Columnist John Katsilometes: Coming unglued with Barbara Bolling, the winner of the first Fabulous Las Vegas joke contest

Thursday, Nov. 17, 2005 | 6:54 a.m.

Fabulous Las Vegas runs Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday in the Las Vegas Sun. Reach John Katsilometes at kats@lasvegassun.com or at (702) 259-2327 or (702) 812-9812.

What's most impressive is that, in a field of 49 jokes with a Las Vegas theme, Barbara Bolling managed to spin a yarn that did not incorporate the following: gambling; strippers; casinos; showgirls; celebrity entertainers (such as Wayne Newton); celebrity impressionists; the Strip; the Mob; anything related to Elvis, Liberace or the Rat Pack; neon signs; Fremont Street or Steve Wynn.

And it was still funny.

A contest launched more than a month ago has a winner, and it is Bolling's self-made joke that hinges on a familiar Vegas phrase. For her effort in the first Fabulous Las Vegas joke contest, she wins a commemorative, personalized Las Vegas coffee mug from Bonanza, the world's largest gift shop.

The contest was to coincide with the three-day Comedy Festival at Caesars Palace and Flamingo Las Vegas, which begins tonight with the comic-laden TBS special "Earth To America" and concludes Sunday (for information, go to www.thecomedyfestival.com).

Bolling, a coordinator for Tar Wars, a national tobacco-free education program for fourth and fifth grade students, submitted the following:

"After purportedly club-hopping all night, the driver of a huge tanker falls asleep at the wheel and overturns his truck on a gridlocked, northbound Interstate 15 at the Spaghetti Bowl. The tanker is carrying 100,000 gallons of Super Glue and a tsunami of glue spills from the truck and rolls down the highway, stopping cars and trucks and gluing them to the road.

"Mayor Oscar Goodman races to the disaster with Tom Hawley in the Channel 3 helicopter. Reporting live, the mayor tries to calm the shocked and horrified citizens and declares, 'Please do not panic. The National Guard has been called in, and will be arriving shortly with fingernail polish remover, acetone, WD-40, Handi Wipes and teams of glue-sniffing Labrador retrievers.

" 'Until then ... what happens here, stays here!' "

NoteMart

It ain't easy bein' Greene: Longtime Stardust bell captain John Castrovillari responded to the joke contest with a comment Shecky Greene made in 1968 or '69 (by Castrovillari's estimation). Greene did not get along with Frank Sinatra, and during a show at the Desert Inn said, "I just got back from Miami and Frank Sinatra saved my life. Two guys were beating me up and Sinatra said, 'That's enough, fellas' " ...

More rimshots: From reader Sharon Nakadate, who passed along a top-10 list of ways to tell that you live in Las Vegas: "Everything you own has a casino logo," and "You see an advertisement for Jimmy Buffett and wonder what the food specialty is" ...

You can always go ... downtown: Sidebar is the latest business to open on the corner of Third Street and Ogden Avenue downtown. The locale is a smallish pub & grub, on the same stretch occupied by Celebrity and Hogs & Heifers and connected to Triple George. Tuesday, General Manager Virginia Perkins said the challenge downtown is that "people want old, but new. They want nostalgia, but in a new way." Sidebar, sitting across the street from the relentlessly retro Lady Luck, is at the center of that testing ground ...

Speaking of that retro thing: Las Vegas Hilton headliner Barry Manilow has announced he will release a new album, "The Greatest Songs of the Fifties," on Jan. 31 on Arista; he's reteaming with longtime collaborator Clive Davis. Also, on refreshingly affordable network television, Elton John will star in an NBC special "Elton John: The Red Piano" on Dec. 14; the show will originate from The Colosseum at Caesars Palace.