Tom Gorman on how to make that collection plate jingle on Sundays

Sunday, March 12, 2006 | 7:22 a.m.

Struggling to keep pace with growth, the Roman Catholic Diocese of Las Vegas is trying to raise money to build more churches. I have the perfect fundraising idea.

Put slot machines in church vestibules.

Hear me out.

If there's a law that prohibits gambling devices in places of worship, I bet we could change it with the argument that slot machines are everywhere else - including your neighborhood grocery store - so why should churches be excluded?

There's already a strong connection between God and gambling.

In casinos, I hear passionate, spontaneous prayer directed at God all the time. And it sounds very sincere, especially the ones that involve a bargain.

Conversely, Catholic churches have a long, proud tradition of embracing gambling as a fundraising tool. Bingo!

It's time we take this to the next level. God and gamblers can help one another. It's a match made, well, in heaven. With the allure of saintly slots, parishioners might be better motivated to get to church a little earlier.

And I for one would happily linger behind after Mass to contribute to the diocesan building campaign, if just to avoid the mad rush to the parking lot and the ensuing vehicular mayhem that tests Christians to their core.

Obviously the churches would not be able to provide cocktail waitresses to serve refreshments to the gamblers. But lots of parishes have doughnuts and coffee after Mass that could be comped for holy high-rollers. And I know that at my parish there are a lot of active teens who could serve as runners.

Given the size of the diocese, just imagine how we could link the slots for a networked progressive. Mega-Catholic bucks!

For marketing purposes, the various parishes could customize the fronts of their slot machines and the icons on the video reels, the way casinos have machines emblazoned with their own logos and themes.

Think fishes instead of cherries, burning bushes instead of Blazing 7s. Lining up three St. Thomases, three St. Patricks or three wise men could mean big jackpots. The icons could be chosen for particular seasons - Easter lilies and Christmas wreaths, perhaps, or gold, incense and oil.

Other faith groups might want to consider slot machines, too. We could have not just multi-denomination machines but multi-denominational ones, in the spirit of unity. Parish secretaries would create new data bases to track the most frequent slot players; rewards would include reserved parking and pews, and immediate seating at church pot-lucks.

Relations between churches would grow testy only if they started recruiting one another's members the way casinos go after each others' whales. Just watch out for fellows knocking on your door and offering you a loyalty club card to their church.

Some of you might think this is ridiculous, even sacriligeous. But it's really no crazier than slot machines inside grocery stores.

Personally, I detest slot machines at grocery stores. I'm angry on behalf of people who are addicted to gambling yet have to walk by the machines when buying a loaf of bread or a bottle of wine.

Shame on Smith's, Albertsons and Vons for putting slot machines in their stores, seducing people for profit's sake.

At least slots in churches would be doing God's work.

And it may get some people to pray in church as they never have before.