THE OPENING LINE

Monday, June 11, 2007 | 7:04 a.m.

One of the neat things about going to a movie with subtitles in the middle of the afternoon is you don't have to silence your cell phone. Chances are you'll be the only one in the theater.

Because only the best foreign films are exported to the United States, another good thing about such an outing is that you probably will enjoy the movie or learn something from it.

Here's what I gleaned from "Offside," the latest film - although it's now a year old - from Iranian director Jafar Panahi, showing in a limited engagement at the Suncoast: First, Iranians are as mad about soccer as the rest of the world beyond, as the great ambassador and humanitarian Borat calls it, "the U.S. and A." That includes Iranian women - even though they aren't allowed to watch the games in person.

That doesn't stop some of the more passionate ones from circumventing the law by paying homage to an ancient Western tradition - sneaking in. In "Offside," six female Iranian soccer supporters, dressed as boys and young men, are discovered and detained by authorities at Tehran's Azadi Stadium. These aren't typical ballpark ushers. These are cops with drab uniforms, mustaches and bad attitudes who scowl a lot.

The women are placed in a makeshift cell on the litter-strewn stadium concourse. But they show more pluck than the defense of the Bahrain national soccer team, which is locked in a taut battle against the women's heroes, with a berth in the 2006 World Cup hanging in the balance.

The women demand to know what's going on in the stadium, and are successful in talking a sympathetic guard into doing play-by-play from a nearby portal where he can see the action on the pitch.

They are not as successful in ascertaining why they are not allowed inside.

Their captors tell them there are men inside and they will be cursing and swearing. And if Iran loses, it will be worse than Lou Piniella being ejected for arguing a call at third base.

The women propose a compromise. "We promise not to listen."

A few minutes later, the stadium erupts. Somebody has scored a goal. And you can tell by the lack of swearing that it wasn't Bahrain.

"WHAT DID IRAN DO?" read the yellow subtitle as one of those chants indigenous to soccer games washes over the stadium. "IRAN HAS RIDDLED YOU WITH GOALS."

Well, not exactly. The final score was 1-0. But it was enough to send Iran to Germany and put the stadium guards in such a good mood that their prisoners were allowed to "escape" to celebrate along with the men, who lit firecrackers and sparklers and still seemed to be swearing a lot, although I would need to brush up on my Farsi to know for sure.

The movie was banned in Iran, yet it had an impact. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - you know, the guy from those "60 Minutes" interviews who sort of looks like Ringo Starr - temporarily lifted the ban on women attending games. It has since been reinstated by the country's religious leaders.

And to think that we get upset in this country when we have to silence our cell phones.

THIS WEEK'S BEST BET

International Fight League, Nevada Lions vs. Tucson Scorpions, 7:30 p.m. Saturday, Las Vegas Hilton

Now that mixed martial arts has become a team sport, there's yet another way to get your butt kicked.

TICKETS: $35-$200

ON THE WEB: www.ticketmaster.com

ALSO WORTH A LOOK

Chris Trickle's Father Day's Doubleheader, 7:15 p.m. Saturday, The Bullring at Las Vegas Motor Speedway

Short track stock car racing is always fun. It's even better when it rekindles memories of a kid who could have been a champion.

TICKETS: $10

ON THE WEB: www.ticketmaster.com