Friday, Jan. 7, 2005 | 8:39 a.m.
Steve Lazarus can sell just about anything, as long as it's wrapped in foil or paper and loaded with fat and calories.
For nearly three decades the New York native has pursued his passion, vending all sorts of snacks at Yankee Stadium.
He's hawked ice cream bars during games played on chilly April nights; and steamy hot dogs during the dog days of summer. For more than 10 years, he's been called "The Beer Man" by the scores of Yankee fans to whom he's supplied plastic cups brimming with brew (at $8.50 apiece).
Since 1995, Lazarus has also peddled his shtick, which is heavy on anecdotes from his years at the stadium, at comedy clubs on the East Coast, in Chicago and Las Vegas. He performs Monday through Jan. 16 at Riviera Comedy Club.
"Now that I'm thinking about it, the comedy and beer vending is very similar," Lazarus said during a recent call from his Big Apple abode, explaining how he and other vendors at Yankee Stadium work on commission and a seniority system.
At the ballpark, "When you start out, I'm selling peanuts and I'm selling popcorn, and then I'm selling ice cream, and then I move to hot dogs and now I've been beer for 10, 12 years," he says.
"Comedy, you start out (playing) these bars and you're bombing and nobody's listening, and everybody says, 'Well, you're paying your dues.' ... The longer you're in the business, it's almost like you start to move up, like a seniority thing."
Growing up in the Bronx, Lazarus recalls how he idolized Yankee Stadium's vendors because, "You're at every (home) game. Everybody wanted to be like a lawyer or a doctor; I wanted to be like the beer guy. How weird is that?"
He finally landed the gig while attending college and eventually began a career as an accountant, though he continued to moonlight in the stands. In the mid-'90s, at the urging of another comedian, Lazarus decided to follow his other lifelong dream of becoming a comic.
"At one point, I was doing all three" jobs, he recalls. "I would work 9 to 5; go to Yankee Stadium; and a lot of times run into Manhattan and do a midnight spot" at a club.
Though he abandoned his lucrative accounting job in 2001, Lazarus wasn't about to give up his work at the ballpark: "I live and breathe Yankees and baseball and selling beer" -- so much so that he books his comedy performances around the team's game schedule.
During the off-season, from November through March, he hits the road for shows, returning in time to begin work in the stands on opening day in April. He keeps his calendar wide open during October, in case the Yankees see some post-season action. (Photos of Lazarus serving the crowds, and with manager Joe Torre, can be viewed at www.stevelazarus.com.)
Over the years, Lazarus has even altered how snack vendors work at the stadium: "The Lazarus Rule" prohibits tossing bags of peanuts to customers, following an incident nearly two decades ago.
Lazarus recalls how he once threw legumes to a woman sporting "really long nails." When she caught it, "The bag splatters open all over the fans, all over the railing ... People are looking up; it's raining peanuts."
His supervisor later took him to task and cemented Lazarus' place in Yankee Stadium history. A sign reading "The Lazarus Rule: No tossing bags of peanuts" remains posted, much to the chagrin of his co-workers: "All the guy vendors (complain), 'Thanks to Lazarus, now I can't toss my nuts.' "
Lazarus mines much of his comedy material while soliciting in the stands. "I say that being 'The Beer Man' is the same thing as being a really big-breasted woman ... I've always got the straps digging into my shoulder, my back is killing me, and all the guys stare at my cups."
The 42-year-old also cracks wise about being part of the singles scene: "I'm a comedian/beer vendor," he reminds. "I'm not exactly a chick magnet."
What he would like to be, however, is the star of his own sitcom. Most recently, Lazarus says, he's been sculpting an idea for a TV series that would follow (who else?) the ragtag crew of vendors at Yankee Stadium.
"We've got 400-pound guys, and we've got guys with short hair and long hair and missing teeth," he says. "And there's the crazy guy who sells cotton candy, and one guy is a TV repairman. It's just such a crazy group, and I thought, 'This has the makings of a great show.' "
Meanwhile, Lazarus also teaches up-and-coming comics the ropes. In 1998, he and a couple of buddies founded Stand-Up University, a six-week program they stage at New York comedy clubs.
Enduring the first few years of a comedy career is "a learning process where you do the open mikes, and you learn this and you learn that," he explains. "I said, 'How can I make it easier for other comedians (to) avoid a lot of the mistakes I made?' "
The idea for the school was born from a lengthy list of tips brainstormed by Lazarus and his cohorts. "We teach them how to get started -- even simple things that I didn't learn," he explains, such as moving the mike stand out of the way while onstage; being mindful of including too many curse words in material; and how to streamline a joke.
Though the classes have yet to produce any famous comics, "We've had a lot of people -- older -- that are like, 'I've always wanted to do this.' So this gave them the chance," Lazarus says.
At the program's conclusion, students perform their newly minted acts for family and friends as part of a "graduation show" -- during which, conveniently, "The Beer Man" is on hand should anyone wish to make a congratulatory toast.
Out for laughs
An additional weekly show is being added to "Laughs at The Beach" at The Beach nightclub. The new Thursday shows will be from 8:30 p.m. to 10 p.m. beginning Jan. 13 with J. Reed, Honour Pillow and Joe Lowers on the bill. Saturday shows remain scheduled from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m.; admission to both shows is free.
Drew Carey & The Improv All Stars will return Feb. 3 through Feb. 6 to MGM Grand's Hollywood Theatre. Set to perform alongside Carey are Ryan Stiles, Kathy Kinney, Greg Proops, Jeff Davis, Chip Esten, Jonathan Magum and Sean Masterson. Tickets are $88.50.
Funny lady Caroline Rhea -- host of the NBC reality series "The Biggest Loser," who was profiled here in November 2003 -- is slated to appear tonight on "The Late Show with David Letterman" at 11:35 p.m. (Channel 8).
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