‘Tooning out critics

Monday, Feb. 20, 2006 | 12:33 p.m.

If the world were dictated by Todd Goldman's artwork, there would be plenty of peas on Earth, kitties in toasters and bruised boys who had been pelted by rocks.

Moreover, there would be angry parents protesting Goldman's "Boys Are Stupid" mantra.

The lifelong doodler, who turned his simplistic cartoons and colorful quips into a successful clothing and accessory business, has taken heat for his work.

Parents have complained and some stores have removed his shirts from the shelves.

Yet Goldman is practically a celebrity.

In addition to running his David and Goliath apparel and accessories company, he's a painter, a columnist for Seventeen magazine and an author ("Boys Are Stupid Throw Rocks at Them.")

Goldman, who's in his late 30s, is also in the process of negotiating a comic strip and an animated movie.

On Wednesday he'll be at the Entertainment Galleries at the Venetian from 7-9 p.m. for the opening of his exhibit, "Three-Ring Art Show Extravaganza," also known as "The Stupidest Show on Earth."

In a monotone deadpan delivery, he voiced his thoughts to the Sun last week from Clearwater, Fla., where he lives.

Are you really a "boy basher":

That's what the people call me.

Does it bother you?

It's great press for me. I'm not trying to do this underground movement. I have a good time. I have a whacky sense of humor. And boys are smelly.

You made Bernard Goldberg's list in his book, "100 People Who Are Screwing Up America."

I couldn't believe it when someone called to tell me. It's not something I strive for. I'm just having fun saying things that people don't say, coming up with characters.

Why do you market to girls?

That's where the money is. Girls buy clothing 15 times more than guys. I'm still wearing the same shirt that I wore in high school.

What have you learned about girls since starting your business? I haven't learned anything. They're too mysterious. I can't figure myself out either. I just wish I was a little younger so I could take advantage of my situation.

Describe Trendy Wendy (one of his characters).

She's kind of like the all-American girl next door snob.

What are her best attributes?

Her large breasts.

She doesn't have any.

I know. I like that she doesn't care. That's my attitude. I don't care what you think.

Everybody has an opinion. At the end of the day I'm an artist. That's a dream come true to sit in the gallery. Making T-shirts is how I pay my bills.

Do you really advocate peas on Earth?

It's better than lima beans on Earth.

How would you describe your creative process?

A million pingpong balls going off in my head and I can't stop it. It kind of sucks. It drives me nuts. I wish I could turn it off, but I can't. Even when I go on vacation I bring a notepad. I should be sponsored by a pencil company.

You're an advice columnist for Seventeen magazine. What's that like?

They ask me stupid teenage questions. I give them stupid responses.

Will you ever do girl-bashing art?

I will do girl bashing. I make fun of everyone.

What about politics?

I'm not into politics. I'm not that smart.

So you're not going to doodle a commentary on Cheney's quail-hunting incident?

No. Who's Cheney by the way?

What do you like best about the "dumb blonde" character?

She's dumb like most girls. Dumb and blonde.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Yes