Coupling of Bologna, Taylor is worth hour attention

Friday, Aug. 26, 2005 | 8:20 a.m.

Other than a mediocre sound system and a couple of blown lines, the only major flaw with the warm-hearted comedy, "If You Ever Leave Me, I'm Going With You!" is that it is too brief.

The Broadway version of Renee Taylor's and Joe Bologna's production runs about two hours, with an intermission.

At the Plaza, it lasts barely an hour, leaving fans wondering at the end whether the show is over or the final scene is just a prelude to another vignette about relationships.

Vegas is eager to proclaim itself Broadway West, but apparently it isn't willing to pay the price.

The old theory that audiences here won't sit still for anything more than 70 minutes long or that they need to be hustled out of the showroom as quickly as possible so they can return to gambling needs to be scrapped.

We can handle a full-blown Broadway show.

"Mamma Mia!" lasts almost two hours (with an intermission) and has been a hit at Mandalay Bay for three years. On the other hand, "We Will Rock You" has just whacked about 30 minutes from its production to shorten it to about 90 minutes -- but I don't think the length was the problem. It had other issues that may have held it back from reaching the heights of "Mamma."

"If You Ever Leave Me" is an appealing show that is scheduled to be at the Plaza through Sept. 11.

Taylor and Bologna have expressed an interest in a longer stay, but it depends upon the show's appeal.

Hopefully fans will show their support by attending the performances and not waiting until it's too late and the comedy has left town.

"If You Ever Leave Me" should find a wide audience in Vegas. The characters, situations and dialogue can be appreciated by all ages.

Fans probably can recognize many members of their own family -- or members of their circle of friends -- onstage.

Taylor and Bologna, who have been married for 40 years, wrote and star in the episodic production, which a series of unrelated scenes usually dealing with marital relationships -- although there is one hilarious piece in which Bologna plays an aging swinger who picks up an equally aging resident of a senior citizens center and they end up comparing aches and pains.

Each scene focuses on different elements of those relationships, but the theme is usually the same -- love can overcome all of the hardships and conflicts that all couples face.

There are a number of film clips to enhance the production, including one of their wedding reception in 1965 that took place on Merv Griffin's syndicated afternoon variety show.

In one film clip they are performing a love-making scene in a movie and she begs him to call her names to increase the passion.

"Like what?" he said.

"Like ... you know ..." she purrs.

"OK ... you're a moron," he says.

Taylor and Bologna point out that their's is a mixed marriage -- she is Jewish and from the Bronx, he is an Italian from Brooklyn.

"People said our marriage would never last," Taylor said during the opening.

"We were two of them," Bologna said.

"Oscar Wilde once wrote that marriage is based on mutual misunderstanding," she said. "Joe and I have been misunderstanding each other for 40 years."

They said they have basic rules that must never be broken.

Such as, when Taylor is making love to a handsome leading man for a movie, she must think of Bologna.

When Bologna is making love to a beautiful leading lady, he must think of Freddie Kruger.

His definition of a perfect woman is someone like his mother -- who works herself to death for the man she loves.

Her idea of a perfect man is a combination of Johnny Depp, Richard Simmons and Janet Reno.

"If You Ever Leave Me " is a brilliant comedy filled with insight, humor and simple observations about human nature based upon the couple's experiences.

Too bad we couldn't have enjoyed the full experience of those experiences.