Columnist Jon Ralston: Rogers’ sniping just a prelude

Friday, July 15, 2005 | 9:22 a.m.

Jon Ralston hosts the news discussion program Face to Face on Las Vegas ONE and publishes the Ralston Report. He can be reached at (702) 870-7997 or at ralston@vegas.com.

WEEKEND EDITION

July 16-17, 2005

NEWS ITEM: Chancellor Jim Rogers wonders about fellow Republican Jim Gibbons, saying he doesn't think "he's very bright" or has "very many great leadership qualities" or that he "can handle the job of governor."

A pundit's midsummer night's dream:

Moderator: Welcome to Artemus Ham Hall and the first 2006 gubernatorial debate. We are privileged to have all of the candidates from both parties who have decided to run. Greetings to Congressman Jim Gibbons, Chancellor Jim Rogers, Reno Mayor Bob Cashell and state Sen. Bob Beers. Those are the Republican candidates for ...

Lorraine Hunt (interrupting): Don't forget me. I'm here, too.

Moderator: Ah, yes, of course. Lt. Gov. Lorraine Hunt is here, too. And the Democrats -- Speaker Richard Perkins, Senate Minority Leader Dina Titus, Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman and Henderson Mayor Jim Gibson.

Titus: Why does Perkins get top billing?

Perkins: Oh, please shut up, Dina. (Turns to audience.) And they say I'm not strong enough to be governor.

Moderator: All right, folks. Let's get on with it. First question. What separates you from the rest of this large field? Congressman, let's start with you.

Gibbons: Thank you. Experience. That's one thing. I hate taxes. That's another. I love education. How about that? And I hate taxes and love education. Try that. Thank you.

Rogers: I told you he was an idiot.

Gibbons: Chancellor, that might work down here. But when I get my peeps in Elko after you, you will wish you stayed watching those liberal media TV stations of yours.

Hunt (Breaks into song): "Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?" If ever a War song were appropriate, this is the time!

Moderator: Thanks for the song, Ms. Hunt. Now if we can all calm down ...

Beers: May I say something?

Moderator: I doubt I could stop you at the rate this is going.

Beers: I think we are missing the point here. If we take all the candidates here on stage and multiply times the number of Medicaid recipients, which is too large a number, by the way, and add the number of overpaid teachers, and there are too many of those, too, you can see why the state budget needs to be reined in. That's why we need a Taxpayer Bill of Rights. I am for the taxpayers.

Gibbons: No, I am.

Rogers: But you are an idiot.

Moderator: That's enough, chancellor. So what separates you from the field?

Rogers: Well, I am not an idiot. In fact, I am very smart. And very rich.

And very bored. And Kenny -- you know, the governor -- says I am the best qualified and that we have to stop Gibbons from being governor.

Moderator: All right, let's give the Democrats their say. Mayor Goodman.

Goodman: What separates me? People love me, that's what. I'm funny, I'm irreverent and I'm just too big for this job. I need to do more. And I will find out more about whatever the governor does when I get to Carson City. And Harry Reid told me I have the best chance to win.

Gibson: He told me that, too.

Perkins: Me, too.

Rogers: Me, too.

Titus: Harry's just one of those good old boys who wants business as usual and I don't. I'm a different kind of candidate. And Perkins can't win.

Perkins: I wish she would shut up. Let me say that I still can't believe Oscar is in the race after he promised me months ago to support me. I still can't believe he broke his promise. Didn't those mob clients of yours teach you anything about honor?

Goodman: You talk to me about honor? You're the guy who double-dipped. I know Sen. Titus wanted to say it. But I said it first.

Moderator: Really, folks, does everything have to be so personal? What about qualifications?

Cashell: Well, I am the only one here who has been a Democrat and a Republican. And I am the consummate good old boy, which is what we like to elect here in Nevada. How 'bout them apples?

Goodman: Some good old boy. I bet I could outdrink you.

Cashell: You're on, Oscar.

Gibson: Well, I don't drink, but I think the public deserves better than what they are getting tonight. This state has serious problems and if we are not careful it could run off the tracks.

Goodman: You mean like your monorail did?

Gibson: Now, Oscar, that is uncalled for.

Audience member yelling: Jim, tell them about your business experience!

Moderator (looks to audience): Gov. Guinn, that's enough. Please take your seat.

Rogers: But Kenny is right. This is about business experience. And I have it. No one else does.

Beers: I do. And I know the state budget better than anyone. And that's why the R-J endorsed me a year before the election.

Rogers: Channel 3 endorsed me more than a year before the election.

Gibbons: Nutballs of the Right endorsed me 10 years ago.

Titus: Regular people endorsed me.

Goodman: Michael Mack endorsed me.

Moderator: That's all well and good. But can we please continue with some substance?

Perkins: I am pleased that we introduced some substantive bills such as the lottery. That was substantive.

Titus: And I did some substantive stuff, like that property tax freeze.

Beers: I cut business taxes by a couple of a hundredths of a percent. I bet I'm the only one who could calculate that.

Guinn yells from audience again: I could!

Gibbons: I don't have time to name all the things I have done. But we are hurting ourselves with all this bickering. To coin a phrase, a house divided against itself cannot stand.

Rogers: That's Lincoln, you idiot.

Moderator: I think we better take a break ...