Thursday, March 1, 2007 | 7:09 a.m.
Let me get this straight. There are people who believe that a man was born 2,000 years ago without the intervention or genetic contribution of a human father. He grew up to have the ability to temporarily suspend the universal laws of physics and biology by being able to walk on water without sinking, create matter (bread/fish) from nothing, and bring decomposing dead people (Lazarus) back to life.
These people also believe that He was able to heal blindness and spinal cord injuries without any medical intervention. Unfortunately, his repeated claims that he was the Son of the Creator of the Universe ended up getting Him tortured to death. But He came back to life three days later and ascended bodily from the ground through Earth's atmosphere without any visible means of propulsion. More recently, He has been telepathically helping running backs make touchdowns and personally advising our president as to what He should do next.
Now, a group of researchers claim that maybe, just maybe, they have discovered this person's family tomb, which may show that in actuality, He may have been a regular guy who had a mom, dad, was married, and had a son. So what have the believers said in response to this discovery? "That's the most outrageous thing we ever heard, who would ever believe that story!"
Gabriel L. Grasso, Las Vegas
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