conner: So did the Astros.

Bob Swerski: We used to have da Ramblers of Loyola. They won the 1963 national championship. Only school from Chicago to do it. Only school from Illinois to do it.

Pat Arnold: What about DePaul?

All: Da-paul!

Todd O'Conner: Nope. Lost to da Bird and Indiana State in the '79 Final Four.

Bob Swerski: (Raising his beer mug) Here's to coach Ray Meyer and my brother, Bill, on the recent occasion of his seventh heart attack. May they rest in peace.

Pat Arnold: That's why we ain't goin' to the tournament. Mark Aguirre and Terry Cummings aren't playin'.

Todd O'Connor: Unless, of course, a certain coach and restaurant owner will be sittin' on the bench.

Me: You mean Ditka? He's not a basketball coach. Although I hear there are some Kentucky fans who wish he was.

Todd O'Conner: (Belch!) Wanna pork chop?

Me: No, thanks. I was just wondering what you thought about a certain college basketball team from a certain city known for its bright lights.

Pat Arnold: Da UNLV Rebels?

Bob Swerski: Well, I was gonna say da Rebels 156, Georgia Tech 22. But there's a problem.

Pat Arnold: You guys got Grossman.

Me: Yeah, but his name is Andy, not Rex. And he doesn't play. He's the sports information director.

Bob Swerski: OK, lemme see if I got this right. Da Bears aren't playin'. Da other Bears are playin' in the other tournament. Da Bear is retired. Grossman's sittin' on the bench. And Ditka's not drivin' the Georgia Tech bus.

Me: That's right.

All: Da Rebels!

Bob Swerski: Da Rebels 61, Georgia Tech 58. Now pass the Polish sausage.