John Katsilometes with big news from Britain: Its heaviest man is heading to LV

Tuesday, April 4, 2006 | 7:14 a.m.

We'll get the bad joke out of the way first: When Barry Austin sits around the poker table, he really sits around the poker table.

In girth-shaking news distributed by the London Daily Star, Austin, reported to be Britain's heaviest man, has been awarded a trip to the World Series of Poker at the Rio by winning an online tournament sponsored by the poker-themed Web site jonnytexaspoker.com. The prize package is $12,500 - a $10,000 buy in for the tournament (scheduled for July 28 to Aug. 10) and $2,500 in expenses.

The problem is with transportation. Austin weighs 50 stones (not the cumulative weight of the Rolling Stones times 50, but 700 pounds), making trans-Atlantic flight a bit of an issue. Contest sponsor Jon "Texas" Heston has vainly attempted to find a plane large enough to fly the 37-year-old Austin from his home in Birmingham, England, to Las Vegas.

"We've tried to fit him on a plane, but there's no chance, so we've given up on that," Heston is quoted in the Daily Star. "We even made inquiries about helicopters to see if they were up to the task. We're now looking at a boat trip to New York, then getting a train through America.

"That seems to be the only way."

The victory might be a sign for Austin (who plays on the Internet because his size-80 waist is too big to sit in on a regular game) to lighten up. He has long suffered serious health problems (including recurring bacterial infections in his swollen legs). "I am thinking of going on a diet because I really want to get to Vegas," he says. "However, I don't think I'll be the biggest person there. Some of those Yanks are huge."

NoteMart

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On the cruise: A blue PT Cruiser, blazing with purple flames, bearing the plate GOTLUCK.