Las Vegas Sun

September 15, 2014

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Columnist Tom Gorman: Getting a wealth of advice to pass along to friend

Tom Gorman's column runs Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. He can be reached at [email protected] or at (702) 259-2310.

On Friday I asked what advice I should give a friend -- a single fellow in his 50s -- who is in town this weekend, considering wheter to move to Las Vegas.

You pulled through like champs. (And thanks, too, to the women who asked if he had dinner plans Saturday night.)

Today my buddy is exploring the town in his rental car, and on Monday he'll meet with a savvy real estate agent. I'll let you know what he decides.

I shared your suggestions with my friend and he was grateful. Here's a sampling:

Bob weighed in with an upbeat counterpoint to my griping about unsocial neighbors:

"We moved here from a small town in Ohio about three years ago and we have a terrific neighborhood and neighbors. We invited -- and were invited -- to more holiday parties in the neighborhood than ever was the case back in the Midwest.

"We made the initial overtures in most cases but we did not mind doing that," Bob said. "In any event, tell your friend to move here. It's a great place and I really believe that it can be a caring place as well if he is willing to be a participant."

And Joanne wanted me to tell my friend that there are myriad opportunities to hear great jazz in town, and that "there is a whole arena of opportunity for him to meet single women in their 50s."

But most of the e-mails were downright cynical about life in Las Vegas.

"Mention to him that he better not get into any situations where he needs emergency room services," wrote Donna. "He may be waiting awhile, unlike (for) the slot machines, where no waiting is necessary."

She continued: "Tell him there are plenty of opportunities for charitable giving since Nevada ranks low for that and volunteering."

Don e-mailed me that, for a host of reasons, he no longer is encouraging his kids and grandchildren to move here.

"Don't fail to mention the very hot unpleasant summer heat that lasts for many weeks," Don said. "If he does not like heat and having to live in air conditioning, look elsewhere.

"Also, the inexpensive food and living costs are a long-gone old Vegas benefit. Let him know that Vegas hasn't been built on casino winners, only all of us poor local losers."

Jim, a cab driver, noted (sarcastically, I suspect, but sometimes it's hard to tell in an e-mail) that my buddy should not fret if he gets a traffic ticket, because there are plenty of attorneys in town who advertise that they can fix 'em.

"Tell him he can speed, run red lights, do just about anything," Jim said.

Marlene (who was referring, I think, to the never-ending road construction) wanted me to warn my friend about "the growing population of the orange and white cone people. They park themselves on the streets all day and all night long.

"And on some mornings when one travels down these streets," she said, "one may notice that the 'cone people' have multiplied. Your friend has to be careful because they are everywhere."

Tom's thoughtful e-mail included these suggestions:

"Tell him lawns are passe.

"He should know that if he is a loyal devotee of mass transit, then he's pretty much out of luck here.

"You may also want to tell him that Eastern Avenue is a north-south street, to avoid confusion. ...

"Also, let him know that only Southern California has a higher per capita rate of narcissism than Las Vegas.

"Let him know that in Las Vegas, the words 'kamikaze' and 'savage' are synonyms for 'driver.' Along those same lines, let him know it is perfectly acceptable to use exits lanes to pass cars on the right, and that it is socially acceptable to drive at freeway speeds on surface arterials and at surface-arterial speeds in parking lots. ...

"Tell him courtesy came here to die. If he holds a door open for someone, for example, don't expect that person to thank him. If they do, they probably have lived here less than three months."

Las Vegans, on the other hand, are very generous when it comes to giving advice.

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