Friday, March 17, 2006 | 7:13 a.m.
I attended a four-hour Red Cross class this week. I learned how to perform CPR and what to do in the event of choking, burns, sprains and cuts.
Now I can save Duke, our big poodle. It was, you see, a class in how to provide first-aid for dogs and cats.
It has now dawned on my beloved wife, Jeanne, that I lack any sort of training to help her if she were to seriously hurt herself, choke or have a heart attack. My people first-aid skills are limited to what I've picked up by watching "ER" on TV ("Clear!") and having been a Boy Scout more than 40 years ago.
But by golly, I can save her Duke, and some days that's all that would matter to her.
If you think I am singularly wacky for knowing how to give CPR to a 60-pound poodle while remaining stupid about how to administer life-saving chest compressions on Jeanne, co-workers or neighbors, consider this sobering statistic:
When the American Red Cross in Las Vegas offered free classes in pet first aid and free classes in how to perform CPR on people, the pet classes were more than twice as popular.
The pet classes filled to capacity - 150 people - in just two days. And while Saturday's human CPR classes can accommodate 300 people, only 60 had signed up by mid-week.
So you see, it's not just me.
Seems that dogs (and cats, I guess) really are man's best friend. For the record, thousands of people in Las Vegas know how to perform CPR. But they learned under duress. They are required to know CPR because they work in schools, at construction sites or elsewhere where the law requires that someone in attendance have CPR knowledge.
The Red Cross normally charges $35 for a class in people CPR or a class in pet first aid. Thanks to a grant from the Tony Benedict Charitable Fund, the Red Cross is offering a series of free classes in both categories.
The pet classes filled up quickly. The CPR classes for people who want to save people will be held this Saturday and there are still lots of openings. (Classes will be held at 8 a.m., 10 a.m., noon and 2 p.m. at Spring Valley Hospital. Call the Red Cross today at 791-3311 to save yourself a spot.)
I'm hoping enough people will call today to belie the evidence that people would rather save a dog than a human being.
Of the eight students at the Wednesday night pet first aid class, only two were qualified to perform CPR on a person.
"I think a dog's life is as valuable as a human's," said a young woman named Kim, who moved here recently from Southern California with her 10-year-old Siberian husky, Kates.
Her boyfriend, Keith, already knew where he stood with Kates in the love chain.
"Kates gets steak, I get Taco Bell," he said. "Before we came tonight, Kim turned the TV on to 'Animal Planet' for Kates to watch."
Yvonne, a postal worker who owns four dogs, said she has put off learning CPR for people "because I'm afraid of the responsibility that CPR carries" - meaning that you'd be obligated to come to a dying person's rescue even if you are afraid of the possible consequences.
That response brought nods of agreement from the others: It seems that everyone assumes that someone else knows how to perform CPR, so they don't want to undertake the responsibility of learning for themselves. This mind-set drives Red Cross people bonkers because most often CPR is used at home to save a loved one.
And so there we were, sitting around a conference table, learning how to compress doggie chests and kitty chests and blow air into their little lungs.
The Red Cross provides dog and cat mannequins for such duty and mine was an excellent study buddy were it not for the shedding polyester fur that drifted into my eyes.
We blew into little black air tubes that served as noses, and I only wish that if ever the day comes that Duke needs CPR, he'd have a little tube too.
I now know how to help a choking dog (first step: lift him up by his rear legs and hope gravity does its thing), how to find a dog's pulse, and how to restrain a dog before rushing him to an animal hospital.
In fact, I'm feeling pretty proud today, knowing that I can provide emergency first aid for Duke or any other dog.
In theory, I can provide the same life-saving measures for cats. But cats are so arrogant, I figure they can take care of themselves.
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