Jeff Haney reels off some weird trends, shows and merchandise that he’d like to see fold before they even get the chance to become popular

Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2006 | 7:14 a.m.

A report issued by Reuters news service recently caused a stir by predicting the imminent demise of the "poker craze."

The fact the story appeared with a photo of casino patrons playing Caribbean Stud - a carnival game that has nothing to do with poker or the "poker craze" - didn't detract from some salient points in the report.

It pointed out that some poker-related stocks are foundering, TV ratings for poker shows are "no longer growing as quickly" as they once did, and packaged sets of cards and chips aren't moving from department store shelves.

That final point struck me as especially relevant.

While the game of poker continues to thrive - at least in Las Vegas, where major tournaments attract larger and larger fields and new poker rooms are opening to meet the growing demand - some elements on the periphery of poker are becoming increasingly weirder and more absurd.

I agree with the report's assertion that poker carpetbaggers - such as the producers of those junky department store "poker sets" - are trying for a cheap cash grab to capitalize on poker's popularity.

As a poker writer, I frequently receive press releases touting oddball items that come from the strange world of poker's outer limits.

With that in mind, here are five things I won't be writing about this week:

1. Trikybastrd's triumph

Today, the GOP has officially transmuted into the party that wants the government to be everyone's mommy and daddy.

That was my first thought upon hearing about House Resolution 4777, "The Internet Gambling Prohibition Act," backed by Virginia Republican Rep. Bob Goodlatte. Misguided and just plain dumb even by Washington standards (ponder the ramifications), the legislation aims to "put a stop to" online poker and other forms of Internet gambling.

My second thought was that I'll sure miss all those goofy screen names people adopt as their online poker personas.

Like "Trikybastrd," who, according to a notice from an online poker room, recently won $200,000 in a big Los Angeles tournament sponsored by the site.

For an event such as this, I thought surely the winner's actual name would be used. Perhaps it would read something like, "Joe Papadakis (or whatever his name is), who plays under the name Trikybastrd, won $200,000 last week ..."

Nope. This is the alternate universe of online poker. He was called only Trikybastrd throughout the news release. And there he is in a photo, holding one of those giant novelty checks for $200,000 made out to - you guessed it - "Trikybastrd."

The notice also asks, "Want to be the next Trikybastrd?"

Hmmm. Never really thought about it.

But no, I won't be writing about Trikybastrd's hard-fought victory in L.A. Sorry, Trikybastrd.

2. Underwater poker championship

All of the players were outfitted with scuba gear, and 30 feet above their heads a small crowd watched the action while snorkeling in silence, according to the report.

Not only will I not be writing about the underwater poker championship, but I'd consider voting for the first politician who sponsors "The Underwater Gambling Prohibition Act."

3. Poker Divas

Excuse me while I go short some poker-related stocks.

4. Texas hold 'em notepad

That's it. "Texas hold 'em."

Who would stamp the words "Texas hold 'em" on a notepad and try to sell it? Who would buy it?

Now it would be a different story if it was imprinted with "razz," or maybe "follow the queen" ...

5. Cindyspoker.com

"Poker is so hot today, plus it's a great way to make a little extra cash on the side and meet new friends," Margolis is quoted in a press release.

Reuters was right. The poker apocalypse is upon us.

Jeff Haney can be reached at 259-4041 or at haney@lasvegassun.com.