Columnist Ron Kantowski: Identifying race fans made easy

Monday, Sept. 26, 2005 | 9:49 a.m.

Ron Kantowski is a Las Vegas Sun sports writer. Reach him at ron@lasvegassun.com or (702) 259-4088.

Before the rubber met the road for race winners Todd Bodine and Sebastien Bourdais during Saturday night's Double Down in the Desert NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series/Champ Car World Series doubleheader at Las Vegas Motor Speedway, about 50,000 fans of the two series filed into the grandstands to see if they could peacefully co-exist for a few hours.

From where I was sitting about 300 yards beyond the start-finish line, it was a frightening experiment.

Forget about mixing apples and oranges. This was like grafting the head of a fly onto Jeff Goldblum's body.

Anybody who believes if you've seen one auto race, you've seem them all, wasn't at LVMS when the motorized distant cousins and their fans traded paint at the 1.5-mile superspeedway north of town.

NASCAR beer and pretzels, meet Champ Car wine and cheese.

If there is anything more disparate than a 3,400-pound, 185-mph Craftsman Truck and a 1,500-pound, 240-mph Champ Car, it's the fans who follow the respective series, as I discovered on the way to Turn One Saturday night.

To say they are different as night and day is like saying Robby Gordon gets a little excited when somebody gets in his way.

Or, put another way: Is the pope Catholic? Does Ricky Rudd drive for the Wood Brothers?

So without further ado, it's time for the most famous command in motorsports:

Gentlemen, start your stereotypes.

CHAMP CAR FANS: Tasseled loafers and designer jeans.

NASCAR FANS: Flip-flops and tank tops.

CHAMP CAR: Before leaving home, set TIVO to record "Masterpiece Theatre."

NASCAR: Before leaving home, set VCR to record "Dukes of Hazzard."

NASCAR: Know the drivers by their car numbers.

CHAMP CAR: Know the drivers have hard-to-pronounce names.

NASCAR: Brag about sneaking into the track.

CHAMP CAR: Brag about how much they paid for tickets.

NASCAR: Fancy meeting Todd Bodine and Ted Musgrave.

CHAMP CAR: Fancy meeting the wives of Alex Tagliani and Paul Tracy.

NASCAR: Wooooo-hooooo!

CHAMP CAR: Excuse me, sir, you are sitting in my seat.

CHAMP CAR: Arrive in a chauffeur-driven limousine.

NASCAR: Arrive in the back of a pickup driven by a guy named Earl.

CHAMP CAR: Get light-headed by inhaling the methanol fumes of the cars.

NASCAR: Get light-headed by consuming what's in their coolers.

NASCAR: Lynyrd Skynyrd blaring from the tape deck.

CHAMP CAR: Leonard Bernstein and his orchestra playing on XM Radio.

NASCAR: Will skip their daughter's graduation to watch a race on TV.

CHAMP CAR: Will watch a race on TV if there's nothing else on.

NASCAR: Scary tattoos.

CHAMP CAR: Scary breast jobs.

NASCAR: "Boy, those Champ Cars sure are fast."

CHAMP CAR: "Boy, those Craftsman Trucks sure are loud."

CHAMP CAR: Discard empty plastic water bottles in the nearest trash receptacle.

NASCAR: Throw empty plastic beer bottles onto the track.

NASCAR: Rubbin' is racin', Nigel.

CHAMP CAR: The gas pedal is on on the right, Jim Bob.

NASCAR: High-fives.

CHAMP CAR: Polite applause.

CHAMP CAR: Act sophisticated.

NASCAR: Act inebriated.

NASCAR: Voted for President Bush.

CHAMP CAR: Also must have voted for President Bush.

archive