Columnist Susan Snyder: For advice, go to Mom — for free

Friday, May 6, 2005 | 3:38 a.m.

Susan Snyder's column appears Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursday and Sundays. Reach her at snyder@lasvegassun.com or (702) 259-4082.

WEEKEND EDITION

May 7 - 8, 2005

Listen to your mother.

It's cheaper. And as an adult, you already have heard most of what you need to know -- from your mom.

The thought occurred to a friend and I as we discussed the somewhat-disturbing and highly annoying abundance of self-help material.

My friend calls them "Band-Aid" books -- lists of platitudes and generalities that fit everyone like a horoscope. And if true, they are little more than the common sense your mother tried to pound between your ears.

Now, if your mother did pound you between the ears or you were truly abused as a child, then the kind of help you need is professional. It's called therapy, and you cannot get it from the radio.

But if what you need is (weep ye for the mail I am about to receive) Dr. Phil or John Tesh, then your mother was right.

You didn't listen.

Before posting this on some Web site and sitting back to enjoy my public evisceration, take a look at some of the intelligence for your life such people as Tesh reveal to their followers:

Get enough sleep. Live within your means. See the difference between need and want. A happy marriage means a relationship with more positives than negatives. Eat more fruit.

Tesh is not wrong. He is absolutely right.

He's brilliant. He has repackaged and sold a bag of goodies most of us already possess. And he's not alone.

Forbes magazine in 2001 reported that Americans spend $4.7 billion annually on self-improvement products -- $400 million of that on audio books alone -- and the industry overall was expected to increase by 13 percent each year.

The average middle-age woman, Forbes says, spends $1,145 annually on self-help hoo-ha.

Goodbye ski trip. Hello Dr. Phil.

No wonder y'all are broke.

Let's compare a few of Dr. Phil's "Ten Life Laws" to Mom's advice.

Dr. Phil says, "You must do whatever it takes to accumulate enough knowledge to 'get it.' "

Mom says, "Do your homework."

Dr. Phil says, "You cannot dodge responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is."

Mom says, "I said if you didn't clean your room, you could not go to the mall. You made your choice."

Dr. Phil says, "No matter what the situation, you choose your reaction, assigning meaning and value to an event."

Mom says, "The bully will stop teasing you when you stop giving him the reaction he wants."

Dr. Phil says,"You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don't."

Mom says, "If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one."

The big difference between mothers and the self-help gurus, however, is moms aren't in it for the money. They are truly in it for you, and they aim to put themselves out of a job. It's the only way they know whether they did it right.

Spending a house payment trying to re-learn everything Mom already taught you is no way to show your appreciation today or any other day.

Take her to lunch instead. And reward her the rest of the year by trying to remember what she said -- without the $600 seminar.