THE OPENING LINE

Monday, May 1, 2006 | 7:26 a.m.

A TALE OF TWO BOXERS

Oscar De La Hoya is a man of many talents. When his interest in getting punched in the face began to wane, he became a boxing promoter. And a singer. And now, an author of children's books.

That's right, he's on his way to becoming the new Dr. Seuss. A copy of "Super Oscar," which recounts De La Hoya's fascination with the neighborhood picnics of his childhood, found its way to my desk as De La Hoya continued preparations for his comeback fight here Saturday night against bombastic Ricardo Mayorga.

Mayorga is a tough customer from Nicaragua who hasn't written - or probably read - a kids' book. Before he fought Andrew "Six Heads" Lewis in 2002, there were reports that Mayorga spent most of training camp drinking and smoking. Mayorga knocked out Lewis, then showed up at the postfight press conference, much to the delight of the boxing media, with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

Less amusing is that he has been arrested twice for assaulting women.

So if somebody ever wrote a kids' book about Mayorga using De La Hoya's as a guide, it might go something like this:

SUPER OSCAR

When Oscar rode the bus to school in the morning, he daydreamed the whole ride away.

The clock struck noon. It was time for the picnic to begin. All of Oscar's friends and neighbors came into the park. Oscar was excited - until he realized there was no music.

By the time the strawberry shortcake was served that afternoon, Oscar was nowhere to be found.

It was the best picnic ever.

CRAZY RICARDO

When Ricardo hijacked the bus to school in the morning, he drove it straight to the poolhall.

The clock struck 3 a.m. It was time for the party to continue. All of Ricardo's friends/people he owed money to came into the bar. Ricardo was excited - until he realized there was no music. Somebody had kidnapped the Mariachi band.

By the time the cops were called that afternoon, Ricardo was nowhere to be found.

It was just another Saturday night in Managua.

THIS WEEK'S BEST BET

Oscar De La Hoya vs. Ricardo Mayorga, 4 p.m. Saturday (first bell), MGM Grand Garden Arena.

The prettiest man in boxing meets the craziest man in boxing. So it should be a pretty crazy main event.

TICKETS: 474-4000

ON THE WEB: www.ticketmaster.com

ALSO WORTH A LOOK

The Impossible Jump, 5:30 p.m. Thursday, The Fountains at Caesars Palace.

Motocross legend-turned-daredevil Mike Metzger will attempt to clear the fountains at Caesars Palace on a motorcycle without breaking virtually every bone in his body.

TICKETS: Free.

ON THE WEB: www.expn.com