Columnist John Katsilometes: How some stand-up comics visiting this weekend view Vegas

Friday, Nov. 18, 2005 | 8:25 a.m.

Fabulous Las Vegas runs Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday in the Las Vegas Sun. Reach John Katsilometes at kats@lasvegassun.com or at (702) 259-2327 or (702) 812-9812.

Dane Cook was on a Comedy Central special with Dave Attell recently, a show taped at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay. The first joke from the excitable Cook was, "Vegas! I have a new slogan: Whatever happens in Vegas and I see it, I'm (bleeping) telling everyone!"

Big roar. Kind of a party crowd, that one.

Point here is that Cook and Attell have returned to Las Vegas this weekend for The Comedy Festival at Caesars Palace and Flamingo Las Vegas. Many of the performers have appeared locally many times, and the Sun has either interviewed them or reviewed their shows. A couple of my favorite bits:

From Lewis Black: "I'm not really good at figuring out who the hookers are. I was at the Trop one night, I'd worked at the Comedy Stop, and was sitting at the bar playing video poker and this woman was staring at me. And she was stunning.

"Then she came over and said, 'Would you like to have a good time?' I said, 'Of course.' She said, 'It'll cost you.' I had no idea. I was shocked. So I said, "You mean, you don't like me for myself?' "

And from Dennis Miller: "I have never lived in Las Vegas, but years ago I had relatives who did live here and worked in the sequin mines. Much like the Persian rug makers, the Las Vegas sequin artists like to deliberately include a flaw in the pattern. They, too, believe that perfection is solely the realm of the Creator."

NoteMart

Smell ya later: Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman gagged on Tuesday. Oh, there's a backstory.

Goodman was on hand at theLas Vegas Natural History Museum on Tuesday, taking part in Cox Communication's launch of the National Geographic Channel (digital channel 334). The "Beakman on Tour" exhibit was also highlighted, with Beakman himself, Paul Zaloom, in attendance.

The event served as a forum for students from the Hyde Park Middle School Academy of Mathematics and Science and from The Academy Bridger Middle School to enter their science projects in "smelly sneaker" and "snot and booger" contests. For class assignments, the kids simulated the smells of befouled sneakers and conducted exhaustive research on the origin of mucus.

Goodman judged the smelly sneaker contest and did actually recoil at a couple of the submissions. One particularly stinky -- but politically relevant -- submission was from Alex Zajak, who constructed a miniature nuclear waste dump around his smelly sneaker ...

Tenacious Laurent D: Stylist Laurent D, who has had his hands in the hair of such fabulous stars as Gwyneth Paltrow, Selma Hayek, Teri Hatcher, Sophia Loren, Ashley Judd and Uma Thurman, is available for one day only, from 10 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Saturday, at The Cutting Room at 10575 S. Eastern Ave., to dispel hair advice and give the once-over to locals. The cost? A mere $200. Call 735-2887 for an appointment ...

Whither Santa? In an item that ran this week I mentioned the first public Las Vegas Santa sighting I'd noticed was at Meadows mall last Friday. It has been pointed out to me that Santa also appeared (magically!) that day at Galleria at Sunset, where he was joined by singing Cabbage Patch Kids. He is available for gift requests and relationship advice each day during mall hours ...